Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy...

By LALALALA - 29/5/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

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Miscellaneous

White line fever

Emergency haircut

Business savvy

By condiments - 22/2/2010 21:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

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By Andrew7847 - 11/1/2012 17:02 - United States

Today, I finally managed to get through to the radio station that I always listen to. I handed the phone to my dad so he could win the prize for me, because I'm under 18. He hung up because he thought it was a prank call. FML

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By microlovin - 28/7/2013 07:45 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

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By Sir Anon - 29/2/2016 20:18 - United States - Champlin

Today, I had to leave work early as I almost passed out. My girlfriend's first question after I told her what happened was, "Did you hear Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar?" FML

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By Ihatemyjob - 18/3/2013 03:14 - United States - Vermilion

Today, at work, I walked in on a disoriented elderly woman eating nachos and cheese off the bathroom floor. She wasn't wearing any pants. FML

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By ¬_¬ - 27/7/2013 22:43 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared for a moment, said "Son, I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2012 20:24 - United States - Lufkin

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

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By footyfallout - 16/8/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, I finished writing the most perfect love letter for this girl at summer school. At the end of the letter I signed: Your secret admirer. Cute, right? Not really. Turns out I was so anxious to finish the letter that I ended up writing my name at the bottom. FML

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By never thought I'd say that - 22/8/2013 19:05 - Norway - Stavanger

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2009 14:47 - United Kingdom

Today, we finally got our first electricity bill for our new flat. I was shocked to see that we had used £60 worth of electricity in 6 weeks. Then I noticed that it was only an estimate, and that we could read the meter ourselves to correct the amount. We now have to pay nearly £400. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2018 23:30

Today, I got home from work, took a shower, got ready for bed, and laid down right in cat piss. Now I'm shampooing the mattress and taking another shower just to sleep on the couch. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2013 16:36 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that even though my boyfriend thinks that peeing on me in the shower is acceptable, he will still freak out and call me disgusting if I try to use the toilet while he's taking a shower. FML

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By I'm a joke? - 30/5/2013 05:37

Today, I found out that me having a boyfriend is an on-going family joke. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

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By daddy'sgirl - 21/6/2012 04:11 - United States - Memphis

Today, I was lecturing my high school students on the importance of a good education. I pointed out the janitor in the hall and told them if they didn't stay in school, they'd end up like him. Then one of my students raised her hand and reminded me that the janitor I pointed to was her dad. FML

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By ouchmyeye - 10/6/2011 04:59 - United States

Today, as I was sleeping I heard something bang on my door. I walked on my balcony only to find my boyfriend throwing rocks trying to wake me. He didn't see me and threw a rock right into my eye. FML

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By crash - 22/5/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I went dirtbiking. While I was going down a hill, I spun out of control and flipped over my handle bars. I now have a sprained arm, multiple bruises and a crescent-shaped gash on my neck that looks like I was bitten. People are asking if my boyfriend and I were being frisky last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/1/2011 05:29 - Canada

Today, at the end of another long workday, my husband announced that he was going to take a shower. Attempting to rekindle some much needed romance in our lives, I seductively asked him, "Want me to join you?" He replied, "Sure. But first I have to poop." FML

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By June - 19/5/2009 21:51 - Canada

Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 21:22 - United States - New York

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2019 01:00

Tasting a lot at high school

Today, an old friend showed me pictures proving that my high school sweetheart, who is now my wife, was the school slut who would give anyone a blowjob in the toilets for a fiver. So basically every time I kissed her in high school, I was tonguing another guys cum. I feel physically sick right now. FML

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By cc13799 - 28/5/2014 00:13 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my allergies are so bad that it's affected the way my voice sounds. It's so bad my mom has taken to calling me Aflac because I sound like the duck in the commercials. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 21:27 - Canada

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML

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By googly191 - 19/12/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, it's my birthday, and apparently my family forgot it. But one person didn't forget. My dog gave me a little present in my new shoes I bought for myself. FML

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By fuckingcool - 6/6/2016 04:56

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

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By analbel - 5/11/2018 12:00

Today, I had to get a urine analysis done for my doctor. I take medicine that makes me a little shaky sometimes. Guess who spilled their pee all over themselves while trying to put the lid on. FML

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By Rachel - 23/10/2014 04:04 - United States - Waynesburg

Today, I was passing notes in class with my crush. I started to pour my heart out and tell him about how I've liked him for years. I was caught by the teacher. He looked at it, laughed, and tore it up. He then looked at me and said, "I just saved you from years of embarrassment. You're welcome." FML

