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Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

#21455978
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23103) - you deserved it (1939)

On 08/14/2015 at 12:50pm - misc - by Brooke (woman) - United States (California)

swanheart's comment : Hope you got his number. He sounds like a keeper! :-/

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Today, at my grandmother's funeral, my senile grandfather kept asking me "Where's granny? I've been looking for her, but I can't find her." FML

#21455960
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30716) - you deserved it (1365)

On 08/14/2015 at 11:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Denmark

rileyrae0000's comment : How are you even supposed to answer that? Like you have to keep breaking terrible news. I'm so sorry OP, FYL

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Today, my boyfriend asked me to start using a period tracker app so I can tell him which week of each month he needs to "stay the hell away" from me. FML

#21455940
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20943) - you deserved it (3387)

On 08/14/2015 at 9:19am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

littlekellilee's comment : I would have responded with "if you ever ask that again, all of them."

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Today, I am 1,000 days sober and drug-free. I suffer from depression and I am craving terribly. I have a migraine and a bladder infection. And I can deal with all of this. But what I can't deal with is my dipshit coworker asking if I want to go out for drinks and snort cocaine to celebrate. FML

Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML

#21455905
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27970) - you deserved it (1521)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ukraine (Donets'ka Oblast')

Today, I approached a hot female security guard and attempted to compliment her new tattoos. Instead of saying, "Nice tats", I ended up saying, "Nice tits". My HR meeting is tomorrow morning. FML

#21455888
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21955) - you deserved it (8705)

On 08/14/2015 at 5:35am - work - by babbling idiot - Canada

Today, my friend and I were getting picked up by his dad after a carnival. As I put my stuff in the back of the car and shut the door to walk around to get in the other side, his dad drove off, thinking I was in the car, leaving me to walk up their hill. It was midnight and I ended up lost. FML

#21455882
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23058) - you deserved it (1959)

On 08/14/2015 at 5:08am - misc - by jonloran - United States (Nevada)

Today, a tarantula joined my stuffed animal collection in its drawer. It, unfortunately, wasn't stuffed. FML

#21455862
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19510) - you deserved it (1663)

On 08/14/2015 at 3:01am - animals - by MushyKetchup (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

#21455715
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24228) - you deserved it (2431)

On 08/13/2015 at 7:50pm - kids - by stressedmom36 - United States (Florida)

Today, I got told that I was going to hell for turning down a man that was at least in his 60s. Even after I told him I was married. FML

#21455672
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22053) - you deserved it (1453)

On 08/13/2015 at 5:33pm - love - by hnnhyoo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML

#21455668
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20897) - you deserved it (2545)

On 08/13/2015 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by theflasher (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I had a first date with a guy I met online. And his mom. FML

#21455597
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21269) - you deserved it (2539)

On 08/13/2015 at 1:39pm - love - by fridgemylifee - United States

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

#21455591
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22063) - you deserved it (3149)

On 08/13/2015 at 1:12pm - love - by so_this_is_me (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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Tuesday 25 August 2015

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