I hope OP can try to get her help or work it out with her first.

21, get her help? Sure. Work it out? No. It's clearly past that point.

I agree that it's a shame, for sure. But I don't think OP could've made a better decision at a better time... Her wife was laid off, meaning they now share the home even more often than before, and OP has become the dependent money maker of the household. She (OP) is essentially the babysitter to the paranoid partner she thought would make it through, "better or worse". My goodness, if that's not reason to file for divorce, I don't know what is.

You wrote this whole post like op is a girl and she is gay? There's no insinuation of this at all.

It clearly shows a female head and the FML says "wife". Pretty sure that's enough evidence to say she's gay. Learn to read, #110.

Clearly? Depend on where you're reading. It show no sign in my app at all, just the generic head outline for anonymous - where no sex is defined.

There is no mention of the OP's gender. Could be a guy or a girl

Lol that's not a man, man

you dont know that

Actually we do. OP is designated as female. So yeah, lesbians.

Except they do know that because of the pink "Anonymous" and the female poster symbol.

Pretty sure I call my female friends 'man' all the time. No need to jump on the gender defining band wagon.

Well, that's odd, because the app isn't showing me a pink anonymous or a symbol.

the fml app updated itself and I can no longer see gender. this new update really sucks.

Well in keeping with the direction the world is going, it seems companirs and sites now have to be gender neutral so they won't be sued for discrimination or gemder bias.

What app are you using? I can see the gender just fine...

I use the FML app on Android, I'm not sure if there are different apps though. Have used the app for a long while now and never had a problem, but it recently had an update. Before this update I could see it as well but now I cannot. Gonna try reinstalling the app I guess, because for some reason, I also see VDM instead of FML when I'm in the home screen.

I'm on the iPhone app, so maybe that's the problem.

Nope, mine is fine.

No, just you.

Many reasons she could be paranoid. A past relationship could have ended because of cheating, or she's just crazy.

What #51 said. Past cheated relationship usually makes people extra paranoid. I know this because this is how my boyfriend is right now. Unfortunately, that means I know too well how such delusions and distrust can lead to a relationship being more of a burden than a joy. It's such a shame too when all you want to do is be happy with a person but all they want to do is watch you to catch you. These issues hinder growth so much because they hack away at a basic relationship foundation - trust. It's not something most can handle and definitely NOT healthy for either party. I'm terribly sorry you had to go through that, OP. Good for you for distancing yourself from such depressing toxicity and showing yourself value by taking care of yourself. I genuinely hope you find your happiness.

She might be looking for a reason to make OP look like the bad guy, so she gets everything in the divorce. If you're caught cheating in a marriage, you get virtually nothing in the settlement.

She might find it too hard to believe that OP is divorcing her because of her faults and is looking for the 'real' reason.

An adulterer won't necessarily get nothing in a divorce. It depends on the state's divorce laws, specifically if it's a "no fault" state. In a no fault state, the behavior of the parties is not taken into account and everything is always split 50/50 except where a prenuptial agreement applies. It sounds unfair, and it is, but it removes any motivation an adulterer may have for murdering or blackmailing their spouse.

This is the UK, and believe it or not, adultery does not effect the divorce settlement at all, not within the law. Unless there is a prenup involved, but that's even more complicated. Sometimes it can make the guilty party feel bad, so they don't fight as much and award more to the innocent party out of guilt, but that is an action of the individual, not the law's doing. Adultery is only a reason to file, and can make the divorce process quicker, but as far as spousal and child support go, as well as distribution of assets, it effects nothing. Under the law, it's still 50/50 assets, and the party that makes less money is the one that gets the financial support, whether they were the one that cheated or not. This means that even if it was the party that contributed or made less in the relationship who cheated, even though they were the offender, they are still entitled to spousal support (and child if relevant) from the innocent party.

Chances are that OP has talked to her wife about this, and it either didn't help, or made it worse. Nobody should stay in a relationship where one side is this paranoid. It tends to stress people to the breaking point.

Op may have already tried talking to them about it. Maybe they've tried every other option already and divorce is the only thing left at this stage. I dont think it'll ruin anything if that's the case. We can't quite assume anything without knowing details.

Why all the dislikes. I was just saying. No one makes mistakes on earth ? We are all people...

everyone makes mistakes, though? like accidentally dropping your phone in the toilet, or Bill Clinton losing the nuclear launch codes. It's what makes us human.

I can list at least 5 reasons you are getting disliked. 1: You said OP was ruining her life by getting a divorce. 2: You misgendered OP, calling her a dude. 3: You assumed that OP hasn't already discussed this with her wife. 4: You're wording implies that you think OP should stay in an unhealthy, and untrusting relationship, in which her soon-to-be-ex-wife already essentially stalks her. 5: If OP's wife is already stalking her, the relationship is way more likely to destabilize further than it is to turn around and improve.

everyone makes mistakes but constantly leaving work to spy on your wife is ridiculous. If you are going to be paranoid and not trust your partner then obviously it will start to drive them insane and they will leave you. If you don't trust someone you should not be with them

I just realised she is gay. God said that gays are going to pay in hell.

Can you quote me the verse?

#66 are you trolling or serious? Because if serious - why would your beliefs about God and gay people have anything to do with this? Why bring it up? And why - (if homosexuality were a sin - which I do not believe it is) - would it mean going to hell any more than any other sins? What happened to the we're all human and everyone makes mistakes, forgiving attitude you had before? Being gay is not a mistake, it is not a sin and I do not believe anyone is going to hell for it, but what I don't understand is why being gay would merit this level of condemnation over any other 'sin'. Why does your forgiving attitude earlier suddenly turn to hate filled filth?

#75 Read the quran.

You can't fix crazy.

Given the circumstances it sounds as if divorce may be the best option to avoid ruining his life. A bad break up is still better than being in a miserable, unhealthy relationship forever.

Her life* OP is female

What didn't she do?