Miscellaneous: Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the...

By Melie-Melo - 16/12/2008 07:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 049

You deserved it 2 151

Miscellaneous

Hiding from the drama

Empathy lives

Midlife crisis

Addicted to the anticipation

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 07:59 - United States - Verona

Today, as every day for the past three weeks, I had to hear my housemate complain about an order being delayed. The last couple of orders took two months to arrive, and she decided to order yet again from that company, so she checks daily and I have to hear about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 06/06/2019 14:00

Today, my ex said I had a lot in common with his new girlfriend. His new, grossly overweight, college drop-out, clinically depressed, constantly pot-smoking girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 362

By reallydevonte - 01/08/2016 17:30 - United States - Memphis

Today, I went to the eye doctor with my little brother. There were only three chairs and one was occupied by a woman. I sat at the far end, but as soon as I sat down, I heard my little brother yell out loud, "I DON'T WANT TO SIT NEXT TO THE FAT LADY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 769

You deserved it 1 104

By IRum - 11/08/2011 08:45 - Russian Federation

Today, my three year old sister asked me to go to the amusement park with her. Since I was late for work, I politely refused and said we'd go tomorrow. She punched me in the nuts so hard that I could barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 045

You deserved it 5 455

By Doglover - 02/11/2017 14:00

Today, I went jogging. It was cold but I dressed lightly because I overheat when I exercise. Unfortunately, I locked myself out. My wife returned four hours later to find me spooning our dog in the doghouse to keep from freezing to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 838

You deserved it 929

By pixkalexi - 20/05/2013 20:14 - United States - North Easton

Today, I have an upset stomach. Every other minute, it sounds like Chewbacca is screaming to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 947

You deserved it 4 838

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 870

You deserved it 8 423

Projection

By Anonymous - 12/08/2020 14:02

Today, my boyfriend said angrily that he should never have gotten together with me, that he should have known a woman with divorced parents would have daddy issues, and never be quite right in the head. His own parents are divorced by the way, and his mom is extremely overbearing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 565

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 21/03/2011 17:32 - United Kingdom

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 566

You deserved it 34 168

By obsessed - 27/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 228

You deserved it 89 153

Where did you guys come from?

By Brad - 04/07/2021 21:59 - United States

Today, I woke up to find two pitbulls viciously tearing up my couch. I have never owned a dog and I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 58

By Anonymous - 19/07/2014 23:39 - United States - Erie

Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 556

You deserved it 6 462

Not a good look

By dumb dumb dumb - 20/10/2020 11:04 - United States

Today, my daughter decided she wants to be a Pokémon for Halloween. To practice the look, she used fabric dye because she thought it would look cool on her skin. Only she decided to dress as Jynx and instead of looking cool, she looks like a racist idiot in blackface. She posted pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 165

By Anonymous - 24/07/2013 07:33 - United States - Alpine

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 047

You deserved it 4 320

By Velian - 09/12/2008 08:59 - France

Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 583

You deserved it 4 658

By ladeda - 07/03/2009 07:01 - United States

Today, my name was called during an assembly because I won some sort of prize. Everyone booed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 386

You deserved it 6 743

By 613tanner - 19/05/2011 05:30

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 447

You deserved it 70 177

By Cleo - 23/06/2010 14:27 - Brunei Darussalam

Today, I found out that my colleagues don't add me on Facebook so that they can publicly put me down in their statuses, without me knowing. My boss liked the one which said that I talk too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 262

You deserved it 10 372

Still a better a love story than Alien vs. Predator

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 07:59 - United States

Today, the girl who I had a desperate crush on in high school 25 years ago, and who would never go out with me, told me that she was actually head over heels in love with me, but was so cripplingly shy that she couldn't say yes. She's divorced now. I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 213

By stinky breath - 15/07/2014 21:24 - United States - Whittier

Today, I taught my 23-year-old boyfriend how to correctly brush his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 578

You deserved it 6 568

By redhanded - 28/05/2011 09:24 - United States

Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 680

You deserved it 61 621

By umm - 08/12/2009 20:35 - United States

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 677

You deserved it 3 317

By OhGeez - 08/06/2009 19:41 - Canada

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 823

You deserved it 22 657

By Rejected. - 22/11/2009 17:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend of one year when an attractive girl walks over. She asks him, "Is this your girlfriend?" He replied "That depends... are you single?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 237

You deserved it 3 907

Halloween has started early

By Anonymous - 22/10/2019 00:01

Today, while walking down the street, I was violently beaten up by a man in a Darth Vader outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 144

By estephi - 09/02/2010 08:14 - France

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that the only reason he's with me is because I'm a good tattoo artist and he's too broke to pay for his own tattoos. We've been together for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 032

You deserved it 3 105

Go vegan

By Done - 24/11/2020 05:02 - Italy

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 67

By Nickname - 27/08/2018 06:00

Today, I came home to find my wife and my ex-wife naked in my bed. Apparently they've been in a relationship for five months. When I told my kids, they said that they were helping to keep the secret. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 337

You deserved it 258

By Anonymous - 10/02/2012 16:12 - United States

Today, I noticed that I have gained enough weight to give me back boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 772

