Intimacy: Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were...

By namhtor - 28/09/2009 19:20 - United States

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We were having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 509

You deserved it 6 752

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 529

You deserved it 64 339

By joe - 23/06/2013 23:36 - United States - Easton

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 696

You deserved it 8 616

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 647

Caught red-handed

By caught - 09/01/2012 00:43 - United States

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 336

You deserved it 36 291

By Perpetually F-ed. - 17/01/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, my younger brother and my parents were in my dorm room. When I wasn't looking, my brother opened the top drawer of my dresser (where I had a tube of half-used lube) and asked out loud: "What's Astroglide?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 370

You deserved it 9 329

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 109

By epistaxis - 29/01/2009 02:31 - Australia

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 731

You deserved it 3 958

By weirdedout - 24/05/2010 15:14 - United States

Today, while sitting at a red light, my mother asked, "Do you have any intimacy questions?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 667

You deserved it 5 251

By TappedAnts - 08/04/2016 01:45 - United States - Seabrook

Today, I went to a family reunion with my brother and my mother. She spent quite a while giving a glowing introduction for my brother to one of her cousins. Then, just before walking off, she jerked a thumb in my direction and said, "Oh, yeah, and that's his sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 091

You deserved it 1 350

Caught in 404p

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 04:49 - Canada

Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 313

You deserved it 51 571

omgyoukilledkeny 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:28

I ****** LOVE UR MOM

rb7_Brady 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:20

Lmao you must be very lonely

Comments

rb7_Brady 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:20

Lmao you must be very lonely

Gia0896 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 1:47

So how does your brother being a pro affect you??

RaiinbowCrayon 0

Tuesday 29 September 2009 2:24

He is the brother lol .

iarediana 0

Wednesday 4 November 2009 6:38

LOL no durh he is the brother xD

Mirelly13 6

Sunday 6 June 2010 6:44

wow

biasedshooter 24

Monday 23 July 2012 18:18

You "where having dinner"?

PoptartsKid 13

Sunday 4 November 2012 4:40

Being actually considered a "pro" takes 10,000 hours to accomplish o_O

Prolux_fml 23

Thursday 2 May 2013 16:12

113 - Actually, 10,000 hours is the mark of perfection. The book "Outliers" discusses that point very well.

buzby 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:21

shit lol... that sucks..

gunnar7240 0

Friday 25 June 2010 7:00

That is awesome. Your mom got you with that one. Hard!

UsernameUnknown 7

Saturday 16 July 2011 11:33

So did you tell?

cuteguyoO 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:22

loool

MacintoshDima 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:24

lol

Jebadiah 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:27

that bitch! so did you tell her, you ARE a pro

demonstare7 5

Saturday 19 November 2011 2:00

Ahhh, it's always nice to get recognized :)

omgyoukilledkeny 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:28

I ****** LOVE UR MOM

CootiesH 5

Thursday 16 June 2016 4:12

I KNOW SHE SEEMS LIKE THE BEST HUMAN ON THE PLANET

GodsOfWrath 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:30

Why does your mother watch you **********? (that's wierd i think) However, that was very nice of her to refer to you as a "pro"

stephan18 23

Monday 13 August 2012 3:27

She has probably caught him several times doing it, enough to see his pro technique haha!

lahp 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:38

ha! you got told! at the dinner table as well.. your mother sounds like mine she will take a dig when she can! fight back!

ilovejaffacakes 0

Monday 28 September 2009 23:40

haha that's brilliant! awkward much? :)

f_alltheirlives 3

Monday 28 September 2009 23:41

Does she cheer you on? Are you sponsored? Did you ever promise a cancer dying kid that you would win the gold just for him? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my neighbour from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 856

You deserved it 6 631

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 144

You deserved it 7 104

The Top

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 251

You deserved it 2 494

Today, it seems that I won't be having sex for a while. I was Live Action Role Playing and got hit in the dick with a foam sword. The hit moved my armour enough for a padded arrow to get a direct hit on my right nut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 187

Today, we left the cat alone all day for the first time in months, and came back home 11.5 hours later to three enormous puddles of vomit. We then spent $450 at the vet only to find out that our cat is perfectly healthy. He just has separation anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 849

You deserved it 661

Today, I walked in on the guy I called a cuck in high school going down on my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 1 949

Today, a woman messaged me on a dating app to tell me that I was ugly, and that I shouldn't be allowed on the site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 282

You deserved it 465

Today, my friend reminded me that I have been on a ton of dates lately, but couldn't get a girlfriend because I thought something was off with them all. He also reminded me that I have dated every zodiac sign, meaning I'm out of options. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 168

You deserved it 567