Health: Today, the officers of my archery club forgot to check if anybody... - FML

By arrow - 23/02/2016 20:39 - United States - Pomona

Today, the officers of my archery club forgot to check if anybody was behind the targets looking for arrows. I got hit in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 583

You deserved it 1 995

Taking stock

Sorry…

Skyped out

Slow

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 23/12/2020 22:58

Today, my fiancé told me he loved me just the way I am. But admitted he wished he had met me before my head injury that made me "slow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 80

Masterchef

By Embarassed - 19/03/2014 22:24 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, my boss told me that there is no point in making me cut onions anymore because every time I do, I look like I've "been beaten", and can't be seen by the customers for at least half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 666

You deserved it 3 606

By Hellosinglelife - 28/03/2013 22:35 - Trinidad and Tobago - Diego Martin

Today, my now ex-girlfriend posted on Facebook that I called her a "fucking bitch". Our mutual friends were all outraged, and demanded that I treat her with respect. What she failed to mention was that I said it after finding out that she's been sleeping with my "best friend" for the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 023

You deserved it 3 641

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 18:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 358

You deserved it 7 336

By EmbarrassedGirlfriend101 - 17/08/2011 16:40 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 172

You deserved it 7 494

By mo - 19/12/2011 07:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother told me I looked like a hooker in my wedding dress. Thanks mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 755

You deserved it 7 128

By krabby patty - 25/05/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 366

You deserved it 1 558

I'm a meme

By karen - 27/09/2019 14:00

Today, as always, my name is Karen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 386

By Alex - 31/03/2009 04:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me how I am too occupied with work for our relationship. Before we had sex I told my friend to call me in ten minutes so I can pretend its my boss and I would throw the phone away to impress her. He called me in ten minutes, but I only lasted five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 723

You deserved it 88 881

By nekkidness - 21/11/2012 21:06 - United States - Carthage

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 520

You deserved it 38 874

By sierraisfucked - 02/06/2009 07:55 - United States

Today, I was in Walmart with my mom. I was looking for some CDs I wanted and saw a cute guy. Then he nodded at me and as he started to walk towards me, I hear my name being called over the intercom. Apparently, according to my mom, it was time to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 390

You deserved it 4 176

By JobHunter - 28/07/2009 12:27 - Malta

Today, on my way to work I stopped at a winery and spent around $120 on 2 bottles of wine for my boss, since it was his birthday. When I gave him the gift, in exchange he let me know I am being laid off - his consolation was "if you can afford this wine I'm sure you'll be OK". FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 106

You deserved it 4 277

By stressed - 12/10/2014 06:40 - United States - Statham

Today, as a restaurant manager, I had a large party of difficult guests. They sat in their private room they'd reserved for three-and-a-half hours, then caused a huge scene when it was time to pay. One guy even ran at me like he was going to hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 794

You deserved it 2 655

By Emily S - 09/10/2011 05:17 - Australia

Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 291

You deserved it 40 309

Cool

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 18:00

Today, I tore my calf muscle while skipping and singing Yellow Brick Road. I'm off my foot for 4-6 weeks and don't even have a cool story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 318

You deserved it 367

By Dead_Eye - 27/09/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I turned down an invite to a huge private party that is rarely given to freshmen in college, because I felt bad that I hadn't had a chance to talk to my girlfriend in a couple of days. I called her a couple of hours later. She answered with, "Hey, I'm at a party. I will call you tomorrow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 627

You deserved it 20 995

Stop calling

By Anonymous - 09/10/2021 23:02 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I've changed my number twice already. When I asked why the insurance agent gave my contact details away without my consent, she replied, "But he seemed so concerned about you!" I suddenly wish there was a serial killer list I can upload her personal information to. Not that I'll actually do it, but fuck you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 62

Hangry

By Anonymous - 23/05/2021 06:01

Today, my son threw a temper tantrum and told me I “should have aborted him” and threatened to run away from home. Why? Because I nicely asked him to share his french fries with his sister. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 205

