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Christmas pictures

Today, I walked in on my mom taking nude pictures of herself in the kitchen, wearing just a Santa hat. FML

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Intimate moments

Coherence dude, do you have it?

OCD

What a tool

By Anonymous - 3/8/2020 05:02

Getting no pussy love

Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my sister's kitten walked away from his litter box, jumped onto the table, looked me dead in the eyes, then peed directly onto my laptop. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Staten Island

No balls activity

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that thing away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

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By Fabio - Malta - Piet?

Today, my girlfriend started insulting me on Facebook. Angry and hurt, I let it all out and insulted her back with her obesity. Turns out it was her brother who used her account to play a "prank" on me. FML

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By Hugh_Jankles - United States

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

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By poormum - Australia - Carlton North

Today, I was unsuccessful in getting a job at a supermarket. The same supermarket I used to work at. I now have a degree but can't even get a job at a place I used to work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home early from work, and caught my girlfriend with my best friend. I forgave her. She thinks it's because I love her. It's because I wouldn't get laid otherwise. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2020 23:05

What a charmer

Today, after surgery on Monday, I can’t do much because of where my scars are until they heal. My husband won’t clean the house at all, dishes are all over my kitchen bar, laundry is all piled up by the washing machine. When I asked for help, he said it’s not his job. FML

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By Flaps - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Palmer

Today, my mom told me she wasn't an alcoholic because she doesn't get "black out drunk" daily. She only gets drunk enough to slur her words and reek of alcohol daily, so it's okay. FML

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By :-O

Today, I came home from work early only to find my naked roommate in the living room with his ass in the air. Apparently, he was doing an experiment to see if you can launch a ball of tissue paper into the air by placing it on your bare anus and farting. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got a phone call to say my workplace was closed due to extreme weather conditions. Looking forward to my day off, I then realised the boiler was broken and my house has no heating despite there being a foot of snow outside. I'm spending the day in bed, wearing all my clothes. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

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By georgiaswish - United Kingdom

Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML

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By Enyo - Reserved

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

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By I care too much

Today, I learned that the windows in my flat will be removed and then replaced with new ones. This would be very good, if it wasn't for the ongoing removal of the asbestos insulation in the very same flat. I guess the administration will pay less for scaffolding this way. FML

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By ellieowenie - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

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By Kolkata - Canada

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

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By coolest_mom

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

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By my arms hurt - United States - San Diego

Phone holder

Today, I had to sit in between two boys on a two-hour bus ride. They were watching a movie and each of them had shared an earphone. They made me hold the phone up so both of them could see the screen. FML

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By lifedamntough - Singapore

Today, I took a shower after I finished typing an important essay I've been working on for days. My computer illiterate mum shut the computer down when I was gone, without saving a thing. When I confronted her, she yelled at me for "wasting electricity". FML

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By Kristen Duncan - United States - Spokane

Today, I just drank a sip of beer and felt something so I spit it out... It was an earwig. FML

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By Acidic Donut - United States - Brookfield

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

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By nick - United States - Palm Desert

Today, was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar. His excuse? Photoshop. FML

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By pipers - United States - Northfield

Today, I spent several hundred dollars having our pipes and septic system fixed. Tonight, I watched my husband pour about a half-liter of bacon grease into the sink. Better keep the septic guy on speed dial. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my fiancée bought me a luxury getaway to the Maldives, complete with a five-star hotel and first-class plane tickets. Too bad she used my credit card, with all the money I was saving for our wedding. FML

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By Weathersucks - France

Today, I was on my way to meet the girl I like at the beach. I parked my truck and walked to the restaurant where I was supposed to meet her. She wasn't there so I called her and she told me she cancelled because it started raining. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. FML

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By nofinal - United States

Today, I woke up at 7 am to take my last final. When I got to the parking lot, I realized my car was missing. After speaking to the police for 3 hours, I called my girlfriend to let her know what happened. She then told me I had parked on the street the night before. So much for the 8 am final. FML

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By Boyufd - 27/10/2020 11:01

Added flavor

Today, I walked out the bathroom and saw my girlfriend peeing in a mug. She said that's the mug she uses when she can't hold it anymore. That's the mug I put my coffee in every morning. FML

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By .... - Canada

Today, I tripped over a ice block frozen to the ground and hit my knee hard on another. I had trouble getting up, so I asked my dad if he could give me a hand. He started clapping and walked away. FML

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By I get the hint

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

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By shadowfigure - United States

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

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By clinictime - Canada - Okotoks

Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. All because I’m thinking of moving to the UK next year to study, and apparently, a girl he’s been thinking about for a week is a better option. FML

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By genderless - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML

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By Ouchhh - United States

Today, I leaned back and bumped into one of my mom's plants in the window. The good thing was that I caught it before it fell and shattered. The bad thing was that my mom likes to keep cactii in the window. I can still feel thorns I haven't managed to pluck out yet. FML

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By spaceavery - United States - Gresham

Today, I was having amazing sex with my husband. When he blew his load, he also blew something else - a giant glob of snot, directly at my face. FML

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Top comments

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#7868604 - Friday 20 December 2019 18:16

She's the gift 🎁

By jkjorn | 15

#7868631 - Friday 20 December 2019 20:20

"Ho, ho, ho!" is how Santa describes your mom. She's definitely trying for the 'naughty' list!

COMMENTS

By Dodge4x4Ram | 46

#7868604 - Friday 20 December 2019 18:16

She's the gift 🎁

By ahabsfan | 14

#7868612 - Friday 20 December 2019 19:01

I saw those pictures.

By jkjorn | 15

#7868631 - Friday 20 December 2019 20:20

"Ho, ho, ho!" is how Santa describes your mom. She's definitely trying for the 'naughty' list!

By Crazy_Pupil | 6

#7868640 - Friday 20 December 2019 21:12

Your mom is a very classy woman I see

By juggalo2 | 15

#7868651 - Friday 20 December 2019 22:40

Maybe if she's a good girl she can get the pearl necklace she's been promised.

By bloopaloop | 27

#7868662 - Friday 20 December 2019 23:09

I guess she doesn’t have to send them to you anymore

By jabc34 | 8

#7868669 - Friday 20 December 2019 23:59

I mean dont be a scrooge an share the wealth

By Taurus_ChicKa | 36

#7868703 - Saturday 21 December 2019 4:19

Was she also playing "Santa Baby" on the radio? I think she's on the naughty list...

By Aiden89 | 21

#7868704 - Saturday 21 December 2019 4:22

‘Tis the season OP

By cheesebond | 29

#7868713 - Saturday 21 December 2019 5:34

If that was me I wouldn’t complain if I walked in on YOUR mom taking nude pictures in a Santa hat.