Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able...

By Anonymous - United States - Ames

Today, the highlight of my whole month was finally being able to take a solid crap. FML

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13372

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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Health

This is us

Understanding

Can they do that?

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

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32194

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By amiezingme - United States - Swansboro

Today, my boyfriend's dream came true; he had always wanted to break a bed during sex. The bed he broke was a heirloom in my family for 150 years. The best part: he was by himself. FML

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64008

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By gringa_Peru - Peru

Today, I had the good fortune of finding a seat on the bus, not the norm in Peru. Several minutes after sitting down, I felt something on my shoulder. Thinking it was a hand, I turned my head to look. I came face to face with a dirty man's crotch, it was his erection resting on my shoulder. FML

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169671

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By KMack - United States

Today, I went to the allergist. I found out that I am allergic to dogs, cats, wool, fleece, and pet dander. I'm currently planning to go to school to become a veterinarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41701

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By Welp

Today, I failed my nursing clinical for, "being too nice". FML

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4148

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By spandexwiener - United States - Export

Today, I finally finished my summer assignments for three AP classes. My schedule also arrived. Turns out my school can't place me in any of them, and I just wasted the last four weeks of my summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27972

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By Anonymous - United States - Kankakee

Today, I fell asleep in class. One minute I'm listening to a lecture, and twenty-five minutes later, I'm waking up screaming in agony in front of everyone after biting my tongue in my sleep. FML

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19695

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By greaaaatt. - United States

Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Carribean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41860

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By Fuck irony - United States - Binghamton

Today, I was volunteering at a soup kitchen and was advised to leave my wallet and cell phone in my car so they wouldn’t be stolen. Someone broke into my car and stole them. FML

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3883

You deserved it

477

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By Anonymous

Et tu, Chandler?

Today, I found out that when my friends say they're too busy to hang out with me, what they really mean is that they're going to have an awesome pool party, and don't want me to come. The Instagram stories say it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1695

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161

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By sketchball - United States

Today, my landlord informed me that from now on, she'd prefer if I paid my rent in cash each month. Apparently, I "look sketchy" and she didn't "ever want to deal with the hassle of a bounced check." FML

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23484

You deserved it

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By Iamthatgirl - United States - Ada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42279

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By Anonymous - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47212

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was babysitting to make a few extra dollars. While changing one of the kid's diapers, I turned around to find the other kid gone. I turned back around frantically, only to get poop flung at my face. I guess I found him. FML

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27498

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2020 05:08

Targeted

Today, I woke up and went down to my apartment's underground garage/laundry area to do my laundry and noticed my family's car in the back of the lot, as far away from the garage door as can be, had been broken into. The other, more expensive cars around the garage were untouched. FML

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1341

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By SkinsCastSelection - Switzerland

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38915

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, after a long day of working on my feet, I came home looking forward to soaking my aching feet in a foot spa. When I was pulling the machine out of a closet, it slipped and came crashing down on my feet. It broke. So did three of my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52917

You deserved it

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By JohnBlack - United States

Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML

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32328

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By brokenhearted - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my boyfriend sent me so many nice texts that he made me fall in love with him that little bit more. It turns out he was sweetening me up before telling me he cheated on me the night before. FML

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34036

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By Albert06 - France

Today, I showed my colleagues how I could switch on my webcam at home from the office. That's how we all found out my wife is cheating on me. FML

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120761

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By tara22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72916

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By DaggerHole - Australia

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

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40038

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By sonotsuave - United States - Arlington

Today, I was tutoring. When my kids were finally working on their own, I stood in my classroom’s doorway to talk to my boss sitting outside about upcoming work. Suddenly, one of my students sitting directly behind me let out the loudest fart ever. I think my boss heard and thought it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

You deserved it

169

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 23:10

Bit on the side

Today, I have been talking to someone for the past 9 months. He always said he could never give me a relationship. But he loves me. He finally told me it’s because he’s been with someone for 3 years and I’m basically the side chick he fell in love with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1415

You deserved it

292

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By Boo

Today, my boyfriend pulled the whole "whoops wrong hole" thing during rough sex. He broke up with me because he got poop on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4398

You deserved it

370

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By angrystudent - United States - Franklin

Today, I spent all day doing a project for myself and then for a friend who's sick. Turned out it was a prank everyone in the class was pulling on me. I missed a baseball game because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19468

