Today, I took my lunch break to buy my mom a pretty orchid. I... - FML

By progressiveboink - 11/5/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I took my lunch break to buy my mom a pretty orchid. I took it to her apartment (to which I have a key), placed it on her coffee table with her card, and went back to work, pleased with my surprise. She called me later to ask why I got her a stick in a pot of dirt. Her cat ate the orchid. FML

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randomoutburst tells us more :

(This is my FML, made an account after the submission...) plethora, orchids run about $20-30 and the cat had eaten ALL of it. Not just the flowers...stem too. So I don't think it's going to grow back. Orchids are delicate. :)

Rock, hard place

This is fine

Recycling helps

By elizabethyeo - 20/2/2012 10:01 - Australia

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

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By stalked - 28/5/2012 06:24 - United States - Bel Air

Today, I found out that the person who has been stalking me has also been stalking someone else. I got upset. It seems it took being stalked to make me feel good about myself. FML

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By singkong duleng - 18/8/2018 15:00

Today, I told my mom that my wife and I got her a birthday present, but she won't be getting it until April. That instantly pissed her off, cussing us out calling us cheap worthless selfish bastards. I was about to surprise her that she's finally going to be a grandma. FML

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By emkaycutie - 29/3/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

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By worksux - 5/1/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, at work, my computer started acting up. I told my boss I could fix it, but he told me to call the IT department instead. Neither the IT technician or his supervisor could figure it out, so I showed them what was wrong and how to fix it. I was promptly fired for wasting 2 hours of company time. FML

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By goestoschoolonsnowdays - 12/2/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, we had our second snow day in a row, something that never happens. So while the rest of school got to sleep late, I had to wake up early, get dressed, and go to my bus stop because my mom didn't believe me. FML

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By ELK - 18/7/2018 15:00

Today, having played golf for 15 years, I had my first hole in one. I was playing by myself. There were no witnesses. FML

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By Jason - 12/8/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML

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By Absent - 12/1/2010 05:42 - France

Today, my friends let me win at strip poker so I wouldn't take off my clothes. FML

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By maybe? - 11/2/2015 16:11 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, at a paintball match, my boyfriend shot me between the legs and asked, "Still want kids now?" FML

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By disgusted - 16/3/2012 09:02 - United States

Today, I found out that my old roommate used to clean her goldfish bowl with my toothbrush. We lived together for six months. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML

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By SwimSquid - 15/4/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML

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By lalalasmiles06 - 4/9/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2016 15:29 - Australia - Hove

Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML

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By hc11bmd - 19/6/2012 17:20 - United States - Bethel

Today, I asked a coworker what she'd bought her dad for father's day. She said that she got him some flowers, and I laughed because I thought it was a rather feminine gift for a man. I later found out that the flowers were for his grave. FML

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By stalkered - 22/7/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

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By Disappointed Teacher - 10/12/2013 21:32 - Canada - Surrey

Today, I taught a college course with a group of 30 adults. I was educating them on leadership and gave a 25 minute lecture, with examples like Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King, and how they changed the world. Then I opened the forum to see who inspired them. The response? Donald Trump. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2009 04:49 - Canada

Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/8/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, I noticed how big my brother's package is. If it hadn't been for the fact that my family has taken up walking around naked half the day, I never would have had to. FML

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By newguy - 29/8/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, was my third day at work. The hazing finally began. After a few rounds of "punch the new guy", I thought I would finally be safe because the manager walked into the kitchen. He saw what was going on, picked up a handful of ketchup packets, and began throwing them at me. FML

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By hannah - 15/9/2012 22:16 - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

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By HelloItsMee123 - 24/12/2016 05:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I had routine surgery and should have been discharged on the same day. Now due to an avoidable mistake the surgeon made I'll be staying in hospital over Christmas. FML

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By HassledAirfarer - 7/12/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an inconsiderate selfish bitch. FML

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By AlyCo55 - 22/10/2018 05:00

Today, I found out two of my rats are pregnant. The breeder told us that all of them were male, only one ended up being male. I now have 20+ rat babies on the way and no idea how to take care of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2013 10:25 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I walked 6 miles to see my girlfriend. After 5 and a half miles, she broke up with me because I never visit her. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2017 17:00 - United States - Troy

Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML

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By Adrian16 - 18/1/2010 11:01 - Norway

Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticed that I hadn't started the vacuum cleaner. FML

