All the FMLs

Salty

By Anonymous - 29/12/2023 09:00 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I made Salt Water Taffy for the first time, misread the recipe, and put 1.5 cups of salt instead of the 1.5 teaspoons it called for. Needless to say it's inedible and I had to throw it away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 728

Cracked

By Maria - 29/12/2023 06:00 - United States - La Junta

Today, I faced my fear of needles and had my wisdom teeth extracted while awake. On the last tooth, I heard a loud crack. The root broke off in my jawbone and had to be drilled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 98

It's getting hott in here

By Burning Love - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 641

You deserved it 5 471

Monster madness

By Anonymous - 29/12/2023 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son and his girlfriend cancelled their wedding and eloped because they were sick of my ex-wife being a Monster-in-law. The last straw was when she called the dress shop and tried to cancel the wedding dress because it “made her look like a slut.” Now I missed seeing my son get married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 181

Great way to start the day

By Anonymous - 28/12/2023 22:00 - United States - Greenville

Today, once again, after dating someone for a month thinking things were going well, I woke up to a text message saying, “You’re really pretty and a great person but I’m not feeling a relationship vibe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 131

Catfishing 101

By jquaw - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Brockville

Today, I realized the sweet, sensitive girl I was talking to on a dating site was actually my brother trolling me for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 253

You deserved it 6 317

Hurry up!

By lukey101 - 28/12/2023 15:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I increased my internet plan to help speed up downloading a giant 600GB file. After paying for the upgrade, I got a notification that the plan change wouldn’t be effected until 24 hours later. Of course, it actually upgraded mere moments after the file download had already completed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 450

Don't you know who I am?

By Anonymous - 28/12/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter told a police officer to call me because I could get them fired unless they let her off for speeding, spitting at and kicking officers, and damaging police property. I work in a supermarket and have no idea what she was talking about. I can’t fire anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 178

Late entry to the Delusional Christmas list

By Anonymous - 28/12/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our boss is upset at us because not one person is going to the Christmas party that she so kindly bought all the snacks and drinks for. She scheduled it for noon, on the 25th of december. CHRISTMAS DAY. Hell, no no one is going, they’ll be with their families, not voluntarily going to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 104

Denial spectrum

By Anonymous - 28/12/2023 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and since my son was diagnosed autistic, my sister refuses to have anything to do with him, because she doesn’t want her kids around him. The only reason her two kids aren’t diagnosed with autism and ADHD is because she refuses to let doctors assess them. Her kids are worse than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 162

Bad boy

By MikeIsMaster - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - South Africa

Today, I invited my boss for supper as we get on pretty well. Everything was going well, until my German Shepherd bit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 602

You deserved it 5 374

Escape plan

By Lost Reggie - 28/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Conway

Today, my wife of 22 years moved 2000 miles away to start a new job. She applied in October and never told me. I've never cheated on or abused her, she just said she wanted a new life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 158

Health is overrated

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my first day of going to the gym, some gym bro dropped his weights, which you’re not supposed to do, right on the top of my foot. I have complex crush fractures in most of my foot bones, I’m going to need surgeries, probably metal pins, and I can’t put weight on it for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 137

The morning after the night before

By college student - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Oxford

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 067

You deserved it 9 401

Hang in there

By DryEyes - 27/12/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, my son has a broken arm and is crying because he wants to take the cast off. As soon as he stops crying, my stepson starts crying because he wants a cast too. My wife is also crying, because she feels guilty that our son broke his arm. Six weeks until the cast comes off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 143

Justifiable anger

By Well shit - 27/12/2023 09:00 - United States

Today, I completed a jigsaw puzzle. Almost. You see, there's a problem: One of the pieces is an exact duplicate of another, and the actual missing piece is… gone. So there's one empty space and one piece that doesn't fit. Words cannot describe how irrationally angry this makes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 149

Dingus

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 06:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, in attempt to save a few bucks on visiting the doctor, my drunk husband tried to relocate his own disjointed finger, using a vice grip. We ended up with an $800 ambulance bill and then a welfare check from Social Services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 158

Zinger

By chloeguest97 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, a guy who I hate commented on my Facebook profile picture that I "look like I've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." Sixty people liked this, including my boyfriend and my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 816

