Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache...

By Monique - 10/4/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, my head has been killing me. I've had the worst headache ever. Happy that I could finally sleep, I plopped onto my bed and bashed my head on the wall. FML

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Health

Creepy

Time for the ER

All for nothing

By Deadfish - 26/7/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

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By KDM - 5/2/2012 19:39 - Australia

Today, I realised how socially inept I am, when I muttered an apology to my laptop after I noticed I hadn't plugged its charger in. FML

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By edgyasfuck23 - 13/5/2016 17:09 - United States - Blairsville

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

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By single - 8/8/2015 06:23 - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

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By Jae_Hellyun - 8/1/2014 04:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a link to a Vine video in which she dumped me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2014 22:59 - United States - Dallas

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2009 22:40 - United States

Today, I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn't raining, but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window. FML

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By nakedness - 11/12/2011 01:35 - Australia

Today, I was getting dressed in my bedroom with the blinds open and had nothing covering my top half. I thought my neighbours wouldn't be able to see in through all the trees, that was until I heard someone wolf whistle and one of my neighbours running away. FML

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By Username - 14/4/2011 06:59

Today, my boyfriend punched a hole in a door. This is on top of the broken handle, cracked sink top, dented fridge, and other holes in the wall he has also made. We are 4 months into our year lease. I don't think we are getting our $720 deposit back. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2014 07:32 - Australia - Rosebery

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

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By serenti - 13/10/2011 21:30 - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML

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By helen_ - 23/4/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I had to go to my 10 year old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face , "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

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By mala_19 - 19/9/2020 14:02 - Sweden

The joy of newborn babies

Today, after I, my fiance, and the doctors tried all day to get my son to eat for more than just three minutes straight, he decided to eat for thirty minutes straight in the middle of the night when I just wanted to sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I realized that the "pimples" on my back weren't pimples at all. Because I was unable to see how bad they were for the last week, I never caught on to the fact the they were, in fact, ticks. FML

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By ferret702 - 5/2/2016 12:04 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

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By spinster - 16/9/2015 02:10 - United States - Lubbock

Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML

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By DeepTaccer - 30/10/2010 21:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sucking on a Tic Tac. Just as I was starting to get into it, the Tic-Tac suddenly shot down my throat. After a minute of coughing and gagging, it came back up... out my left nostril. FML

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By Solemnwishing - 13/7/2009 18:33 - United States

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

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By really - 5/6/2016 21:40 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, a customer at work was having hiccups, so I suggest that she should try to hold her breath for a while. Ten minutes later, she's talking to my manager about how I wanted her to "kill myself because of my severe medical condition". FML

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By keyshame - 10/10/2013 05:22 - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I took my car to be repaired. The mechanic put out his hand when he saw me, so I shook it. He just wanted my keys. FML

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By Thai that on for size - 25/9/2015 19:56 - New Zealand - Silverdale

Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML

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By Gee - 16/6/2017 02:00

Today, I helped a stranger exchange 3,000 Argentinian pesos for US dollars through my bank. They gave him $3,000. The exchange rate is close to $195. My bank realized their mistake and now my bank account is -$2,805 expecting me to pay it back. All this happened before my recent paycheck came in. FML

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By Demotivation - 23/8/2013 14:12 - Germany

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

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By hopelessteej - 28/1/2013 13:55 - Australia - Sydney

Today, someone put a whole packet of glitter on the blades of my ceiling fan. Too bad I only noticed when I turned it on. FML

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By soreloser - 20/5/2013 06:32 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

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By CatLover<3 - 18/6/2013 23:27 - United States - Cibolo

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

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By vivelawank - 10/5/2014 20:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

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By Lyingg - 5/10/2011 20:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a job interview. The only moment I impressed the interviewer was when I talked about drama. He started to talk about a play I hadn't seen, but I decided to agree on everything he was saying. Suddenly he said, "the play doesn't actually exist." I silently left the room. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I started lessons on snowboarding. As soon as I got to the top of the hill, my instructor pushed me saying, "Just believe, it'll come to you!" He said this just before I hit a tree, breaking my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2016 05:06 - United States - Miami

Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML

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By Blank - 17/6/2010 02:22 - United States

Today, my new step-dad proposed to my mom during a family trip to Wal-Mart. FML

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By notmyfault - 14/1/2016 22:21 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

