Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy...

By LALALALA - 29/5/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

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Miscellaneous

Great speech, thanks!

Keep the peace

Incognito browsing

By :/ - 5/4/2015 00:44 - United States - Groton

Today, I had a date over for the first time since I moved out. I made a beautiful dinner… for one of us. I'm so used to cooking for just myself that I only made one serving. FML

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By Meagan Ortiz - 16/8/2020 23:02

Wardrobe change please

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said "nah, it's just a generic face". FML

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By Jon - 14/5/2012 21:46 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I went to a club with some friends. I ordered two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returned with the change, and the rest of the staff claimed they didn't know who I was talking about. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2010 16:29 - Canada

Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML

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By Myballshurt - 3/8/2013 04:31 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I learned a few things. One: friends are assholes. Two: under no circumstance do you close your eyes when they ask you to. Three: getting kicked in the balls hurts a lot. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2019 02:00

Today, I figured out my boyfriend gets out of jail in less than six months. First off, I have a boyfriend in jail. Second, I also realized I'd much prefer he stay in than get out. FML

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By Joey Soprano - 18/8/2020 02:06

Bad boys, bad boys…

Today, I went to the DMV today and sat in line for over 6 hours to renew my driver's license. Even though with the pandemic, it's been extended to New Year's Eve but I decided to get it done and over with. I get called up to finish everything, only to find out my license is suspended. FML

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By badtimingdude - 18/8/2009 16:34 - Mauritius

Today, I lost a bet with my girlfriend. I now have to wear a shirt saying "Worlds Smallest Penis" everywhere I go for a month. FML

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By DisgustingCreatures - 4/8/2016 18:53 - United States - Houston

Today, I was peacefully using the toilet when I heard a familiar crunching sound behind me. After shooting up and frantically looking around, I hesitantly closed the toilet lid - just in time to see a black cockroach slip into a crevice of the toilet. The thing was close enough to go up my butt. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 14:03

Congratulations. Or not.

Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML

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By fittingroompotty - 2/3/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

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By Conner Johnson - 28/11/2017 05:00

The Customer Is Clueless

Today, a customer walked up to me with a dog toy and said, "I knew one-stop shopping was a thing, but I didn't know you guys carried dildos." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2010 00:19 - United States

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

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By hbt51 - 17/8/2015 19:56 - United States - Blue Ridge

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2018 18:30 - United States - Papillion

Today, I accidentally sent a nude to my 10-year-old brother. FML

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By teejayrn - 15/12/2012 11:48 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2014 04:53 - United States - Muncie

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. After breaking the news to my parents, I heard my dad mutter when I left, "Damn it, I liked her better than him." My mother didn't protest. FML

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By Shnur - 5/4/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my patient, a chubby little girl, stood on a scale to measure her weight. She was 5 yrs old and weighed 65 lbs. I started giving her advice on eating healthy: fruits, vegetables, and more greens. She turned to her mother giving a look of shock and said, "But mommy, the doctor is fat too!" FML

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By really? - 13/4/2013 09:21 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2015 01:25 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, when making a delivery for the restaurant I work for, a customer shoved and yelled at me because she didn't get any fries with her order. She didn't order any, which isn't unusual, considering we're a Chinese takeaway and don't even sell them. FML

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By embarrassed - 21/7/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML

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By ElemTeacher - 2/1/2018 15:00

Today, a student's parent yelled at me because they had to pay for school equipment their son had stolen from my desk. Apparently, it's my fault because the item was just too tempting for him not to steal. FML

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By yummy - 30/5/2011 03:34 - United States

Terminology

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

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By blegh - 1/4/2011 02:42 - United States

Today, I fell going down the stairs to the subway platform during rush hour. Someone was kind enough to help me up and someone else was kind enough to steal my iPhone which had fallen out of my pocket and landed nearby. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2010 18:56 - United States

Today, I did my workout at the gym instead of at home as I usually do, since I'm paranoid about people seeing up my shorts. I told myself to get over it, because it's impossible. After my extensive workout, I realized that there was a hole in the crotch of my shorts. FML

