Health: Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by... - FML

By neveragain - 12/02/2016 19:10 - United Kingdom - Byfleet

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 530

You deserved it 4 621

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Mama's boy

Insurance is a scam: Tokyo drift

By Tanner - 16/07/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 359

You deserved it 3 670

By EmbarrassedDaughter - 23/05/2010 07:27 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was on my bed on top of my boyfriend when I lost my balance and fell. My father walked in the door to see what the noise was. I don't know what is more embarrassing, my father walking in, or him walking in saying "Thats an expensive bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 571

You deserved it 10 538

By Anonymous - 27/04/2016 10:39 - United States - Lemon Grove

Today, I was pretending a long corridor at work was a catwalk, when a coworker walked out just in time to see me prancing around like an idiot. Now the whole building is laughing about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 399

You deserved it 7 446

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up, and he came by to get his things while I was at work. When I got home I saw that the only thing he had taken was my cat. I only dated him for 5 months, I've had that cat for 14 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 528

You deserved it 3 779

By Anonymous - 04/04/2009 10:57 - Denmark

Spicy

Today, was the first time my boyfriend slept over. He was hard, so I woke him up by whispering in his ear, "If you could get me to do anything right now, what would it be?" His response, "Can you get me a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream?" He was hard, for ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 865

You deserved it 14 710

By Anonymous - 27/09/2010 15:07 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I got a graphing calculator and my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 509

You deserved it 4 783

By sarah - 19/10/2011 19:36 - United States

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me when I was leaving and said, "Have a nice... week!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 988

You deserved it 5 137

By Waterer - 30/08/2015 17:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I watered a dying communal plant. I was fined $250 for littering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 801

You deserved it 1 762

By Anonymous - 22/06/2016 00:28

Today, after the last few months of my sister living with me while she finds her feet, I asked if she could help me out by doing the washing up. Half an hour later, I walked into knee high dish soap foam in the kitchen. My sister was right in the middle, trying to sculpt dicks. She's 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 024

You deserved it 1 082

By walkingdead_1029 - 06/05/2013 06:49 - United States - Peoria

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 710

You deserved it 6 444

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 02:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 989

You deserved it 2 402

By Fido - 06/06/2016 11:58 - United States

Today, my 3-year-old girl accidentally caught sight of me stepping out of the shower. Now she thinks "daddy has a tail" and she just has to let everyone know about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 410

You deserved it 1 522

By Ashley - 03/05/2016 04:25 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of 5 years won't propose/marry me. He would rather wait for his estranged wife to meet someone, fall in love, decide to get married, and do the filing herself. He doesn't want to pay the couple of hundred dollars for the uncontested divorce filing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 717

You deserved it 2 250

By theshameofit - 01/02/2011 17:42 - Cyprus

Spicy

Today, at a restaurant, I ordered the best chocolate soufflé on the menu, which was called "Double Satisfaction". The waiter asked me what would I like to order. The words that came out of my mouth were "Double Orgasm". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 767

You deserved it 42 161

By swmmr - 07/08/2011 19:41 - United States

Today, my dad suggested that as an alternative to buying me new school clothes that actually fit, I should just join the swim team, lose some weight, and wear my stuff from last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 389

You deserved it 14 061

By Frank - 17/08/2011 06:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 843

You deserved it 6 370

By fmlmao - 28/01/2017 12:00

Today, I was feeling depressed, so I decided to go snowboarding with friends to cheer myself up. I fell on the first trail and broke my dominant wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 770

You deserved it 560

By you - 30/10/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 728

You deserved it 78 742

There's always someone with a big nose who knows

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 22:01

Today, I failed an assignment because the person I paid to do it plagiarized the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 2 595

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 04:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 712

You deserved it 13 147

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend and he brushed my hair out of my eyes. Then he smiled and said "Your eyes are two different colors right now. One's blue, one's green..." I was so happy he still noticed the little things. Then he finished his sentence with "...ya know, like a dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 852

