Miscellaneous: Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the...

By Melie-Melo - United Kingdom

Today, after repairing the toilet, the light, the shower, the cooker and the heater in the flat I've just moved into, my boiler dies. It's mid December, about 1 degree outside. FML

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26029

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Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

Messed up

Sorry…

By sodapants - United States - San Francisco

Today, a man came by with a large drink and sat next to me in the bus terminal. In all his wisdom, he tried setting it between the seats. