Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should... - FML

By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

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Body issues

White line fever

Hello everyone!

By DrumrollPlease - 13/7/2016 07:50 - United Kingdom - Banbury

Today, my phone autocorrected "with chills" to "with child" in the middle of a message, and I didn't notice until I was contacted several hours later by a panicking friend. My gastric flu is now rumoured to have been morning sickness, all because I can't proofread. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2015 17:46 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, a couple asked me donate my eggs so they could start a family. When I refused, I was called heartless by my ex-husband and the woman he cheated on me with for over two years. FML

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By Raspution - 16/6/2019 04:42

Today, I received my first customer complaint. It said, "I am a regular customer and when I come in, he is always smiling and tells me he will see me soon when I leave. This makes me feel very uncomfortable." Now I'm under investigation for sexual harassment. FML

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By The Lone Ranger - 5/10/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML

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By afafakfhsg - 19/2/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML

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By joanikens - 26/3/2016 19:02 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I'm a barista at Starbucks. When my crush walked in and asked how much his coffee would cost, I said a date. He said he'd rather pay for the coffee. FML

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By sleepy2010 - 8/3/2010 14:46 - United States

Today, I started my spring break. My college is letting the students stay in the dorms for break, so I figured that staying here would mean getting more sleep than going home. Not so much. The fire alarm has been going off every 20 mins since 7:30am because they're "fixing" it. FML

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By TheNotSoGoodDay - 25/4/2016 23:29 - United States - Charlestown

Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML

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By unknown - 30/3/2013 19:02 - France

Today, I went on my fifth date with my new girlfriend. Apparently, she was in such a rush while leaving work that she forgot to take off her wedding ring. FML

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By Chia - 10/5/2013 22:58 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I cancelled our date tonight. I cancelled because I had a seizure and was taken to the hospital. FML

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By Charlayyyy - 16/12/2010 02:30

Today, in art class, we made plaster masks. We were supposed to put Vaseline on our partner's face so the plaster didn't rip their facial hair out. My partner forgot to put it on my eye brows and eye lashes. My face is now completely hairless. FML

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By julesmommy - 8/9/2011 05:36 - United States

Today, my husband used our last $2000 to buy himself a motorcycle. It's supposed to "save us a lot on gas money." FML

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By bad luck? - 19/1/2012 05:44 - Australia

Today, it was my first day being a full-time paramedic. I was shot in the arm. FML

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By diddlebuag - 27/5/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

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By Lonile13 - 7/9/2016 03:28 - Philippines

Today, after 2 years and 5 months, my boyfriend finally found my clitoris. FML

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By Kimel - 22/1/2016 00:11 - France - Vincent

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

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By Donutsarelife - 19/11/2014 15:09 - United States

Today, I spent 20 minutes arguing with the class dipshit, trying to convince her that wifi hot-spots are not in fact saunas powered by wifi. FML

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By Lauren - 9/8/2011 13:48 - Australia

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

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By coffeewench - 22/8/2017 04:29

Today, while I was reading in a park, a drunk bum started talking to me. After a few minutes of awkward conversation, he said, "You're really pretty, and you have nice eyes, but you have chubby cheeks. What's up with that? Did you eat a lot of peanuts when you were a kid or something?" FML

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By Anonymous - 16/6/2013 16:14 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my estranged father, with whom I haven't spoken in years, called me and demanded to know where his Father's Day gift was. FML

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By Username - 17/3/2010 00:46 - France

Today, at a debate tournament based on domestic abuse, my partner yells out, "Has anyone considered that maybe the women DESERVED to be beaten?" FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2013 00:02 - United States - Buford

Today, on Facebook, I mentioned that I'd just finished reading the novel Pet Sematary. Two hours later, I'd lost two friends and my boyfriend, after they commented "learn to spell, dumbass", "u illiterate fucker", and "well, I'm not dating you for your brains, am I?" I hate humanity. FML

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By womanlover12345 - 18/7/2011 16:05 - Spain

Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML

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By Kin - 25/10/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML

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By Matchtopia - 18/1/2012 00:21 - United States

Today, I was addressed by name by the liquor store clerk. I've never told him my name. He's just seen my ID many times. FML

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By kitty - 18/10/2010 02:54 - United States

Today, while talking about my plans for college, I was interrupted so my family could discuss my brother's zit. FML

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By Percy - 23/3/2019 20:00

Today, the phrase "To share everything with one's friends" took a pretty unexpected meaning when a friend of mine asked me for a date. When I told him how unlikely it was to happen because of my friendship with his girlfriend, he answered that it was no excuse as she fell in love with me too. FML

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By noname - 27/12/2008 04:07 - France

Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML

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By why?? - 20/4/2014 04:52 - United States - Englewood

Today, I went hiking with my family. A local had told us about the trail, saying the two mile walk would lead us to a seventy-foot waterfall. After seven miles of trekking in the sweltering sun with no food, we finally found the waterfall. It was barely ten feet tall. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2018 06:00

Is this the worst Netflix and chill ever?