By Al Staten - 06/12/2016 22:03

Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 373

You deserved it 2 509

By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 170

You deserved it 507

Snow day

By doggie_doo_face - 06/02/2010 00:50 - United States

Today, my dog accidentally crapped on her leash. When I flicked the leash to get the poo off, it went flying. Have you ever had warm poo hit you in the face on a cold day when there's 6 inches of snow on the ground? I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 025

You deserved it 9 673

By maddy - 28/02/2010 17:10 - United States

Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There was no time to shower and it smelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 013

You deserved it 23 729

By BearGrillz - 17/08/2009 23:40 - United States

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 256

You deserved it 25 932

By pgmonster - 21/05/2015 10:48 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I backed into an expensive SUV only minutes after my boss congratulated me for being the only employee to not wreck a company car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 857

You deserved it 5 355

Game of Nope

By no no no - 23/07/2017 20:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 920

You deserved it 576

Entitled

By hate this job - 09/06/2021 19:59

Today, a 300 lb woman caused a huge scene at the public pool where I work. She accused me of fatshaming and swore to sue me for discrimination. I asked her to cover up, as her 3x too small string bikini went against the pool’s dress code. I don’t make the rules, I just have to enforce them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 96

By cupcakemonsteryu - 08/02/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I found out that the man I met online was a fake Facebook account, made by my daughter and her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 741

You deserved it 7 475

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 05:59 - United States - Jeromesville

Today, a friend invited me to christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there she told me her and her husband forgot they had another dinner to go to and asked if I would watch their kids for them. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 073

You deserved it 2 877

By SK8WITME - 12/02/2016 18:22 - India

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 080

You deserved it 6 736

Grindr danger

By notagain - 07/03/2020 09:01

Today, while on Grindr, I met a guy who seemed really nice and we hit it off. After chatting for a bit, I received a message from his wife, telling me I'd better leave him alone. This isn't the first time that's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 259

By Application - 28/07/2015 20:44 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I asked my boss for a promotion. "You don't work here but I can give you a job application." I've been working here for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 658

You deserved it 2 089

I don't need a Xanny to feel better

By Paprika - 12/05/2021 04:01

Today, my psychiatrist prescribed Xanax. I thought that was a little extreme and that my anxiety wasn't bad enough for that. Within the next hour, I had 2 panic attacks. I guess I'm worse off than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 103

By SchoolSucks - 19/02/2013 17:05 - United States

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 311

You deserved it 3 194

Worldstar! Worldstar!

By Anonymous - 05/09/2020 08:04 - United States

Today, I went to buy some flowers for the anniversary of my grandpa's death. I was feeling sad as I finished paying, but as soon as I got near the exit, two women started fighting at the door. We had to wait for the fight to finish because the staff decided to record it and not break it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 99

By dazedandconfused - 18/09/2016 09:44 - United Kingdom - Dorking

Today, I found out why my wife has been upset with me for the last week. She told me this morning that I did something to upset her on our date night last Friday, she won't tell me what, and she said she'll leave me if I do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 348

You deserved it 1 087

By xyz - 09/02/2009 18:24 - Ireland

Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response: "not significantly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 781

You deserved it 30 657

By fired - 04/11/2011 04:04 - Australia

Today, I was fired for the second time in as many days. I received a letter notifying me that I would no longer be working for the company, effective immediately. When I did not attend work the next day, I received a phone call firing me for not turning up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 821

You deserved it 2 658

By sadgirl - 23/01/2009 16:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 876

You deserved it 56 112

Happy chicken day!

