Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at... - FML

By whoahshloann - United States

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23820

You deserved it

53952

Tweet

Share

There's no helping some people

Zoomed out

Pleased to meet you

By could be an fml commenter - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15662

You deserved it

108026

Tweet

Share

By chloeleigholivia - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, being the clean freak that I am, I bought an expensive pair of 'mop socks'. As I walked upstairs to show everyone, I slipped on the corner of the bottom step and landed on my face, breaking my toe in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18230

You deserved it

5056

Tweet

Share

By highlandgirl10 - Canada

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52970

You deserved it

6200

Tweet

Share

By playinmyguitar - United States

Today, I invited everyone to a gig I'm playing at a bar. They closed it down just for me when I told them how many people were attending, and I spent all day setting it up. Turns out nobody showed up besides my mom, my dad, and 2 of my cousins. I still had to play 7 songs in front of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48714

You deserved it

6908

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39242

You deserved it

14412

Tweet

Share

By karmaiguess

Today, I saw the guy I bullied during elementary school and tried to apologize to him. Instead, he took out a knife and stabbed me. I'm currently in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2306

You deserved it

5008

Tweet

Share

By Annoyed - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother told me she bought the same perfume that my boyfriend got me for Christmas last year. He loves that perfume. Now, whenever he smells me, he's going to think of his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28299

You deserved it

2814

Tweet

Share

By gmd05 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25699

You deserved it

3669

Tweet

Share

By And I'm still single - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I found out that my picture from a dating profile was so "hilarious" that people have been posting it on Instagram with mean captions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42402

You deserved it

6018

Tweet

Share

By CorCelesti - United States

Today, I got married. My father saw this as a good time to give some solemn, heartfelt advice to my new husband: "That ring gets real heavy fast." I was standing right there. So was my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46754

You deserved it

4679

Tweet

Share

By scorned_jacketless_lady - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42227

You deserved it

16528

Tweet

Share

By getmeoutofthiscountry - United States

Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61006

You deserved it

4067

Tweet

Share

By mrWrong - United States

Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

101758

You deserved it

12076

Tweet

Share

By WorstMedicalBill - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11109

You deserved it

21611

Tweet

Share

By ineedayob - United States - La Mesa

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46806

You deserved it

3744

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59250

You deserved it

4424

Tweet

Share

By disappointed - United States - Rockville

Today, my eldest daughter told me about the sharp pains she's been having for the past couple of days. She also told me how she thinks it's really pointy carrots trying to escape her body. She's 11, and going to middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11947

You deserved it

1445

Tweet

Share

By ohforcheese - United States

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29516

You deserved it

8497

Tweet

Share

By soldnone - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24366

You deserved it

1968

Tweet

Share

By JustLeaveThem

Today, I was reaching into the floor vent in my toddler's room to retrieve some toys she'd dropped. What I found instead was a clump of large dead spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2621

You deserved it

264

Tweet

Share

By Higgs - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67985

You deserved it

6159

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/7/2020 02:02

I need it

Today, I wore crotchless panties to bed and my boyfriend didn't notice. It's been 10 months since we've had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

You deserved it

329

Tweet

Share

By Faker - United States

Today, while shopping, an old man came up to me and told me I should be ashamed for walking around fake limping, and that it's horrible to mock people who actually limp from serious injuries. I wasn't faking, I was born without my right leg and I was getting used to my new prosthetic one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37860

You deserved it

1653

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/8/2020 20:00

I keep mine hidden

Today, while my girlfriend is in hospital, I'm left at home with her mom. What I didn't know is that her mom's medication makes her do strange things. I learned that right away when she took a seat next to me, completely naked, on the couch. My girlfriend's mom is my grandmother's age. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1521

You deserved it

99

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43234

You deserved it

5783

Tweet

Share

By - 24/1/2020 18:00

Online life

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1378

You deserved it

2271

Tweet

Share

By Charles Pennington - United States

Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31758

You deserved it

3336

Tweet

Share

By Sally - United States

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

I agree, your life sucks

23118

You deserved it

5316

Tweet

Share

By TriedToHelp

Today, I was volunteering at an Indian hospital through a Canadian volunteer agency after paying $3000. It was my first day, but I got deported for having an incorrect visa. I had a tourist visa when I was supposed to have a "miscellaneous" visa. I got deported for volunteering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1838

