The Top

Okay, okay. Let me clear up a couple things. lol. First, me and my husband were sneaking toppings, and I couldn't get the box shut again. I didn't think it would be a big deal, I had enough confidence in myself to make it from the car to the house without a mishap (foolishly.) Second, that was the last of just our spending money for the next couple days. I didn't go broke on pizza :) and lastly, the pizza did get replaced. we returned with the sad mess that was supposed to be dinner, we all wept a little, said a prayer for the pizzas that don't make it home, and they gave me a fresh new one :)

Oh Romeo…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to try to serenade me by throwing rocks at my window and singing a song about how much he loves me. This would have been extremely sweet if he would have gotten my window instead of my dad's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 116

You deserved it 2 477

By Anonymous - 29/05/2012 17:50 - Netherlands - Lelystad

Today, I spilled my guts to my girlfriend, saying I'm scared that all I do is upset her. I then had to sit through a speech about how upset she was that I hadn't told her sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 116

You deserved it 4 813

By Lost... - 06/03/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, after leaving work at 10 pm, I took a shortcut to the highway. After getting lost, my GPS informed me that the service was unavailable and I should try back in an hour. This occurred moments before I ran out of gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 114

You deserved it 8 645

By whyarewerelated - 08/09/2011 15:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was working alone in the office with my brother. He's run out of work to do, so has been singing Disney songs loudly and badly, throwing stationery at me, and just now snuck up on me from behind and wrapped duct tape round my face. It's just us in the office next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 114

You deserved it 2 865

By orilykid - 31/10/2012 17:23 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 113

You deserved it 1 961

By idonthavelice - 28/02/2010 13:44 - China

Today, while I was standing in the elevator with a few people I just met when I moved in yesterday, I felt something fall on my hair and dusted it off. It was a cockroach. None of them will come within a 1m distance to me now, because they all think I've got lice. Welcome to the building! FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 112

You deserved it 2 418

By fmlll - 28/08/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 110

You deserved it 59 935

By Anonymous - 01/01/2010 10:29 - United States

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 110

You deserved it 2 725

Chill out

By HURP - 17/06/2015 15:41 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke, and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 107

You deserved it 13 173

By reedcarter - 04/12/2012 02:14

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 107

You deserved it 2 065

By krt - 03/10/2010 23:29 - United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 106

You deserved it 7 814

By KaylaRox1908 - 08/07/2015 02:45 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I had to sit through an entire movie where every time a new character was introduced, the guy sitting behind me would say, "My name is Jeff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 106

You deserved it 2 247

HappyItalian tells us more.

HappyItalian 38

Wednesday 8 July 2015 17:34

The movie was Terminator: Genisys. The theatre was completely full so I couldn't switch seats. The guy was with a friend so they both thought it was hilarious and continued to do it even for the after-credits scene when almost everyone was gone. On a side note, I can't believe out of all the FML's I've posted over the years this is the one that got published, haha. Nice thing to wake up to in the morning before a job interview! (Hopefully that's not another FML waiting to happen)

By rahavan - 08/11/2012 01:38 - United States - Tacoma

Today, after the fourth time telling my roommate I'm highly allergic to her scented products, I came back to find all 6 of our wall outlets using Glade plug-ins. They were set to high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 103

You deserved it 2 217

rahavan tells us more.

rahavan 15

Thursday 8 November 2012 21:28

Um no, I passed out and wrote this after I was forced to go to the hospital by my floors RA.

By *facefloor* - 24/07/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 101

You deserved it 5 427

By ricksterile - 29/10/2011 00:44 - United States

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 100

You deserved it 10 864

Copycat

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Nuneaton

Today, I found out that my fiancé's sister, who only got engaged a couple of months ago, is getting married before us. I wouldn't have a problem with this if she wasn't planning her wedding to be exactly like ours will be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 100

You deserved it 2 006

By loser doctor - 02/01/2009 11:14 - Philippines

Today, I found out the girl I was in love with has a new boyfriend. I blame myself because I believed her when she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 098

You deserved it 4 412

By Severus_Snape_ - 20/09/2015 07:11 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my wrist. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I am pretty sure mosquito bites are not supposed to start crawling up to your armpit while swelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 098

You deserved it 1 676

Severus_Snape_ tells us more.

Severus_Snape_ 23

Sunday 20 September 2015 23:11

Wow, this is the first time one of my FMLs have been accepted! I googled whatever was happening on my arm, and I think 26 may or may not be right. According to the internet, if should go away in a few days, and it was a spider bite. But ever since I was a kid, I've always attracted some weird bug bites, but this has never happened to me before. Unfortunately, I am the type of person that will twist my wrist and still just say that I'm fine. Like that time where I threw up twice when I was 11 years old and still insisted that I was well enough to go to school, only to be sent back home when I threw up again. I applied some type of cream thing on the bite, and it has gotten better. It'll probably go away in a few days. Hopefully.