By 3monthsagostillnochkns - 12/09/2021 20:01

Today, after my kids told me they'd saved cash to buy me my dream birthday present - chickens - and after I'd worked excitedly to exhaustion for a week building a coop and chicken yard with no offered help from my husband, I'm now sitting in my empty chicken pen after everyone forgot about my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 65

Smells like victory

By Lucas - 14/12/2020 13:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, during oral sex, my wife squirted, which she’s never done before, and I was so surprised I accidentally breathed it straight up my nose. It’s been 3 hours and it’s still all I can smell FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 337

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Top comments

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 6:54

"I used to be an archer like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee."

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 6:54

This sounds like the beginning of a bad Skyrim joke...

Comments

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 6:53

Swerve bitch

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 7:02

Really? The first comment, and it's something of this idiotic nature?

blueideamonkey97 11

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 6:53

I used to be good in archery club. Then I took an arrow to the knee...

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 20:00

I use to be good in an archery club, but then someone stole my sweetroll.

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Thursday 25 February 2016 4:11

I used to be good in archery club, but then i drank skooma

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 6:53

Oooohh, that is so not cool OP! I hope they did something to make it up to you!

sturschaedel 27

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 9:29

And still, OP was lucky it was just his leg being hit. Head or torso would have been way worse. Yeah, I, too, hope that they will find a way to make it up for OP, and prevent it from happening again.

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 6:54

This sounds like the beginning of a bad Skyrim joke...

RoboCunnilingus 23

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 21:59

It was.

Diarrhea_Volcano 29

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 6:54

"I used to be an archer like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee."

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 6:55

It's an arrow in* the knee. That's always been a pet peeve of mine. Either way it's Nordic custom (in real life and skyrim) to say that instead of,"getting married"

teapotrevolt 27

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 14:35

I'm so happy you saw it and took it. I will never tire of this joke.

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 15:22

Shut the hell up

laden_swallow09 34

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 17:26

48 - no u

qpdoll 19

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Thursday 25 February 2016 5:16

Damnit that was my exact thought.

wuld 5

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Friday 26 February 2016 4:44

wow i was going to say that

mxiii 7

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 6:56

Did it pierce the skin or anything? Hope you're alright!

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 7:00

Unless they were toy arrows (the kind with a suction cup tip), given the force needed to make an arrow travel the distance to most targets at standard ranges, it's a pretty safe bet that it did.

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 7:43

No, not at all. It simply caressed op's skin, I'm sure.

bandaidstations 28

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 19:38

Even if it wasnt an arrow with a crazy killer tip on it...My boyfriend got shot in the leg with a blunt practice arrow. It still went the whole way through and he still has nerve damage from it. Was a pretty serious injury.

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 20:31

Since his skin is made of impenetrable adamantium that developed at a young age, he was easily able to deflect the aerodynamically sharpened weapon traveling at 200 mph. Yup, not even a scratch.

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Thursday 25 February 2016 6:38

The arrow could've grazed the skin. If it was a broadhead, it's gotta be 10x worse, especially if it's a quad blade head.

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 6:59

You could probably sue them for that. That's negligence.

khaoticpanda 28

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 7:12

Thats what i was thinking. I know very little about archery but if it were a gun range for sure lawsuits would be made.

Dale_shackleford 13

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 15:44

If it were a gun range they would probably be shut down and jailed. You can also almost garuntee that they would lose their FFL, assuming they have one.

epost1 13

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 17:00

Sue em because this is AMERICA

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 18:36

It's an injury caused by negligence of the people who are supposed to make sure someone isn't hurt, this is literally the perfect time to sue--if only to cover medical bills. Which they should've doing anyway, since it's THEIR fault OP was injured.

Shadowtrooper34 16

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 7:05

Holy hell that must've hurt.

TheKingOfHearts 19

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 7:05

Sue them and get 1,000,000$ no?

domolovesyoshi 33

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 15:20

1 million monies?

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Thursday 25 February 2016 11:49

Sue them for a small loan of a $1,000,000?

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 7:06

Must. Resist. Making. Skyrim joke.

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Wednesday 24 February 2016 8:33

I'd give you a cookie but I took an arrow to the knee

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 35

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 66

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 714