Today, and like every year, my godmother sent me a card asking me why I never call her, and why we don't go out on my birthday. Six years ago, she told me on my birthday I was going to hell for moving with my boyfriend and then sprayed me with perfume. He is now my husband, and she claims she forgot. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were house sitting. We were a little on edge because we'd heard noises. We were starting to get intimate, and suddenly the house alarm started going off. We locked ourselves in the room, called the police, and they told us that we were the ones who'd set it off. FML
by avocadotoe / 11/14/2016 at 1:52am / United States (California) / Intimacy
almost_there44's comment : I hope this is not the case and hopefully I'm wrong. But, were you and your partner house sitting and about to have sex? That's just nasty and disrespectful to the people's house y'all were watching.
Today, my daughter, whom I consigned a credit card for, told me she was in a bit of financial trouble. It turns out that she was trying to pay off her credit card with the same credit card her bill was for, and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. FML
by Oy Vay / 11/14/2016 at 1:09am / United States (New York) / Money
Dat_Class_Tho's comment : I want to vote FYL because that's a pretty big facepalm moment. But I also want to vote YDI because you helped her get a credit card without bothering to teach her how they work.
Today, I flew 1800 km with my two small children to a remote northern village for work. Our bags were lost, leaving us without winter gear and only one change of clothes. Just to make things extra fun, we now all have uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. FML
by Anonymous / 11/13/2016 at 10:35pm / Transportation
Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML
by _sourdiesel7 / 11/10/2016 at 6:39pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
RememberSchlitz's comment : My tribe has a proud sacred tradition of not being cannibals. Yours too? Yours? You too. Amazing. Everybody in this place is from a tribe that doesn't walk around eating other tribes. Except you, Marge.
by I have Flashbacks Now / 11/10/2016 at 4:15pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
Today, my ex-girlfriend from several years ago texted me. We were having a pleasant conversation until she asked me to give advice. Apparently, her current boyfriend is incapable of talking dirty, fingering, and other sexual aspects. She asked me to give him advice and pointers. FML
by KnowledgableEx / 11/10/2016 at 7:42am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by ConfusedGinger / 11/10/2016 at 6:50am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML
by CaddyWhack / 11/18/2016 at 3:57pm / Transportation
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…