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By oh ffs - 25/1/2013 01:13 - United States

Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing here for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved your asses in World War 2." FML

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By SheaLili - 7/8/2011 17:14 - United States

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

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By pimpslaprequired - 4/8/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/8/2015 06:39 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, after missing college for a week due to illness, I found out my "friends" were bullshitting me about us having to write an important no-extension Biology essay. Copious amounts of my sweat, snot and tears went into that desperation-fueled nightmare. Thanks, dickheads. FML

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By McKenna - 16/7/2011 04:10 - United States

Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2016 12:22 - Australia - West End

Today, my dog chewed up my $120 dildo. Goodbye, sex life. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 21:22 - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. I gave a speech about the first time my wife and I met. I said I knew she was the perfect woman for me and it was love at first sight. I looked to my right as she stormed off and then realized I had told a story about my ex-girlfriend who was sitting in the crowd. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2014 06:09 - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, I met my boyfriend's adoptive family. There was his mom and several brothers, one of whom tried to hit on me. They tried to convince my boyfriend to break up with me, and his mom told me I'll probably get knocked up by the brother who hit on me. FML

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By ThatWasntFun - 29/1/2015 21:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went to have a pre-cancerous mole removed off of my nose. When the doctor numbed my nose, she didn't check to see if the anesthetic actually worked, and began hacking away at my nose, leaving me to feel every last flick of the razor. Turns out I have an immunity to that anesthetic. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2013 19:11 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML

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By SadPuppy - 22/5/2013 07:14 - United States

Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/2/2014 21:42 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

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Top comments

By KillerBunnies | 0

#243423 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:40

You are never too old to be a child all over again! I love watching cartoons because they remind me of when I was little! It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

By Cerataphora | 0

#243405 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:37

TS is good!

COMMENTS

By Cerataphora | 0

#243405 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:37

TS is good!

ryguy997 | 0

#940181 - Friday 12 March 2010 21:55

Disney=okay. Disney pixar= SUCKS DONKEYS!!!

memyselfandme | 0

#991544 - Thursday 13 May 2010 4:05

262 DONT DISS TOY STORY!! 留まはま、はらまやまな

Stefany713 | 0

#1019361 - Friday 4 June 2010 22:59

hey Toy Story movies are awesome!!!!

junkboy | 4

#1423521 - Saturday 18 September 2010 18:34

I did the same thing, except it was for black ops not toy story.

JojoChuo | 8

#2668861 - Monday 13 June 2011 4:47

Op, let's face it, our generation DID wait for a
few years until TS3 came out x)

By Mint_fml | 0

#243417 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:39

I just watched that trailer...2 seconds ago before reading this! I'm 19 too :)
Not really an fml.. more like who wouldn't be excited?!

queenday66 | 0

#2475050 - Sunday 8 May 2011 0:25

I had gotten midnight opening day tickets for TS3. Who wouldn't want to know what they do in this one???

randomguy1millon_fml | 0

#3021992 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 13:33

I hate toy story :D

yowassup44 | 0

#3024112 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 21:34

Omg that's awesome ! Toy story is awesome !

By KillerBunnies | 0

#243423 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:40

You are never too old to be a child all over again! I love watching cartoons because they remind me of when I was little! It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

By StuckZ | 0

#243427 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:40

Pixar!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D
just FYL, but don't worry about it too much ;)

By redbluegreen | 40

#243428 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:41

Oh shit! There's a Toy Story 3 coming out!?

No, seriously though, we all do this to something from our childhood atleast once. You're fine.

By foreverisabelx3 | 0

#243429 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:41

lmfaooooooo

By Oupazas | 0

#243430 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:41

HOLY CRAP THERE'S A TRAILER OUT?!?!

By pepperburn | 0

#243432 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:41

it's ok to get excited, but i guess you overdid it a little?

By life_is_life | 0

#243439 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:42

oh wow

By Jaywin | 3

#243441 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:42

You let your inner child come out for a minute - no big deal.

I'm going to see Up later tonight though so this just got me more pumped for that.