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Today, I had sex with my girlfriend for the first time. Even after several hours I wasn't able to climax. My girlfriend now thinks that I don't like her body, and the reason I couldn't orgasm is because I don't like having sex with her. We spend the rest of the night in silence. FML

cooltatgar's comment : Discuss the matter, try explaining to her what really happened. That's better for your relationship.

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Today, I found a phone in a fitting room. I called the number that said "home" to let the owner know that I was going to give it to the store's manager. Apparently the husband didn't know his wife was out shopping and "blowing all his earnings". FML

#21359482
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28011) - you deserved it (2226)

On 02/19/2015 at 10:16pm - money - by Enslaved (woman) - United States (Florida)

Econforthwin's comment : Just tell him how much you saved him by finding the phone.

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Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML

#21359436
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30105) - you deserved it (4418)

On 02/19/2015 at 8:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

lowkeybelieber's comment : It's your job to tell her what's okay and what's not in YOUR house. Just because she's family doesn't give her the right to push you around.

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Today, my extremely hot coworker told me that I smelled good. At a complete loss for words, I replied, "Oh, I'm sure I don't." FML

#21359386
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27280) - you deserved it (4805)

On 02/19/2015 at 7:14pm - misc - by thisiswhyimavirgin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on my way to work when my ex-wife drove past me in the car she got from me. She fucked me over so hard in the divorce that I have to ride my bike to work while wearing a full suit. FML

#21359275
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37876) - you deserved it (3284)

On 02/19/2015 at 3:45pm - money - by D: - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML

#21359155
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30070) - you deserved it (2082)

On 02/19/2015 at 11:24am - work - by Taylor Page - United States (Florida)

Today, whilst walking to a primary school to give pupils a lesson on cleanliness, I tripped and landed on a dog turd. FML

#21359149
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26346) - you deserved it (2746)

On 02/19/2015 at 11:06am - misc - by anonymous - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML

#21359143
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29537) - you deserved it (2337)

On 02/19/2015 at 10:47am - work - by Vercsi (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, I was off from school because of an extremely bad barking cough. My neighbours called the police because apparently my cough sounds like someone torturing an animal. FML

#21359104
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29107) - you deserved it (1939)

On 02/19/2015 at 8:46am - animals - by Animal cruelty (man) - Australia

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

#21359096
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28734) - you deserved it (3634)

On 02/19/2015 at 8:34am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I went to an ATM intending to withdraw $150. I approached the machine, inserted my card, typed in my pin and followed the prompts. When my card came out, I removed it, put it in my pocket and drove off. FML

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

#21358985
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17508) - you deserved it (29933)

On 02/19/2015 at 12:45am - intimacy - by heymacie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

#21358633
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31556) - you deserved it (2062)

On 02/18/2015 at 2:48pm - work - by breyn (woman) - United States



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