Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the...

By Melie-Melo - 16/12/2008 07:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

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Miscellaneous

This is us

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

You snooze, you lose

By YOUNG1441 - 29/6/2016 21:50 - United Kingdom - Cramlington

Today, after finishing a two-day course for work, I was informed that the days used will either be unpaid or used up as holidays, as it was for improvement of myself and not the company. They put me on the course without my knowledge until the weekend before. FML

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By MyLegsHurt - 28/10/2015 22:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

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22616

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By KMAC - 16/3/2010 20:14 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancé is in a long distance relationship with his ex. Not only do we live on the same island, he's also my neighbor and my co-worker. FML

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30278

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By JoLaFritte - 7/11/2008 10:10 - France

Today, thinking that I’m alone at work, I start rummaging through my nose trying to find something interesting. It’s only after about a minute that I notice that my boss is looking straight at me. FML

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9922

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By Anonymous - 24/1/2015 18:33 - Romania - Campina

Today, it's been 3 months since my dog scratched my 9 year old granddaughter after she walked over and repeatedly kicked him. My daughter has disowned me and won't let me see my own grandchildren until I have my companion of 11 years "destroyed". FML

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42125

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2890

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By x - 21/2/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, a 32 year old man I had been dating for a few months, finally took me to his place. To my surprise, this bachelor had a huge and very clean home! Also, to my surprise, I met the REAL homeowner. His grandmother, who came home early. We were having sex on her couch at the time. FML

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59623

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By rock'n roller - 3/12/2013 03:42

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

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55526

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By "catty_13" - 26/9/2017 13:00

Today, my boss installed a comment box for anonymous suggestions on how to improve the workplace. So far, I've received 5 notes from my employees requesting that I be fired or replaced by a hotter woman as it's the best way to improve the company. FML

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3248

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229

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By leaftheerickson - 21/10/2012 10:31 - United States - Bohemia

Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML

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24836

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1585

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By nooooooooob - 5/10/2011 08:59 - United States

Today, after a long bike-ride home, I thought my roommate was being a douche and holding the door shut to our apartment. After about ten minutes of shoulder-slamming and name calling, I discovered that I just wasn't turning the key all the way, which I found out when my roomie came home. FML

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8086

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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 09:53 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML

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17036

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By Buggy - 12/12/2017 18:30 - United States - Atmore

Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML

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3093

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By BagBoy - 13/11/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, I was taking out a customer's groceries when he offered me a $5 tip. I told him I couldn't accept, since it's against store policy, but thanked him anyway. He called me an asshole just as my boss was walking to his car, who then yelled at me for it. FML

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43673

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By peanutprobs - 31/10/2014 21:12 - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

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38730

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

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29416

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By I hate nasty people - 5/4/2012 16:18 - United States - South Bend

Today, my new roommate took a shower. This would be a good thing, except for the fact that it's apparently taken her two months just to take this one. I have to live with her for another year. FML

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By SelfServiced - 3/11/2014 01:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

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41743

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2011 19:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home from working late and decided to write a cute email to my girlfriend since I haven't seen her in two weeks. I was about to finish it off when my door swung open, and in a panic, I opened another tab to hide my email. It was porn. FML

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13740

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By mc - 3/1/2009 02:12 - France

Today, my mother bought me some "biodegradable" tissues. Indeed, they melted… in my hand. FML

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21729

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By unbelievable - 2/2/2009 11:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd help me shave my mustache. I'm a girl. FML

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29799

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By Username - 1/5/2014 10:33 - United States

Today, my dog died. My parents told me to bury it out back. In the process, I managed to dig up my cat. FML

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53300

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML

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32397

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By Stuckism - 15/9/2009 17:16 - Malaysia

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line tells me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I've got a headache, my legs are stiff and my date must think I stood her up. The tech finally arrives, pries the door open, then rudely asks, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

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44267

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By FrustratedTutor - 4/2/2015 03:39 - United States - Andover

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

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36663

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By Treats For Days - 19/7/2013 13:54 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML

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By DarkDisaster - 27/12/2012 10:16 - United States

Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML

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34169

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2012 23:52 - United States - Yucaipa

Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML

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By Peach - 2/3/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

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23598

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By Anonymous - 30/5/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my second roommate in less then a week got a DUI. Both roommates are demanding that I drive them around for free until they get their licenses back, or else they won't have the funds to pay their rent. FML

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38847

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, I was on an airplane that was experiencing some turbulence. Feeling anxious, I reached over and grabbed my husband's hand for comfort. He then said, "Why are you scared of dying? You're not even pretty." FML

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44827

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By hugedissapointment - 9/8/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML

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12879

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By Arden - 3/2/2019 20:00

Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML

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1790

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1451

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2015 13:27 - United Kingdom - Tranent

Today, I was invited to my friend's wedding. I wouldn't mind, but she chose her now fiancé over me, despite him being in prison for assault, a heroin addict and a general dick. This was all because I accidentally called her stupid three years ago. FML

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23569

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By killme - 29/12/2012 22:33 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I was at church, when my mom's phone went off during the sermon. As if that wasn't humiliating enough for me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song. FML

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30677

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4059

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By CoffeeBoy - 6/11/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, I went to meet a potential client at StarBucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other StarBucks. FML

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32940

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By allisonpaige21 - 18/6/2015 22:31 - United States - Quitman

Today, I found out that my grandparents are going to take my car away and sell it because they're pissed I'm moving in with my boyfriend. FML

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27332

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5103

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By catwithwatermelononhead - 21/1/2018 19:00

The gift that keeps not arriving...