You deserved it 5 844

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 17:20 - Romania

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 293

You deserved it 3 613

By blahmylife - 15/12/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, my boss is being so cheap, he'd rather type in the dark, not fix our water heater or replace our cordless phone because he will not get his bonus if he goes over the budget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 067

You deserved it 2 486

By markymark - 17/05/2011 17:36 - United States

Today, I took a final for my law class. As I was taking the test, I noticed the girl on my left copying off me. I wrote all the wrong answers on my sheet while writing the correct answers on my desk hoping she would copy the wrong answers down. I forgot to write the correct answers on my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 124

You deserved it 69 068

By Chubby - 17/11/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 104

You deserved it 5 154

Bad timing

By Her - 05/12/2016 17:01 - Canada - Montréal

Spicy

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decided to tell me this while we were laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 025

You deserved it 1 183

By Aleial - 19/11/2011 08:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's "therapy" meetings have been with my best friend, in his truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 413

You deserved it 4 038

Hate sex

By xenutja - 29/01/2021 13:02 - United States - Amery

Spicy

Today, I found out why my boyfriend always has sex with me like he hates me. Turns out, he actually hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, I woke my boyfriend up at 7 a.m. to have sex. I thought the sex was great, but later he kept complaining, "I can't believe you woke me up so early." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 710

By GirlfriendsAreBadForYourBack - 06/08/2013 16:01 - United States - Lynbrook

Today, I was feeling down because I always think that I'm overweight. My boyfriend tried to prove me wrong by lifting me up. I threw his back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 743

You deserved it 9 898

By Anonymous - 18/05/2016 05:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my cat refuses to drink from any source of water that isn't the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 733

You deserved it 1 636

By sad child - 27/08/2011 07:45 - United States

Today, I went to my doctor for a check-up. It started with the doctor lifting my shirt up to check my heartbeat, and ended with my gran starting a fistfight over his "perverted ways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 680

You deserved it 2 690

By time to lawyer up - 20/02/2014 21:20 - United States - Forney

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 365

You deserved it 52 836

By Pon - 23/01/2017 18:00

Today, my girlfriend bought me a new hockey jersey and donated my old one. My old one was signed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 244

You deserved it 498

By Tib - 18/12/2009 06:42 - United States

Today, I had to take a urine test. I drank a lot of water so that I wouldn't force it. When I got there, I had to pee really bad. The cup was too small and when I relieved my bladder, it was a jet that rebounded off of the cup and overflowed going all over my hands, clothes, toilet, and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 334

You deserved it 26 389

OCD FML

By necca - 15/04/2021 23:00

Today, during class, my teacher left a small mark on the whiteboard. When I pointed it out, she simply rolled her eyes and told me to, “let it go.” I have OCD and was completely unable to focus on the rest of the lesson because of the mark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 663

Major annoyance

By E.B. - 27/06/2014 00:07 - United States - Grenada

Today, I'm a college student working at Dollar Tree. The signs hanging every 10 ft, plastered on every box, every wall, every corner, say "Everything's $1." Someone asked me how much something was, because there was no price tag. This happens multiple times a day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 893

You deserved it 4 853

By thanks mom - 03/05/2019 14:00

Today, after 10 years of intense training, I earned a black belt in karate. When I told my mom, she asked how long it took me, then laughed and sarcastically remarked, "Wow. SO impressive," whilst slow-clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 286

You deserved it 310

By fuckalltwitardsintheface - 20/09/2012 21:34 - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 495

You deserved it 1 691

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

By queenofthegypsys - 01/03/2020 23:00

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 012

You deserved it 867

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Top comments

thatsjustgreat1 16

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:29

Gives a new meaning to "bust a nut".

SecundusSecunda 27

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:29

What has been pictured in my mind, cannot be undone. ಠ_ಠ I hope your jewel heals. Tis' but a scratch!