Today, a guy I'd been seeing briefly came over for cocktails and a movie. The night ended with him vomiting in my bathroom and on my couch, using my toothbrush, then proceeding to tell me how big his ex-boyfriend's dick was. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/9/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Arse!

Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. She was looking for the remote, blindly trying to put her hand into the sofa. Instead, she shoved her hand down the back of my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2018 15:00

"shit tickets"

Today, my household ran out of toilet paper so we have to shower after every dump. My mom just confessed that she does in fact have money for shit tickets, but won't buy any because it's the only way she can get my brother to shower. FML

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By Salaryman - 15/2/2009 06:21 - Philippines

Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML

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By anonymous - 11/4/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, as I was walking into CVS, two older men outside said to me "Young lady, please consider us on your way out." Thinking they were hitting on me, I rolled my eyes and said "Screw you." When I walked back outside, I realized they were asking for AIDS donations. FML

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By Jen - 20/10/2016 16:32

Today, I had to call a customer. I usually try to avoid calling customers because I have a very prominent speech impediment. Well, it turns out the customer I called also has a speech impediment and thought I was mocking her. She hung up on me and filed a formal complaint with my company. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2010 07:44 - Canada

Today, I was robbed at work. The guy stole my cell phone, bag, and laptop. Because of the robbery, I had to close the store two and a half hours early. My boss decided to dock my hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2014 19:49 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - Kingshill

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

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By _Asykes_ - 25/11/2015 00:56

Today, I started a new school, after moving from England to New York. People only talked to me just to hear my accent. FML

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By first time at McDonald's in months... - 27/3/2013 05:04 - United States

Today, I was at McDonald's. As I left the counter with the food, I heard the cashier mutter, "Fat ass." I turned around and demanded to see the manager. Once he came and heard the situation, he looked at me and said, "Well, it's not like he's wrong, right?" FML

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Top comments

By shaBAMalex | 0

#83215 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:07

LMAO.
bummer, man.
buy better shirts?

By crazy_cat_lady | 0

#83218 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:08

At least you won! Wooohoooo!!! You are a CHAMP!

Comments

By shaBAMalex | 0

#83215 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:07

LMAO.
bummer, man.
buy better shirts?

Reply

skid1996 | 0

#1122818 - Thursday 22 July 2010 7:57

wait... ur biology teacher??? wow get some friends... no wonder u wear ugly clothes

Reply

iamsam2 | 3

#1327662 - Tuesday 31 August 2010 13:27

this is good man! no1 knows u forgot!

Reply

xXBlackAceXx | 0

#2190483 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 21:55

wow ur sense of hummor is gay

Reply

beastwill64 | 16

#3831921 - Thursday 5 January 2012 4:36

She's a girl

Reply

julako | 22

#5801760 - Monday 23 December 2013 0:28

can't girls be gay, too?

By caretoshare | 0

#83216 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:07

Your shirt must have been ugly as shit.
Sorryy.

By crazy_cat_lady | 0

#83218 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:08

At least you won! Wooohoooo!!! You are a CHAMP!

Reply

Thebluez | 0

#853356 - Sunday 14 February 2010 1:15

Ya, you could've pretended like you wore it on purpose and at least you won.

By login_fml | 0

#83220 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:08

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

By YouGotPwnd | 0

#83223 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:09

No offense, but buy normal shirts...

By Lauriebug | 0

#83225 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:10

...yay winning though?

By el_Caballo | 0

#83238 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:12

Hahahaha what the fuck were you wearing?

By Chatspeak | 0

#83246 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:13

Aww...just throw the shirt in the fire..
:]]

Reply

tiernang | 21

#5825748 - Monday 13 January 2014 3:58

THE fire? you say it like theres just one sitting around waiting to be used. Please excuse my profile picture...

By average_girl | 0

#83251 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:15

haha i hope u won something GOOD!

By Ryokashi | 0

#83252 - Sunday 5 April 2009 2:15

Well, you're a Freshman, no matter what you wore it would have been considered hideous.

Reply

hopper5101 | 11

#2615874 - Saturday 4 June 2011 5:19

win!!