Health

Of course not

By Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho - 24/05/2015 15:56 - United Kingdom - Cheadle

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 529

You deserved it 2 727

By Anonymous - 22/05/2015 15:17 - United States

Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 138

You deserved it 3 187

By missko519 - 22/05/2015 07:36 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 174

You deserved it 21 774

By crossfitter - 21/05/2015 12:22

Today, I decided to get in shape for swimsuit season, so I went to the gym. I tried to lift a barbell up and over my head, which was fine, until I dropped it. Exercise earned me a concussion and a neck brace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 276

You deserved it 11 530

By Idle_Twin - 17/05/2015 17:53 - United States - Miami

Today, I was finishing my chest workout at the gym when this really cute girl started using the machine next to me. To impress her, I tried lifting a lot of weight on the barbell. It ended up landing on my neck and she had to help me get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 931

You deserved it 33 422

By no more flips - 17/05/2015 14:05 - United States - Columbus

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 787

You deserved it 7 060

Relationship goals

By Anonymous - 17/05/2015 05:10 - United States

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 523

You deserved it 2 702

By hedayk - 15/05/2015 20:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 282

You deserved it 12 032

By Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 267

You deserved it 36 972

By windthroughmyflab - 13/05/2015 23:19 - United States

Today, I stuck my hand out the car window and noticed my arm fat flapping in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 730

You deserved it 10 482

By Anonymous - 12/05/2015 03:02 - United States - Springfield

Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 929

You deserved it 2 099

By Anonymous - 10/05/2015 13:47 - United States

Today, I was feeling pretty, so I wore a skirt for the first time in years. Two hours later, my thighs hurt from slapping together so much. I no longer feel pretty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 676

You deserved it 5 278

By better late than never - 08/05/2015 21:32

Today, and for the first time in months, I woke up feeling well rested and ready to face the day. At 7pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 302

You deserved it 3 718

By Anonymous - 08/05/2015 16:46 - United Kingdom - Loughton

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 841

You deserved it 3 859

By flibbertigibbet - 07/05/2015 20:56 - United States - Ukiah

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my dad about my worries for my mental health. He then told me about the tracking device the aliens had implanted in his hand when they abducted him. There's nothing like family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 600

You deserved it 2 518

flibbertigibbet tells us more.

flibbertigibbet 3

Friday 8 May 2015 16:36

OP here. Just to clarify a few things, my dad started telling me about the aliens BEFORE I could even start telling him my own concerns, so the coincidence was quite funny, if sad. I decided that perhaps it wasn't actually the best time to bring up mental health. And for those who are worried, I am already getting professional help and on medication. It simply doesn't magically fix everything the way I wish it would!

By Anonymous - 04/05/2015 23:08 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by taking his new car to the automatic car wash. As soon as the water started, I realized that I forgot to close the sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 469

You deserved it 28 590

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 09:59 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 162

You deserved it 2 676

By I'm just sick, really - 02/05/2015 00:33 - United States - Springfield

Today, I felt sick to my stomach, so I told my mother I didn't want to eat dinner. She started accusing me of being anorexic, so I ate a little bit anyway to make her stop. I then threw up, only for her to take it as confirmation that I have an eating disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 354

You deserved it 2 465

By TJRoy - 29/04/2015 06:37 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, my father tried to excuse his alcoholism by saying that his stomach stops working, and he needs to drink vodka to get it started again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 744

You deserved it 2 241

TJRoy tells us more.

TJRoy 44

Wednesday 29 April 2015 19:34

He is Croatian, and he was sober. He 100% believes it's true and has said it on several occasions.

What new hell is this

By full bladder - 28/04/2015 22:39 - United States - Valrico

Today, I found out my anti-depressants are super-effective. So effective, they affect things they aren't even supposed to. Like my ability to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 966

You deserved it 2 377

Thank you for your service

By vomitgirl - 28/04/2015 05:24 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, during my shift at work, I started to feel really sick and started throwing up. While I had my head in a bag, I had several customers ask me for directions, and another customer abuse me for my lack of service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 156

You deserved it 2 466

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 10:05 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I snuck downstairs to watch a midnight movie. One moment I'm trying to plug my headphones in, in the dark, and the next my dad's beating the shit out of me with a baseball bat. Turns out he snuck down after me for a midnight snack and thought I was a burglar disconnecting the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 201

You deserved it 5 308

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 15:18 - United States

Today, the pills my doctor prescribed for my extremely painful period cramps apparently have a side effect; excruciatingly painful cramps. I feel like I'm being repeatedly stabbed in the ovaries with a rusty fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 102

You deserved it 2 439

By biomajor99 - 22/04/2015 21:46 - United States - Middletown

Today, I had to explain to my 23-year-old female friend that when I get my hysterectomy, I will still be able to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 778

You deserved it 2 183

By Anonymous - 22/04/2015 13:39 - United States - Columbus

Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 836

You deserved it 6 075

By MDoremis - 21/04/2015 13:37 - United States

Today, I was walking in the shoes I'm going to wear for a wedding and fell, spraining my ankle. I'm the Matron of Honor and I can barely walk. The wedding is in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 099

You deserved it 4 363

MDoremis tells us more.

MDoremis 38

Wednesday 22 April 2015 5:38

Thanks for all the well wishes and advice! I got some X-rays done and thankfully nothing was fractured or broken (and the screws from a previous break did not get wrenched loose in the fall)! I've been lucky enough to be assigned to completing the tasks, favors and whatnot, where I can prop my foot up and keep ice on it. I've also purchased a nice pair of flats, because there is no way I'm falling and breaking myself day of the wedding. As for a response from the bride, she pretty much told me it took a lot longer to fall than she thought it would (I'm super, super clumsy), and to keep off my feet so I can still be in the wedding without hurting myself again.