Health: Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache...

By Monique - United States

Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

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31037

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Health

This Charming Man

Bad news

F is for Family

By $$$ - Australia - Chatswood

Today, an elderly woman couldn't afford all of her groceries at the checkout so she started to take out a few things. I offered to pay for her groceries; she thanked me and walked out. An onlooker then came up to me and told me that she does it to someone every week. FML

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61766

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By Anonymous

Today, I began writing thank-you cards for the gifts I got for my 21st birthday. To one set of grandparents, I wrote, "Thank you for the dancing chicken toy," and to the others I wrote, "Thank you for the $10 check." Those were the only gifts. FML

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1698

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234

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By llmd - Canada

Today, I called my boyfriend just to hear his voice since I haven't seen him in a while. His mom picked up and said "Chris isn't here right now, he's with his girlfriend. Do you want to leave him a message." We've been dating for 4 and a half months now. FML

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39541

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By I will find you and I will fucking fuck y - United Kingdom - Falmouth

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

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43999

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By Ouch - Serbia

Mommy's favorite flower

Today, I learned how it feels when you fall off a second floor balcony with mom's flower pot then landing on your back. My mom got pissed because of her beloved flowers, and gave me a lecture while I rolled on the ground in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1616

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240

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By cleb

Today, I found out that the seeds of the Cherimoya fruit are toxic. I found out by eating the entire fruit, including all seeds. FML

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3337

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987

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By ssjin93 - United States

Today, I received two letters, one from my mom, other from my dad, about how much they missed me with me not being around them. I called my mom, feeling sad. She didn't sound sad at all. She asked me which letter was better. My parents were competing each other which letter would be more moving. FML

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28166

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By bloom - France

Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38117

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By Just me - United States

Today, I found out that the man who offered to put up the woman I love in exchange for me helping out with his rent, has in fact been her "other" boyfriend since before she moved in. FML

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26558

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By McMuffin

Today, my 3-year-old daughter ran with arms wide open towards me, smiling, only to pass me by and hug the gardener instead. FML

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4177

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By stardustveins - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting in the McDonald's drive-thru and listening to some music. I was tapping my non-driving foot to the song when I accidentally tapped the wrong foot and rear ended the cop car in front of me. Whoops. FML

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12014

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By Scotty - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I met someone who works in radio advertising. Making conversation, I described an ad that I can't stand. He wrote it. FML

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41903

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

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31816

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML

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18081

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By madison77 - United States

Today, my engagement ring was seized by the police, and my fiancé was arrested on larceny charges. Both in the same visit. FML

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30415

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3027

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By ohemmgeee - Australia

Today, I found out that my boyfriend purposely makes me cry because it makes him feel special. FML

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39007

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5226

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started some laundry late at night. Once my clothes were in the washer for about a half hour, I got bored and I decided I would listen to my iPod. After looking for it for another 15 minutes, I remembered where I'd left it; in my jacket... which is now nice and clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13537

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27268

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25057

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3612

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By iphonerevolution - South Africa

Today, my teenage daughter faked a suicide because I bought her a Samsung instead of an iPhone for her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62653

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13327

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML

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45569

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3153

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing. While we were swinging, we decided to jump off backwards. All would have worked out fine if my pants hadn't gotten caught on the metal of the swing, leaving my bare butt exposed. The man who was in the park with his daughter left. FML

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9193

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By R281780 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22307

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4139

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By S4L - France

Today, I had to take a leak, so I went into a porta-john. I noticed another man's hand under the door with a cell phone. Angered, I aimed my stream at his hand and phone. He tilted the porta-john over in response. It was full. FML

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50708

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By lct722 - Canada

Today, I panicked when I saw a spider on my shoulder from the corner of my eye. It was a birthmark. The same one that has been there for the last 23 years. FML

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10763

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By IkeTheIntern - Canada

Today, my boss told me to stop giving work to our college intern because it's an embarrassment to have someone who hasn't finished college working for him. This is the same boss who constantly brags about being a high school drop out. FML

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24273

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By Old? - United States

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

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25653

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2230

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By Laura - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

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32451

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my sister bought my five year old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

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39043

You deserved it

7924

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my extremely lazy colleague received a promotion with benefits, while I was fired for "not being a team-player". I had stayed quiet about her constant negative behaviour because my supervisor said we needed to "have each other's backs". While I was protecting hers, she put a knife in mine. FML

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7952

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794

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By my_way_1213

Smart kid.

Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML

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2225

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3662

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, at a party a fly flew into my mouth. I spit it out, and in an effort to wash out my mouth I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35619

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9770

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By jalisc512 - United States - Aurora

Today, my boss threatened to write me up, after I made a slightly rude joke about a coworker everyone hates. A while later, a colleague told me the same joke. Turns out my boss had gone around telling it to everyone else and taking all the credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42350

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5481

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By JimmyT - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42472

You deserved it

14222

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By Not-so-good-gymnast - Australia

Today, I removed the safety padding from around the trampoline because it seemed useless. This afternoon, I did a backflip, got my hair stuck in the springs, ripped out a chunk of my hair, and face planted it into the brick pavers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11715

You deserved it

79892

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43162

You deserved it

3324

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By mnavy - United States

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41449

You deserved it

5014

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By Anonymous - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common; they both like to lick themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26193

You deserved it

2726

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 05:01

Not prepared enough

Today, I had a maths test and I realised that I'd studied the wrong topics. The teacher said the test would be difficult and I stayed up till 1 a.m. just to be prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

663

You deserved it

473

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By CPN - United States

Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

86232

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9089

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By Ignitingmylightsaber - Australia

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

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22860

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Top comments

By jazziness | 12

#2325283 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:12

that's something I would do

By AusLittleRock | 0

#2325266 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:09

hahaha from Australia

COMMENTS

By AusLittleRock | 0

#2325266 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:09

hahaha from Australia

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2325486 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:54

Your bed is made out of wall?! Woah. :)

SirEBC | 7

#2325642 - Sunday 10 April 2011 17:28

Sean, why do you still reply to the first comment?

MaskingTape | 2

#2325664 - Sunday 10 April 2011 17:33

epic. you deserved it for being uncoordinated. or for your hate crime on walls.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2325691 - Sunday 10 April 2011 17:37

I have my reasons. But none are good enough, so I oughtta stop it. (: We'll see.

SnailFist | 5

#2328021 - Monday 11 April 2011 3:54

hahaha from Canada

lukethe | 0

#2328043 - Monday 11 April 2011 3:59

hahaha from the US... not that that's anything special.

miraggg | 1

#2330449 - Monday 11 April 2011 14:13

haha you plopped!

nalia18 | 8

#2335601 - Tuesday 12 April 2011 6:46

BAHAHAH!!!! i mean so very sorry... BAHAHAH!!! ohmigod! roflmfmao!!!!!

megastupid | 0

#2414370 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 5:38

wait a minute, when u 'plop' onto a bed how do you hit a wall. surely you must have terrible

By AusLittleRock | 0

#2325269 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:09

hahaha from Australia

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2326923 - Sunday 10 April 2011 22:06

ydi for not just laying down like a normal person with a headache........

By minniemouse61 | 0

#2325280 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:12

wow...sux 4 u!! it'll b over soon enough though Be strong!!
FYL

By jazziness | 12

#2325283 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:12

that's something I would do

jess6blondie9 | 2

#2327754 - Monday 11 April 2011 2:23

Same here.

elliedanceteam | 0

#2329061 - Monday 11 April 2011 8:53

same!!! im clumsy..

maszaros | 9

#2330439 - Monday 11 April 2011 14:09

Hello... It's called a headboard. Get one!

By xoxogossipgirl9 | 6

#2325285 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:13

LOLLL ouchh. that happens to me a lot.
fyl..feel better

By Prolusive | 5

#2325288 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:13

Hmm,
that sure is bad luck (or bad coordination).

Get well soon :)

By Snackbars | 0

#2325293 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:14

Did you dive into your bed? I fail to see how that would even be possible.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2325535 - Sunday 10 April 2011 17:04

Maybe it's a waterbed!(:

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2325537 - Sunday 10 April 2011 17:04

Maybe it's a waterbed!(:

rebekahah | 7

#2327590 - Monday 11 April 2011 1:23

I usually do it when I forget how long the bed is and how far back the wall is. :/

By MrKrumps | 5

#2325295 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:15

lol

By Thanatos1206 | 0

#2325305 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:16

Well at least you're not dead yet!

YwTwss | 0

#2328714 - Monday 11 April 2011 6:34

kamina is dead D:

Thanatos1206 | 0

#2329179 - Monday 11 April 2011 9:40

So is the spiral king! :C

iizcalebhearmero | 0

#2334923 - Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:52

lol monty python

bms1996 | 12

#2927088 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 4:41

yet is the key word here lol

By Fruhling | 16

#2325395 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:34

I've had that happen to me. FYL. Hope you get over the pain soon.