You deserved it 8 256

Down and out

By Anonymous - 27/12/2023 00:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have Covid, caught during a work trip I didn't want to go on, AND my apartment has flooded for the third time since Thanksgiving. My landlord seems to have no intention of fixing the issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 96

Overcompensating

By Anonymous - 26/12/2023 20:00 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my boss told me, "You oversold your skills in your job interview." I have worked in this industry for 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 134

Brain wormed

By dumbAssCollegeStudent - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I finally did my laundry after a good few weeks, only to think another washer was a dryer. I just ran my clothes through the wash 3 times, because I was confused as to why they weren't drying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 700

You deserved it 22 625

Overachiever

By Is he stupid? - 26/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, due to being stressed and overwhelmed by my tasks, I made a mistake and completed a few of my colleagues' tasks as well. When I informed my boss about it, he said that I did an outstanding job, but I shouldn't have messed with other people's documents. As a result, my promised raise is cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 191

Old man yells at cloud

By Anonymous - 26/12/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, it only took my dad 10 minutes after I'd arrived at my parents' house for him to say that the actor scheduled to be the new Doctor Who couldn't be Doctor Who because "He's black!" I did try pointing out that Doctor Who is an alien with two hearts but… I gave up after that. Merry Christmas, yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 203

Better late than never

By Anonymous - 26/12/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I realised that despite all my careful Christmas preparation, there is one thing I forgot to get. The gift for my wife, which I should've picked up from the shop I ordered it from. It’s sat in that shop right now at 7pm on Christmas Eve. I’m a dead man tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 596

Seething

By Roy - 26/12/2023 06:00 - United States - Leavenworth

Today, a guy I genuinely hate more than anyone else in my life complimented my new haircut. I had to thank him or I'd be yelled at by my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 232

STOP! THIEF!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United States - Stamford

Today, my boss entrusted me with his car to run an errand, as I usually take the bus. I managed to get there and back safely before someone slammed into me while I was re-entering the lot, causing major damage. It was his wife, who thought I was a car thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 543

You deserved it 389

Intervention

By Anonymous - 25/12/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we all got together and showed Dad, with evidence from our ring doorbell and our phone recordings, that I’m the only one he shouts at, yet with everyone else he controls his temper perfectly. The end result? He sent everyone out so he could yell at me about violating his privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 143

Alexa, play "Blue Christmas" by Low

By Anonymous - 25/12/2023 20:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, I had the worst Xmas of my life. My wife has been screeching all day about my ex-wife being at a party, As if I invited her, or even had any knowledge of her being there. I even had to go outside to hide my tears of anger and frustration. This has been going on for 30 years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 246

Christmas motivation?

By runfattyrun - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I got a gym membership for Christmas, from 3 different people. I think my family's trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 800

You deserved it 1 425

How the turntables…

By You gotta be kidding me - 25/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, my wife announced her support for Donald Trump for president, someone who vehemently is against immigrants. She herself is an immigrant from Colombia, who became a naturalized US citizen last year. She became this way because she was undocumented and I, a US citizen, married her so she could have papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 472

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after having bought my daughter a complete set of new school clothes, she threw a tantrum and refused to wear them. I told her she could either wear them, or go to school naked. She made if half-way down the street in the nude before I caught up and dragged her back inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 855

You deserved it 10 251

Today, my doctor told me I had "abnormally large breasts." This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't a 20 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 529

You deserved it 7 742

Today, I came home from work and turned on the computer. I logged onto Facebook and saw I had a bunch of notifications. Turns out, everyone on Facebook knew I was single before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 021

You deserved it 145

Today, my wife blames me for our son having a “posh” accent, because she thinks he’ll be bullied at school. I’m a Yorkshireman and use “ey up”, “ow do” , “pillock” and “arse” in everyday conversation, whereas my wife was raised in Oxford, I doubt I’m the one making our son sound posh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 263

Today, I ran into my ex at the mall. He’s married, with a 2 year-old. Three years ago he ended our 6-year relationship because he said he didn’t believe in marriage and kids. Sorry for not being good enough to achieve those things with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 236

Today, my dad threatened to kick me out and cut me off if I didn't apologize to his girlfriend, whom I don't get along with. She found the heavily used textbook I bought from a second hand bookstore, which is full of funny doodles and tons of harsh hate messages to a certain "Susan", which coincidentally is her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 102