Animals: Today, my husband was using the microwave when we suddenly hear... - FML

By Alex White - 02/05/2016 16:50 - Canada - Westerose

Today, my husband was using the microwave when we suddenly hear a huge 'POP'. The good news is we found our daughter's missing hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 425

You deserved it 4 735

Dementia or hate? You decide

Compromises

Leave us alone

By shygurl434 - 15/03/2010 09:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, the boy I like finally acknowledged me. He came up to me and uttered two words: "Nice pooper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 138

You deserved it 3 624

Thanks, I guess…

By Gabrielguitar - 25/04/2009 14:23 - United States

Today, it was my birthday and everyone in the office chipped in to buy me a card, and nothing but a card. It had a pre-written message on it and a space to write "Love, *insert name*" where everyone signed their names. The "Love" was crossed out and replaced with "From". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 826

You deserved it 5 295

By Anonymous - 06/10/2015 21:57 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I realized my sister has a yeast infection. How, you ask? Her tube of yeast infection cream and my tube of toothpaste look remarkably similar. I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 694

You deserved it 3 197

Bitten

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 00:01 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I had to explain to a lady that the reason I mindlessly touched my crotch was to itch a mosquito bite. She didn't believe me, and called me a pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 323

You deserved it 484

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 17:07 - United States

Today, as always, I have a type of eczema that flares up when I'm stressed out or anxious. And today, the girl I've been in love with for 4 years asked me out on a date. We meet up in a few hours, and right now I look like I have smallpox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 509

You deserved it 1 738

By Anonymous - 25/06/2019 22:14

Today, my mother-in-law told me to "just wait" until she gets home from her trip, because apparently, taking a vacation with her partner is more important than the birth of her first grandchild. Contractions started a few hours ago. Part of me hopes she misses it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 105

You deserved it 198

By E_Sauce - 24/03/2019 12:00

Today I went to the bank to get a jar of coins exchanged for cash via fancy counter machine. After 30 minutes I was handed a bag of rolling sleeves and was told to do it myself. Good news, I have a lot more money than I thought. Bad news, I have A LOT more coins than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 324

By Nastiaa - 15/02/2009 15:49 - Estonia

Today, I was a host during kids' event. I did my job and started to do some funny moves to entertain the kids. I was wearing a top with a really low cut. Then noticed that all the children were pointing at me happily and adults looked surprised. Then I noticed that both my boobs had popped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 195

You deserved it 57 640

By Ugh - 12/07/2019 04:00

Today, I was on the bus. I have a phobia of babies crying, and recently, whenever I've been on a long journey, there's been one and I've had an anxiety attack. There were no babies on this bus, just an old lady showing her friend videos of her screaming grandchild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 480

By mokki - 31/03/2015 12:56 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 210

You deserved it 3 506

Promises, promises

By IHateMyLife - 06/04/2021 00:30

Today, my boyfriend promised me to cook dinner if I picked him up from work, almost 100 km and 2-hour drive. I did this even though I worked the night shift yesterday and had to today and normally have to sleep a lot. But no, after we got home, he fell asleep and was still sleeping and snoring when I had to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 161

By only1bigdogme - 03/09/2011 05:24 - United States

Today, I tried to scare a new college friend by sneaking up behind her wearing a mask. It worked. And so did her lightning fast reflexes developed from multiple martial arts championships. My 2 cracked ribs, broken nose and bruised ballsack can now be added to her list of achievements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 741

You deserved it 53 076

By apparentlyugly - 26/04/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. They had this feature where you could send a picture of something from your cell phone and they'd put it on the big screens, so I sent a picture of myself in. When the picture came up on the screens, the entire crowd of about 4,000 people went, "Ewwww!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 960

You deserved it 31 177

By Olorin - 12/08/2010 23:21 - Germany

Today, I was installing TVs in a hospital. When I knocked on a door, a female voice asked me to come in. I opened the door to see an 80 year old woman standing in front of me, naked. She then complained when I hesitated to help her to put some clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 356

You deserved it 2 718

By Iwasjustmovingout - 05/05/2019 00:00

Today, out of the blue, my husband suggested to his parents that they move to our town for the next six months, with the understanding that we’d see them nearly every day. I found out about this when they starting making plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 859

