Intimacy, Intimate moments and Sex: Observational comedy - FML

Observational comedy

By JackOLantern2099 - 17/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I saw each other naked for the first time. She said my balls looked like little acorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 368

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Same thing different taste

Cuties

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, I shaved my penis and balls. When my girlfriend saw, she said, "You look like my little brother." He's 6 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 462

Twins

By rufusthepenis - 02/10/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 331

You deserved it 4 851

By whatswrongwithit?:( - 30/09/2012 19:37 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 475

You deserved it 3 671

Let down

By Anonymous - 14/05/2014 15:54 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 587

You deserved it 7 388

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 113

You deserved it 10 955

By ambermcnulty - 05/01/2010 02:27 - France

Spicy

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend saw me naked. He grabbed my breasts and began to sing, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 231

You deserved it 6 082

By fruitoftheloom - 09/03/2015 05:13 - United States - Scottsdale

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 966

You deserved it 7 323

By davetherave1983 - 09/09/2015 05:09 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Spicy

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 902

You deserved it 5 205

By Eddie - 07/08/2011 19:43 - Israel

Spicy

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 906

You deserved it 4 923

By Mike - 21/02/2009 22:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 963

You deserved it 7 658

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 17 December 2019 19:22

You guys need to work on your dirty talk. Telling her that her ****** looks like raw bacon wouldn't be good, either.

juggalo2 20

Tuesday 17 December 2019 22:22

That's why they're called your "nuts". Now let's see those cute stuffed squirrel cheeks.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 17 December 2019 19:22

You guys need to work on your dirty talk. Telling her that her ****** looks like raw bacon wouldn't be good, either.

manb91gb 15

Tuesday 17 December 2019 21:53

Are you guys twelve or something??

juggalo2 20

Tuesday 17 December 2019 22:22

That's why they're called your "nuts". Now let's see those cute stuffed squirrel cheeks.

Iamthebanzai22 21

Wednesday 18 December 2019 11:30

So what is so bad about that? At least she didn't say that your penis looks like an acorn.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Saturday 21 December 2019 4:23

She sounds a little squirrel-y.

Keywords

Awkward Friends Love Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Work Cars You're fired Parenting Kids Family DIY Cats Sex Intimacy Am I overreacting? Poopoo peepee Management Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Transportation Dogs Animals ADHD Dating Mental health Health

The Top

Today, I met a really attractive guy outside of a club. We came back to my apartment and had sex. Afterward, we both fell asleep. I woke up and found 20 dollars on my nightstand that wasn't there before. He thought I was a prostitute, and apparently a cheap one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 487

You deserved it 38 932

Today, I was been accused of stealing lunches from the fridge at work. I’m a huge germaphobe and would NEVER eat someone else’s food, but because I’m the fattest one in the office, everyone automatically blamed me. Hashtag fatgirlproblems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 138

The Top

Today, my wife is mad at me because she claims I don’t spend any time bonding with her son. It’s as though she refuses to understand that just because we are in different rooms, on separate PlayStations, doesn’t mean we’re not playing the same game, and talking through headphones for hours at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 223

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I thought it was a great idea to go off into a park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park. Meanwhile, a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 550

You deserved it 74 345

Today, a kid pulled down my shorts while I was ordering at McDonald's. In my haste to pull them back up, I hit my head on the counter and was knocked out cold. I woke up on the floor, my shorts still around my knees, in a puddle of my own urine. I had peed myself while unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 021

You deserved it 301

Today, my girlfriend was in the back seat of a car with one of my friends when she got sick and puked all over one of his dress shoes. My friend then asked me to replace his shoes, since she is technically unemployed and couldn't pay him back. We eventually agreed that I would pay for one shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 246

Today, after struggling for over a year with it, and now having it medically confirmed, I told my step-dad about my depression. He gave me a disgusted look and scoffed, "Toughen up, cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 420

You deserved it 4 694

Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 737

You deserved it 4 921