Intimacy, Intimate moments and Sex: Observational comedy - FML

Observational comedy

By JackOLantern2099 - 17/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I saw each other naked for the first time. She said my balls looked like little acorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 550

You deserved it 370

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Same thing different taste

Cuties

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, I shaved my penis and balls. When my girlfriend saw, she said, "You look like my little brother." He's 6 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 471

Twins

By rufusthepenis - 02/10/2011 22:57 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 342

You deserved it 4 855

By whatswrongwithit?:( - 30/09/2012 19:37 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 495

You deserved it 3 677

Let down

By Anonymous - 14/05/2014 15:54 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 622

You deserved it 7 399

By Anonymous - 16/08/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 126

You deserved it 10 961

By ambermcnulty - 05/01/2010 02:27 - France

Spicy

Today, it was the first time my boyfriend saw me naked. He grabbed my breasts and began to sing, "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts." He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 243

You deserved it 6 088

By fruitoftheloom - 09/03/2015 05:13 - United States - Scottsdale

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend took off my pants for the first time. She was more impressed by the pattern on my boxers than by my cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 982

You deserved it 7 326

By davetherave1983 - 09/09/2015 05:09 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Spicy

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 918

You deserved it 5 209

By Eddie - 07/08/2011 19:43 - Israel

Spicy

Today, I took my clothes off in front of my girlfriend for the first time. She made a weird face for a moment, then burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing, no matter how hard she tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 927

You deserved it 4 928

By Mike - 21/02/2009 22:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100 989

You deserved it 7 660

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 17 December 2019 19:22

You guys need to work on your dirty talk. Telling her that her ****** looks like raw bacon wouldn't be good, either.

juggalo2 21

Tuesday 17 December 2019 22:22

That's why they're called your "nuts". Now let's see those cute stuffed squirrel cheeks.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 17 December 2019 19:22

You guys need to work on your dirty talk. Telling her that her ****** looks like raw bacon wouldn't be good, either.

manb91gb 15

Tuesday 17 December 2019 21:53

Are you guys twelve or something??

juggalo2 21

Tuesday 17 December 2019 22:22

That's why they're called your "nuts". Now let's see those cute stuffed squirrel cheeks.

Iamthebanzai22 21

Wednesday 18 December 2019 11:30

So what is so bad about that? At least she didn't say that your penis looks like an acorn.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Saturday 21 December 2019 4:23

She sounds a little squirrel-y.

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The Top

Today, I was very sick, and my boyfriend was taking care of me at his parents' house. I was laying on the couch, innocently watching a movie while he rubbed my feet, when his stepmother came home from work. She freaked out, accused us of having it off on her couch, and kicked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 759

You deserved it 2 613

Today, after the topic of grandkids came up yet again, my fiancé confessed that we've been having trouble conceiving. Later, I overheard his mum telling him to take my engagement ring back to the store and get a refund, because apparently I'm not worth marrying if I can't give him kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 047

You deserved it 1 646

The Top

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 042

You deserved it 102 931

Today, my sister bought my five year-old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 182

You deserved it 7 975

Today, I was playing Drawful with my parents and a few friends. We were having a great time, until one of us got a drawing prompt about God. The game doesn't let you use capital letters. As a result, my uber-religious mom went on a massive tirade about not being able to capitalize "God," completely ruining the game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 121

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a Portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my Portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID, and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 056

You deserved it 1 956

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15-minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 424

You deserved it 13 201

Today, I quit my job, mainly because I didn't work enough hours and thus, earn enough money. In the past, they said there isn't any other paid work they could provide. They've now added different tasks, more money, and more hours to the position. I'm helping to find a replacement for a job I would otherwise apply to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 174