You deserved it 151

By rofld - 14/07/2010 16:47 - United States

Today, I ran over a newspaper with the lawnmower, instantly volunteering myself to pick up confetti for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 818

You deserved it 27 982

My Baby Boy

By Lilahpaints - 22/10/2019 18:00

Today, twelve days after stomach surgery, I birthed a left behind, forgotten blood-stained stinky surgical swab from my vagina. I have no idea why it was there in the first place. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 131

By WitchQueenLiz - 28/06/2009 08:25 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Normally, the little office I work in throws a big party for every employee on their special day, but nothing was done for me, not even a "Happy Birthday" came my way. I didn't want to be rude, so I stayed silent. They didn't do anything because I was getting laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 658

You deserved it 3 140

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 08:36 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my new boyfriend. When the check came, he asked, "Do you accept food stamps?" When the waiter said no, he checked in his wallet and said, "Well all I have is five dollars." I ended up picking up the $20 tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 033

You deserved it 8 329

By sarahc_c - 08/12/2014 09:17

Today, my boss commented on the fact that I don't usually wear makeup, then told me it would be much appreciated if I'd change that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 066

You deserved it 3 453

By Mcwifi - 21/04/2016 17:58 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, traffic was so bad that I was able to connect to the WiFi of a nearby McDonald's and successfully listen to a 30-minute podcast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 807

You deserved it 1 431

By NoMeatFail - 27/02/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I was eating Campbell's vegetable soup. Halfway through, I started to read the ingredients and found beef broth. I have been a vegetarian for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 904

You deserved it 55 170

By Tiffosaur - 04/01/2013 06:12 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 857

You deserved it 2 621

By HM - 06/04/2011 17:28 - Germany

Today, I found out that my entire class, me included, has to rewrite the painfully difficult midterm we wrote last week. All this because the Professor left the exams strewn across her desk. The cleaners thought it was trash and disposed of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 706

You deserved it 3 565

By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 05:42 - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a girl I've been talking to on the internet for a year and a half. Turns out she edits her moustache out of all her photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 279

You deserved it 35 312

Conundrum

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 04:01

Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 87

By anonymous - 18/09/2009 17:48 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling too good, and took my temperature. I had a fever, which I told my boyfriend who was laughing hysterically when I told him. I asked him what was so funny, turns out he's been using the thermometer to take our dog's temperature sometimes. Rectally, of course. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 488

You deserved it 5 558

Hangry

By Jago - 12/08/2021 03:01

Today, I'm running so fucking low on money, I have to go to the supermarket to eat free bites of ham, cheese and whatever they have on their aisles for breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 95

Gatekeeping gamers

By oldschool - 04/06/2021 08:03

Today, my roommate walked in on me playing Ocarina of Time and snarkily asked me why I’m playing a 20 year-old game. Apparently I’m not allowed to like stuff that didn’t come out this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 97

By Danners88 - 11/11/2009 04:36 - Australia

Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 296

You deserved it 2 831

By iTried - 28/01/2016 12:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 488

You deserved it 8 752

By sorejecteditmakesmewannacry - 29/08/2013 10:44 - France - Poissy

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 102

You deserved it 3 791

By Anonymous - 19/06/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a post-it note on my locker that said "consider yourself dumped". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 746

You deserved it 4 661

By yummy(: - 31/10/2010 02:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who is a great cook, decided to try his hand at baking. The cookies he made looked weird but tasted good. I jokingly said, "They taste great, but they look awful!" He responded by saying, "I could say the same thing about you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 860

You deserved it 27 319

By Kylene - 23/04/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, I had an interview for a job in a professor's lab. He seemed like a really nice, grandfatherly old guy. We got up to go take a look around the lab, and he held out his arms really wide to me... so I went in for a hug. Turns out he was just gesturing for me to go through the door first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 708

You deserved it 52 659

By sharkgirl4 - 25/08/2014 16:17 - United States - Rialto

Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard off and was trying to unscrew the blades, when my roommate decided it'd be funny to plug it in. The blades sliced into my thumb. I need stitches, and he still thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 004

You deserved it 4 365

By teegtwo - 22/07/2014 05:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 880

You deserved it 26 954

Slipped

By Badchristian - 05/04/2012 04:17 - United States - Pasadena

Spicy

Today, I went to my Christian accountability partner from church to talk about continuing to maintain Christian values. We had sex. Oh, the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 384

You deserved it 43 044

By Anonymous - 24/08/2011 08:03 - United States

Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 342

You deserved it 3 282

By Username - 22/02/2010 05:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 032

You deserved it 3 311

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:01

he didn't notice the hamster in there when he put the food in?