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By Jakesssss - 10/4/2015 01:02 - United States - Hudson

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

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By squishy - 18/11/2009 21:11 - Canada

Today, I woke up with a ridiculous hangover and no memory of last night. I called my friend who told me that I was so trashed I ended up eating all the hamburgers and chicken fingers in her fridge. I've been a vegetarian for 15 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2016 09:54 - United States

Today, I've had so many family members die in the past 4 years, I now think of which pictures would look good at people's funerals when I look through photo albums. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2017 08:00 - United States - Park City

Today, I proposed. She immediately said no and then broke up with me. FML

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By cachucy - 18/3/2012 15:04 - United States - Geneva

Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/1/2013 21:26 - United States - Lake Forest

Today, I have to take a midterm, which is worth a large part of my grade. All our teacher has taught us so far is how to roast s'mores over a Bunsen burner, and how to make gummy bears explode. Our test is on kinetics. FML

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By LMN - 31/7/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, after receiving a message about being hired at a retail store, I went to the orientation for new employees. The trainer seemed perplexed when I told him my name, but he gave me my paperwork and continued with training. At the end of the 8 hour day, he asked to talk to me. I wasn't actually hired. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2009 17:47 - United States

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2014 17:07 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

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By not even - 21/7/2016 11:20 - United States - Troy

Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in 3 months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2015 17:11 - Germany

Today, as I passed a printout over my shoulder to my mum, I managed to give myself a papercut on my tear duct. FML

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By Poly24 - 27/8/2013 10:32 - France - La Courneuve

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

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Top comments

By randomoutburst | 0

#188151 - Monday 11 May 2009 12:26

(This is my FML, made an account after the submission...)
plethora, orchids run about $20-30 and the cat had eaten ALL of it. Not just the flowers...stem too. So I don't think it's going to grow back. Orchids are delicate. :)

By MileyCyrusIsHot | 5

#3999527 - Monday 6 February 2012 7:08

to show love for his/her mom..?

COMMENTS

By plethora | 3

#188111 - Monday 11 May 2009 12:13

Dude, it's a pot plant. It'll grow again.

By Luckster | 0

#188122 - Monday 11 May 2009 12:16

At least the cat had an expensive meal.

By randomoutburst | 0

#188151 - Monday 11 May 2009 12:26

(This is my FML, made an account after the submission...)
plethora, orchids run about $20-30 and the cat had eaten ALL of it. Not just the flowers...stem too. So I don't think it's going to grow back. Orchids are delicate. :)

Reply

Turner_22 | 0

#2977292 - Tuesday 26 July 2011 5:01

Why would you ever buy a $20 flower?

Reply

MileyCyrusIsHot | 5

#3999527 - Monday 6 February 2012 7:08

to show love for his/her mom..?

Reply

PuppiesKisses | 15

#6548141 - Monday 29 February 2016 13:46

That sucks I'm sorry. On my birthday I came out to my cats systematically knocking budding flowers off of a potted plant my fiancé gave me for the occasion. Those cats became outdoor(instead of indoor/outdoor) cats that very moment. Indoor plants are expensive and generally take a lot of care.

Reply

Daggerfell | 11

#6629687 - Thursday 16 June 2016 23:29

Hungry hungry kitty?

By 24788 | 6

#188165 - Monday 11 May 2009 12:32

Cats and plants don't mix. My cat used to eat grass and plants back when we had him.

By Karya_fml | 0

#188166 - Monday 11 May 2009 12:32

She should watch the cat now, too - some orchids are poisonous...

And ouch - I feel for you. I totally see my cats doing that.

By plethora | 3

#188203 - Monday 11 May 2009 13:05

If there's still a "stick" in the pot of dirt, there's a stem, and roots too.

By OokamiChan | 0

#188208 - Monday 11 May 2009 13:08

#6, I think by 'stick' she means the stick that was holding the plant up, and that the cat ate the ENTIRE plant.

By Jimboom | 11

#188211 - Monday 11 May 2009 13:10

#1 Orchids only flower every few months.

It's a pain when they get knocked off or eaten by pets. Specially if it only just flowered.

By Tim3 | 0

#188218 - Monday 11 May 2009 13:19

so, just tell her that and get her another one

By tempaccount | 0

#188302 - Monday 11 May 2009 14:27

Goddamned Javascript!
I clicked FYL but then it collapsed and I clicked YDI by accident!
FML