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By stinker - 22/2/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, my mother told me she was going out of town this weekend. I re-assured her that I would not throw a party. She replied "Oh, like you have enough friends to do that." FML

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By abbielane - 25/6/2012 04:08 - United States - Rochester

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

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By juliearis - 6/7/2013 19:45 - United States - Westport

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

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By Classicmen - 19/6/2010 18:53 - United States

Today, is the first weekend I have off this summer. Instead of letting me see my friends, my dad printed out a practice SAT exam. I've already taken the SAT. He just "doesn't want me to get rusty". FML

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By BrokeAsHell - 30/5/2013 08:51 - Australia - Werribee

Today, my landlord emailed me, stating that she hasn't been receiving my rent. After some investigation, I found out she's been using the money to buy booze, and hasn't been putting it into the house owner's account. FML

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By Grandson - 1/1/2012 13:51 - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

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By SLOMan90 - 26/1/2011 07:45 - United States

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

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By betchyo - 1/10/2009 06:10 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

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Top comments

By jazziness | 12

#2325283 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:12

that's something I would do

By AusLittleRock | 0

#2325266 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:09

hahaha from Australia

COMMENTS

By AusLittleRock | 0

#2325266 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:09

hahaha from Australia

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2325486 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:54

Your bed is made out of wall?! Woah. :)

SirEBC | 7

#2325642 - Sunday 10 April 2011 17:28

Sean, why do you still reply to the first comment?

MaskingTape | 2

#2325664 - Sunday 10 April 2011 17:33

epic. you deserved it for being uncoordinated. or for your hate crime on walls.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2325691 - Sunday 10 April 2011 17:37

I have my reasons. But none are good enough, so I oughtta stop it. (: We'll see.

SnailFist | 5

#2328021 - Monday 11 April 2011 3:54

hahaha from Canada

lukethe | 0

#2328043 - Monday 11 April 2011 3:59

hahaha from the US... not that that's anything special.

miraggg | 1

#2330449 - Monday 11 April 2011 14:13

haha you plopped!

nalia18 | 8

#2335601 - Tuesday 12 April 2011 6:46

BAHAHAH!!!! i mean so very sorry... BAHAHAH!!! ohmigod! roflmfmao!!!!!

megastupid | 0

#2414370 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 5:38

wait a minute, when u 'plop' onto a bed how do you hit a wall. surely you must have terrible

By AusLittleRock | 0

#2325269 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:09

hahaha from Australia

ImaWiseGuy | 5

#2326923 - Sunday 10 April 2011 22:06

ydi for not just laying down like a normal person with a headache........

By minniemouse61 | 0

#2325280 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:12

wow...sux 4 u!! it'll b over soon enough though Be strong!!
FYL

By jazziness | 12

#2325283 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:12

that's something I would do

jess6blondie9 | 2

#2327754 - Monday 11 April 2011 2:23

Same here.

elliedanceteam | 0

#2329061 - Monday 11 April 2011 8:53

same!!! im clumsy..

maszaros | 8

#2330439 - Monday 11 April 2011 14:09

Hello... It's called a headboard. Get one!

By xoxogossipgirl9 | 6

#2325285 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:13

LOLLL ouchh. that happens to me a lot.
fyl..feel better

By Prolusive | 5

#2325288 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:13

Hmm,
that sure is bad luck (or bad coordination).

Get well soon :)

By Snackbars | 0

#2325293 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:14

Did you dive into your bed? I fail to see how that would even be possible.

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2325535 - Sunday 10 April 2011 17:04

Maybe it's a waterbed!(:

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2325537 - Sunday 10 April 2011 17:04

Maybe it's a waterbed!(:

rebekahah | 7

#2327590 - Monday 11 April 2011 1:23

I usually do it when I forget how long the bed is and how far back the wall is. :/

By MrKrumps | 5

#2325295 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:15

lol

By Thanatos1206 | 0

#2325305 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:16

Well at least you're not dead yet!

YwTwss | 0

#2328714 - Monday 11 April 2011 6:34

kamina is dead D:

Thanatos1206 | 0

#2329179 - Monday 11 April 2011 9:40

So is the spiral king! :C

iizcalebhearmero | 0

#2334923 - Tuesday 12 April 2011 4:52

lol monty python

bms1996 | 12

#2927088 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 4:41

yet is the key word here lol

By Fruhling | 16

#2325395 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:34

I've had that happen to me. FYL. Hope you get over the pain soon.