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Cary

Today, I resorted to buying some expensive flowers and sending them to my boss anonymously with a mysterious love letter, just to get her to lighten the hell up and stop constantly harassing and berating me over every little thing. FML

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24118

You deserved it

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By cousin of the groom

Today, I stood too fast, got dizzy, and fell over. I fell on the grandmother of the bride, pushing her into the wedding cake table. Cake ruined, grandmother in hospital for a broken arm, and everybody mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2757

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36114

You deserved it

3979

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By Pastrygirl

Today, while finishing up at work, I started helping a co-worker out with his workload since I'd finished mine. His girlfriend apparently didn't like this and started slamming things around, constantly muttering passive aggressive comments because she wanted to help him. I work with idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12492

You deserved it

877

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By babymine - United States

Today, I was boarding a plane and a woman's bag started to fall. In the spur of the moment I thrust my arm up to catch it. I didn't catch the bag, but I did catch her boob. I had to sit next to her for the rest of the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26952

You deserved it

2934

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By prostitott

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

69372

You deserved it

15335

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I totalled my car. I flipped it over on the freeway and broke my collarbone in the process. I was in extreme pain and unable to move. It took the ambulance an hour to get there in rush hour traffic. The song repeating on my iPod was, "Don't Worry, be Happy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43014

You deserved it

5577

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By lonelygal69 - United States - Stafford

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29949

You deserved it

3744

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By wah wah "you raised him" - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked in on my son holding a lighter to the end of a pen and sniffing the fumes. Apparently he thought it would get him high. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41670

You deserved it

5242

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By Good Luck Chuck - United States - Orlando

Today, my former fiancée, who I stopped seeing 5 months ago, married another guy. She wore the dress that I'd purchased for our would-be wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62150

You deserved it

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By kevdev - United States

Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from in two years. Excited that it might be her asking if we could meet up, I opened it. It was a virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34666

You deserved it

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By rioght onnn - Canada

Today, while working at a restaurant, an elderly lady stuck my tip in my back pocket as I was walking away. I wish I knew this before I'd thrown her to the floor for touching my hiney. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15853

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39563

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, one of my 6 year old students who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said "Your arms are hairy." FML

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24259

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Top comments

By sciencebitches | 11

#6593044 - Saturday 30 April 2016 8:56

It's the small moments in life that really count...

By smallandroid | 26

#6593034 - Saturday 30 April 2016 8:46

Congratulations!

COMMENTS

By Alymiller | 18

#6593021 - Saturday 30 April 2016 8:04

Sounds like you could have had a shittier month...

TripleATeam | 13

#6593069 - Saturday 30 April 2016 10:01

"Best comments!"
> One of them has a negative ranking.

By it___happens | 12

#6593028 - Saturday 30 April 2016 8:18

Sounds like your day was crappy..

RedPillSucks | 31

#6593452 - Sunday 1 May 2016 0:21

sigh... given your user name, I expected "shit happens".
that would have been a better comment that what you chose to write.

By smallandroid | 26

#6593034 - Saturday 30 April 2016 8:46

Congratulations!

By sciencebitches | 11

#6593044 - Saturday 30 April 2016 8:56

It's the small moments in life that really count...

JMichael | 25

#6593232 - Saturday 30 April 2016 18:04

Exactly! Some people get really excited abojt things like this.

Colon_Man | 17

#6593879 - Sunday 1 May 2016 15:15

Or, large moments. If it's been a while and things get backed up...

By HappyItalian | 38

#6593047 - Saturday 30 April 2016 8:58

Love how the two top voted comments on this FML are the most down voted at the moment

By SecundusSecunda | 27

#6593052 - Saturday 30 April 2016 9:03

The ability to defecate well is unparalleled.
I hope your days get better, OP

By HeartYou101 | 31

#6593068 - Saturday 30 April 2016 9:52

As someone who had their gallbladder removed recently, I can definitely relate to this...

By RedCronos | 17

#6593084 - Saturday 30 April 2016 11:10

it was that time of the month

By acb004 | 3

#6593094 - Saturday 30 April 2016 11:57

As someone who has IBS, congratulations!

By ericanicole1 | 12

#6593115 - Saturday 30 April 2016 14:22

Well you do live in Iowa

fuckidontknow98 | 10

#6593173 - Saturday 30 April 2016 16:07

That doesn't even make sense...