Comments

jackthekeeper 24

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:28

That made me cringe so fucking hard

ChocolateScyther 19

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:38

I just hope to god it can be put back together or something

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Saturday 13 February 2016 13:36

It's been 5-10 mins I've read this post and im still feeling pain for the poor guy.

galen_harris 12

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Saturday 13 February 2016 21:34

I haven't worn underwear for 9 years and this has never happened to me...

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Tuesday 16 February 2016 16:27

I'm so sick today that I feel nothing

syki 22

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:29

I will never complain about underboob sweat again.

lexos 16

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Saturday 13 February 2016 9:21

This not really a common thing to happen. I didn't even know that this was possible

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Saturday 13 February 2016 9:38

@17: As a person with breasts, I assure you it is possible.

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Saturday 13 February 2016 10:24

I think 17 was referring to sitting on a testicle and having it rupture, not the under boob sweat.

lexos 16

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Monday 15 February 2016 23:00

@20 I mean sitting on your balls I know that under boob sweat is a thing

thatsjustgreat1 16

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:29

Gives a new meaning to "bust a nut".

SecundusSecunda 27

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:29

What has been pictured in my mind, cannot be undone. ಠ_ಠ I hope your jewel heals. Tis' but a scratch!

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Saturday 13 February 2016 23:25

Just a flesh wound. :v

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:31

Something tells me that would have happened anyway. FYL OP :(

onlychildFTW 33

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Saturday 13 February 2016 12:59

Probably a lot less likely. I wear briefs and never come close to sitting on my own balls.

sydnvy 15

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:38

imagine the conversation between him and the doctors; doctor: so how did this happen OP: *looks off into the distance as a single tear falls from eye* it all started with one pair of tighty whiteys.....

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Saturday 13 February 2016 9:31

OP: It was a cold February morning and beads of water were gently rolling off the morning grass. The spearmint green that filters through the leaves of the trees penetrated deep through the car window as I was driving to work. In my office, as I unknowingly sat down... you can imagine, Doctor, the horror I felt and still feel to this moment.

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:40

I cringed and curled into a ball as soon as I read this....and I'm a girl. I'm sorry OP. Hopefully you'll make a quick and safe recovery.

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:40

Why would you ever go commando in the first place .-.

angiemarie96 25

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Saturday 13 February 2016 10:14

because it's comfy

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Saturday 13 February 2016 12:18

I always go commando. I have for years. It's so much more comfortable. Never came close to sitting on my balls, though I discovered more respect for the ladies after going commando in a kilt.

katachristic 19

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Saturday 13 February 2016 19:53

+1 for doing it right and going full monty in the kilt.

Zebediabolical 39

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Saturday 13 February 2016 20:22

Other than specific instances, such as an extra layer during winter sports like skiing or snowboarding or snowmobiling, I haven't worn underwear since 2007. Freeballing is amazing.

galen_harris 12

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Saturday 13 February 2016 21:52

@#30 I've also gone commando for a good nine years now, and I've also never come close to OP's horrific incident.

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Sunday 14 February 2016 2:02

Totes

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:42

I wonder if every guy sits on their balls at least once in their lives

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Saturday 13 February 2016 9:12

It's true, we do. Just not normally to the extent of rupturing a testicle.

nousername111 8

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Saturday 13 February 2016 9:25

don't think I ever did because I actually wear underwear

onlychildFTW 33

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Saturday 13 February 2016 13:00

I never have but I also wear briefs and they keep everything well supported and snug out of the way.

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Sunday 14 February 2016 6:36

Ive done if maybe 3-4 times

blazingshot147 19

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Sunday 14 February 2016 21:12

Happens once a week for me. Though it's mostly just pinched skin on the ballsack, as is for most men.

zaidthunder1 27

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Saturday 13 February 2016 8:45

This sounds worse than Dutch scratching.

Mynamewontfi 40

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Saturday 13 February 2016 11:49

What does that mean? I'm Dutch and it always surprises me that I, rather frequently, see a phrase like this using Dutch in it.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 6

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 64

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 227