Demon_of_Light 27

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:03

I'm not sure how you could not notice a frantic furry animal in your microwave.

Comments

Viper_Revenge 10

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 22:58

"MOMMY? WHERE'S HAMMY" "HE SHOULD BE IN HIS CAGE! "Quicky, go get a new hamster"

thestoryofacaleb 14

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:07

The husband is now names quicky?

saxaddict122 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 0:45

... And perhaps a new microwave?

writerchic85 25

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 2:15

I would absolutely not get that kid a new hamster. They can't open microwave doors. The kid or someone else put it in there.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 10:16

Someone might have left the door open

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 May 2016 12:40

And left it on ground level?

Ungrateful_Imp 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 May 2016 22:31

"Oh Hammy's just in his Faraday Cage sweety"

Viper_Revenge 10

Send a private message

Friday 6 May 2016 6:32

Yes, yes he is

Viper_Revenge 10

Send a private message

Friday 6 May 2016 6:34

Hamster and micro

Send a private message

Sunday 8 May 2016 6:00

that is horrible yet funny, am I going to hell?

CaptainSmith28 19

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 22:59

Ew

neawalkerthebear 15

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 22:59

OMG Op that's tragic! FYL to the poor hamster!

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:17

it don't have a life any more...

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:19

#13 that just made me even more sad

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 8:58

I wouldn't even attempt to clean it up. I'd unplug the microwave and head straight to the dump. That shit's traumatising.

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:01

he didn't notice the hamster in there when he put the food in?

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:24

It was probably in the back corner and he put in the food quick.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 1:13

My question is how the hell did the hamster get in there! It's a pretty closed system. Someone had to have placed him in there

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 2:14

I don't know. The hamster would have to be very small and the microwave very large for this mistake to happen. I just don't understand how it's possible to make that mistake.

32RH 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 3:16

The hamster could have bee in the food

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 3:43

Wouldn't you notice the hamster in the food though? And how did it get in the food?

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 4:49

It was popcorn never mind read it wrong

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 5:27

Question. Did anyone in the house hate the hamster? *raises eyebrow*

Pandapete4857 11

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:03

How did you not see the hamster when putting the food in.

Demon_of_Light 27

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:03

I'm not sure how you could not notice a frantic furry animal in your microwave.

Send a private message

Friday 6 May 2016 7:24

Perhaps it wasn't in the cooking part of the microwave. Since I doubt hamsters can open microwave doors, I'm assuming it burrowed into the back, or even chewed through the cord.

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:11

Either this didn't happen and you're an attention troll, or your husband is blind and/or possibly stupid. Seriously, he DIDN'T see a HAMSTER in a microwave?!

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:15

Seriously!

Monday 2 May 2016 23:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

fakedsincerity 32

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 0:06

Yes. You are. It's pretty sick to laugh at an animal exploding. What the fuck.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 0:24

lol

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 1:52

I want to see this happening I'm going down the same road as you.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 3:03

Actually, its blood would boil, it would be unable to breathe, and its innards would cook. Not a fast or good death by any means.

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 5:41

It's terrible but it's funny, poor little guy

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 May 2016 22:53

You an me both, dear

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 May 2016 3:52

I'd laugh as well to the thought of the pop but I don't think it instantly killed it.

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 May 2016 14:14

#142 it wouldn't have been instant but it would've been somewhat quick

TMWhisp 22

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:15

Oh my god. Did your husband think it was a Gremlin?

cheetahgirl0907 8

Send a private message

Monday 2 May 2016 23:14

How did it even get into the microwave in the first place?

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 13

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 29

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 2 425