it sounds like your new wife is a problem. your kids are the main part of your life and if your ex Was being chill until now it should stay that way. me wife is pulling a control/power move on your ass. sounds like an entitled, controlling drama queen. I would rethink your marriage considering it's still fresh and you probably don't want to live like that in more ways than one. Good luck.

YDI for not putting a stop to her bullying your ex.

Wives and ex’s do not get along - too much jealousy and hard feelings. The only way to handle it is where your kids are involved make sure you (not your wife) do the communication with the ex. But you have to let your wife know what’s being communicated about the kids… OP, It’s an inherently difficult situation. You have my sympathy. The only thing to do is use the “Judge Judy” rules - Your kids are the primary responsibility of you (the father) and their mother. Stepmothers can be great and loving, but important decisions are up to the original parents and no one else… Sooner or later guidelines for visitation and parenting responsibilities are usually formalized either in the original divorce decree or later. You cannot avoid that. But if everyone follows that it avoids drama and stress on the kids… Sometimes the origin of the stress is purely jealousy between ex and wife and sometimes it’s being exploited by a child. Teens are the biggest problem in this respect - Younger children are more flexible as long as they understand that their Dad and Mom still love them.

If you're a victim of DV, please seek help to remove her from your life. DV can extend to alienating people around you, like your ex who seemed fine to keep it friendly before wifey blew up.

those poor kids... it's more like F their lives

You wrote it in a way that leave no doubt that you know whose fault is that. So don't be a pussy, don't let your new wife's jealousy ruin your life with your kids.