You deserved it 34 605

By notthatkinkyanyway - 13/11/2011 12:46 - China

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 486

You deserved it 6 359

By whoops - 06/04/2017 22:00

Today, I saw that the wine bottle I couldn't open last night has a big hole in the top from my struggle to open it. It was a screw off top. Must have been drunker than I thought last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 638

You deserved it 2 082

By idgit42 - 27/07/2010 22:15 - United States

Today, I didn't realize until I was home that I'd thrown my retainer away with my tray at Chick-fil-A. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 699

You deserved it 30 286

By Anonymous - 13/05/2012 12:15 - United States - Hanover

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 109

You deserved it 3 207

By ihatemylife - 28/01/2013 01:08 - United States - Naperville

Today, at 24, I still can't grow a single bit of facial hair. Well, at least not on the right side of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 320

You deserved it 2 404

By Sady_Ct - 17/03/2019 18:00

Today I took my dogs to the off leash dog park as usual. Today some dick decided to feed my pup alcohol while I was cleaning up after my other dog. Now my pup is sick and the vet is worried he may not survive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 337

You deserved it 210

By bugger - 22/02/2015 17:31

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 909

You deserved it 5 138

By Gray_Kitty - 17/09/2016 19:34 - United States - Omaha

Today, a woman came in to order lunch. She ordered a sandwich then asked for me to configure it precisely to her complicated desires. This took a whole 5 minutes, during the lunch rush. When I told her the cost, she decided it was too expensive and cancelled her order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 633

You deserved it 750

By Annoyed - 15/01/2017 18:00

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 914

You deserved it 1 677

By Brianna Weltmire - 08/04/2012 05:13 - United States - Denver

Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 787

You deserved it 2 722

By lilithfaye - 02/11/2012 16:35 - United States

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 562

You deserved it 6 215

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Top comments

Easy_Target 0

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Monday 23 February 2009 23:06

See, this is where you start leaving flaming bags of sh*t in front of your landlady's door.

littlec_fml 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:07

wood stove, dude

Easy_Target 0

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Monday 23 February 2009 23:06

See, this is where you start leaving flaming bags of sh*t in front of your landlady's door.

jimmyismike 0

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Thursday 25 March 2010 1:50

penis

danyfuckinheatle 0

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Monday 24 May 2010 2:00

poo poo poo

ThirteenThirteen 27

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Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:44

#15 Thank you for your contribution.

littlec_fml 0

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Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:07

wood stove, dude

lol_seriously 0

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Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:20

15 people put "you deserved that one" I mean seriously what the hell?!

au_2012 0

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Wednesday 8 April 2009 2:41

thats nuthin..live in nebraska in the dead of winter and then you can complain..or hell come here now! we've got 6" of snow! lol

Gibby_fml 0

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Tuesday 6 April 2010 7:14

6 inches of snow is alot?!? I live in the 'great white north' aka Canada. we have 3 feet of snow in one day. suck it up. and, op, suck it up. one degree is warm.

bandgeek1575 5

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Thursday 3 March 2011 20:58

we got 15' last year. beat that.

TheBigWaffle 6

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Tuesday 14 June 2011 15:09

I got 11 feet last year, so I win

LuxAeterna_fml 0

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Saturday 10 December 2011 10:17

I have 2 feet.

silentbutfunny 0

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 6:10

Thus year we got 2.... "

ayvada 0

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Tuesday 12 May 2009 5:59

Man, you totally can't complain. It's May, and we just had snow. 1 degree in mid-december would be a complete blessing!

typicalyetnot15 0

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Saturday 29 August 2009 1:39

you people know nothing of what winter is! I live in northern Alberta, and November-March it is -40 some winters. And no just because I live in Northern Canada does not mean I live in a danm igloo. I have never seen one before . But really stop complianing get a space heater or something safer and stop whining! LOL

kristinaferens 0

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Monday 22 March 2010 19:43

LOL yea I live in Winnipeg! people complain.. -1 degree in December :( that's swimming weather for most canadians! LOL

Maubinlol 0

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Thursday 16 June 2011 6:47

True that bro! It was snowing in March!

batj03l 0

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Thursday 8 October 2009 22:24

You don't know what winter is right? Where I live,wich is in New Brunswick,Canada we have winters with -40, -1 is REALLY fun to have during winter around here..

Giant85 0

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Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:02

yeah well....I live in Colorado and it snows and it's cold at times so...HA! think you know winters

HamsteronA 0

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Wednesday 20 January 2010 23:31

stop showing off how cold your winter is it's spamming it up and we all know 1 degree isn't cold. STFU

sicpupyz122 0

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Tuesday 9 March 2010 17:35

all u shut up. u guys thinks it's so cool to have -40 degree weather and that-1 is nothing. well u guys won't be so smug wen ops having 80 degrees summer like me and ur summers r 20 degrees. get a life

kristinaferens 0

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Monday 22 March 2010 19:44

do you think we ENJOY -40 weather? no

sunshineegirl 2

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Friday 20 August 2010 2:14

wow 11.. in ND we have 70-100 degree summers and 30 to -60 degree winters. most of the time it's below zero in winter and at least 80 in summer. so stfu.