Today, the $800, large capacity, professional carpet steam cleaner my husband supposedly bought me for Christmas got "lost in the mail". So did the refund. FML

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4083

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282

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By annonymus - 23/10/2014 00:57 - United States

Today, I flew to California to visit my younger sister at college. When I got to her house, her boyfriend looks at her and says, "She's not THAT ugly." FML

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31238

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2946

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By hatesurf - 26/6/2009 17:23 - Peru

Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writing a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him, I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard, and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML

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60412

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By wut - 5/8/2012 05:23 - United States

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

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Top comments

By Easy_Target | 0

#6036 - Monday 23 February 2009 23:06

See, this is where you start leaving flaming bags of sh*t in front of your landlady's door.

By littlec_fml | 0

#24607 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:07

wood stove, dude

Comments

By Easy_Target | 0

#6036 - Monday 23 February 2009 23:06

See, this is where you start leaving flaming bags of sh*t in front of your landlady's door.

jimmyismike | 0

#967601 - Thursday 25 March 2010 1:50

penis

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1004705 - Monday 24 May 2010 2:00

poo poo poo

ThirteenThirteen | 27

#6302123 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:44

#15 Thank you for your contribution.

By littlec_fml | 0

#24607 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:07

wood stove, dude

By lol_seriously | 0

#58399 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:20

15 people put "you deserved that one"

I mean seriously what the hell?!

By au_2012 | 0

#91726 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 2:41

thats nuthin..live in nebraska in the dead of winter and then you can complain..or hell come here now! we've got 6" of snow! lol

Gibby_fml | 0

#975062 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 7:14

6 inches of snow is alot?!? I live in the 'great white north' aka Canada. we have 3 feet of snow in one day. suck it up. and, op, suck it up. one degree is warm.

bandgeek1575 | 5

#2147324 - Thursday 3 March 2011 20:58

we got 15' last year. beat that.

TheBigWaffle | 6

#2679369 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 15:09

I got 11 feet last year, so I win

LuxAeterna_fml | 0

#3710661 - Saturday 10 December 2011 10:17

I have 2 feet.

silentbutfunny | 0

#3896988 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 6:10

Thus year we got 2.... "

By ayvada | 0

#190707 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 5:59

Man, you totally can't complain. It's May, and we just had snow.
1 degree in mid-december would be a complete blessing!

By typicalyetnot15 | 0

#523037 - Saturday 29 August 2009 1:39

you people know nothing of what winter is! I live in northern Alberta, and November-March it is -40 some winters. And no just because I live in Northern Canada does not mean I live in a danm igloo. I have never seen one before . But really stop complianing get a space heater or something safer and stop whining! LOL

kristinaferens | 0

#966369 - Monday 22 March 2010 19:43

LOL yea I live in Winnipeg! people complain.. -1 degree in December :(
that's swimming weather for most canadians! LOL

Maubinlol | 0

#2692550 - Thursday 16 June 2011 6:47

True that bro! It was snowing in March!

By batj03l | 0

#610798 - Thursday 8 October 2009 22:24

You don't know what winter is right? Where I live,wich is in New Brunswick,Canada we have winters with -40, -1 is REALLY fun to have during winter around here..

By Giant85 | 0

#785184 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:02

yeah well....I live in Colorado and it snows and it's cold at times so...HA! think you know winters

By HamsteronA | 0

#787194 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 23:31

stop showing off how cold your winter is it's spamming it up and we all know 1 degree isn't cold. STFU

sicpupyz122 | 0

#929283 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 17:35

all u shut up. u guys thinks it's so cool to have -40 degree weather and that-1 is nothing. well u guys won't be so smug wen ops having 80 degrees summer like me and ur summers r 20 degrees. get a life

kristinaferens | 0

#966370 - Monday 22 March 2010 19:44

do you think we ENJOY -40 weather? no

sunshineegirl | 2

#1273389 - Friday 20 August 2010 2:14

wow 11.. in ND we have 70-100 degree summers and 30 to -60 degree winters. most of the time it's below zero in winter and at least 80 in summer. so stfu.

By alekss_fml | 0

#792358 - Saturday 23 January 2010 3:29

wow live my life and youll be happy 1de even exists