You deserved it

470

Tweet

Share

By cjw - United States

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46486

You deserved it

4296

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I realised my dad speaks to me the same way he speaks to my dog when she's done something bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26162

You deserved it

3489

Tweet

Share

By webperson04 - United States

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68272

You deserved it

3585

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, my teacher assigned us teams in a class debate. I landed on the team that had to argue the obviously wrong point of view. When I finished, my teacher told me and the entire class how much I disturbed her, and how I reminded her of Hitler and Napoleon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30541

You deserved it

2552

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Luxembourg

Today, my mother told her friends that I work as a call girl. I'm a call center agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41200

You deserved it

3224

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I graduated from a top law school. My aunt's reaction? "I will never hang out with a cop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24255

You deserved it

2052

Tweet

Share

By lalalalalala - United States

Today, I was excited to have a window seat on my three hour flight to New York. When I got to my row, I noticed the screaming newborn occupying the seat in front of me, and a pair of toddlers behind me. I then looked to my seat to find I have no window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35698

You deserved it

3710

Tweet

Share

By SadOldBag - United States - Estero

Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3081

You deserved it

209

Tweet

Share

By hannieannie

Psychopath's joke

Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2837

You deserved it

225

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Corrimal

Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25619

You deserved it

6565

Tweet

Share

By spekledworf - United States - Wrentham

Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32356

You deserved it

1990

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By mischief_managed_fml | 0

#247196 - Sunday 31 May 2009 9:58

Don't worry, I've done this too... Harry Potter is great. :)

By zabeth_fml | 0

#247234 - Sunday 31 May 2009 10:11

OP: Google 'mirror neurons' - it's natural to mimic what you see, like wincing when someone gets punched in the balls or smiling when others are smiling. S'called being human. :) At least your brain's intact?

COMMENTS

By mischief_managed_fml | 0

#247196 - Sunday 31 May 2009 9:58

Don't worry, I've done this too... Harry Potter is great. :)

Reply

Spongii101 | 12

#985890 - Tuesday 27 April 2010 8:20

I did it in the cinema at the end of Dumbledore's speech... everyone stared at me :P

Reply

SupKev | 0

#1818377 - Thursday 9 December 2010 9:40

haha ive done that

Reply

poorfml | 0

#2387148 - Friday 22 April 2011 7:41

lol I did it to you're not alone

Reply

lils_fml | 0

#3326381 - Thursday 22 September 2011 4:06

It's all right, when I watch them at home I find myself talking to my tv. Talk about a major FML moment.

By nuclear | 0

#247201 - Sunday 31 May 2009 9:59

Hey, it's not your fault you're really into the movie! :)

Reply

pandora_spocks | 0

#1082766 - Tuesday 13 July 2010 4:07

#2s hot!

Reply

sheagstaz | 0

#2427013 - Friday 29 April 2011 2:46

agreed

By rukiafujioka | 0

#247204 - Sunday 31 May 2009 10:00

Heyhey, the great hall atmosphere is awesome!

By milooo | 0

#247207 - Sunday 31 May 2009 10:01

YLIA

By WhySoSassy | 0

#247209 - Sunday 31 May 2009 10:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By fkjiwefakris | 0

#247216 - Sunday 31 May 2009 10:04

#6 she probably can. watch out.

By loser_fml | 1

#247220 - Sunday 31 May 2009 10:05

We've all done this...
:(

By sunrises_fml | 0

#247222 - Sunday 31 May 2009 10:06

nothing wrong with that. harry potter is amazing.

By funplex | 0

#247226 - Sunday 31 May 2009 10:06

I love Harry Potter.

By zabeth_fml | 0

#247234 - Sunday 31 May 2009 10:11

OP: Google 'mirror neurons' - it's natural to mimic what you see, like wincing when someone gets punched in the balls or smiling when others are smiling. S'called being human. :) At least your brain's intact?