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By Anna - 2/7/2009 13:31 - United States

Today, I called back a number I recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was the number of my boyfriend's fiancé. I've been with him 4 years, he's been with her for 6. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

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By drchinky888 - 18/9/2016 17:10 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I was having dinner at my aunt's house who just migrated to Germany from India and doesn't know any German. I asked for the recipe of a dish and she said that she has been buying these cans with cute kitty picture and just adds spices to it. Catfood is delicious I must admit. FML

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By LadyJane - 13/1/2017 14:21

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

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By good husband - 30/4/2013 16:03 - Canada

Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML

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By fmT719 - 18/12/2011 23:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I came to the conclusion that my dad must have had a psychotic break, because when I came home, he was wearing sunglasses indoors, and blasted out Skrillex music all through the evening. The sound of diarrhea pouring into a gutter would make for better music than this. FML

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By Ismellbacon - 29/2/2012 06:29 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend called me a lazy pig. To prove her wrong, I decided to go lift some weights. A few reps in, my arm cracked and my first reaction was to squeal like a pig. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/9/2017 04:30

Today, I saw a creepy guy grab a woman's ass on the bus, so I caught his arm and put him in an arm lock, only for the woman to hit me in the head with her handbag. Turns out they were a married couple on their way home to have sex, and who couldn't resist a quick grope during the journey. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2012 06:21 - Canada

Today, while I was looking for an apartment for my boyfriend and myself, he asked me how would I feel about his mom moving in together with us. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2012 22:15 - United Kingdom - Warwick

Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML

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By keisha89 - 22/6/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, I finally met the guy I've been talking to online for a year. I'd dropped 10lbs off my weight. He'd shaved 20 years off his age. FML

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By isaidfuckoff - 27/6/2015 18:29 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

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Top comments

By KillerBunnies | 0

#243423 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:40

You are never too old to be a child all over again! I love watching cartoons because they remind me of when I was little! It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

By Cerataphora | 0

#243405 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:37

TS is good!

Comments

By Cerataphora | 0

#243405 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:37

TS is good!

ryguy997 | 0

#940181 - Friday 12 March 2010 21:55

Disney=okay. Disney pixar= SUCKS DONKEYS!!!

memyselfandme | 0

#991544 - Thursday 13 May 2010 4:05

262 DONT DISS TOY STORY!! 留まはま、はらまやまな

Stefany713 | 0

#1019361 - Friday 4 June 2010 22:59

hey Toy Story movies are awesome!!!!

junkboy | 4

#1423521 - Saturday 18 September 2010 18:34

I did the same thing, except it was for black ops not toy story.

JojoChuo | 8

#2668861 - Monday 13 June 2011 4:47

Op, let's face it, our generation DID wait for a
few years until TS3 came out x)

By Mint_fml | 0

#243417 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:39

I just watched that trailer...2 seconds ago before reading this! I'm 19 too :)
Not really an fml.. more like who wouldn't be excited?!

queenday66 | 0

#2475050 - Sunday 8 May 2011 0:25

I had gotten midnight opening day tickets for TS3. Who wouldn't want to know what they do in this one???

randomguy1millon_fml | 0

#3021992 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 13:33

I hate toy story :D

yowassup44 | 0

#3024112 - Tuesday 2 August 2011 21:34

Omg that's awesome ! Toy story is awesome !

By KillerBunnies | 0

#243423 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:40

You are never too old to be a child all over again! I love watching cartoons because they remind me of when I was little! It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

By StuckZ | 0

#243427 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:40

Pixar!!!!!!!!!!!!
:D
just FYL, but don't worry about it too much ;)

By redbluegreen | 40

#243428 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:41

Oh shit! There's a Toy Story 3 coming out!?

No, seriously though, we all do this to something from our childhood atleast once. You're fine.

By foreverisabelx3 | 0

#243429 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:41

lmfaooooooo

By Oupazas | 0

#243430 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:41

HOLY CRAP THERE'S A TRAILER OUT?!?!

By pepperburn | 0

#243432 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:41

it's ok to get excited, but i guess you overdid it a little?

By life_is_life | 0

#243439 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:42

oh wow

By Jaywin | 3

#243441 - Saturday 30 May 2009 1:42

You let your inner child come out for a minute - no big deal.

I'm going to see Up later tonight though so this just got me more pumped for that.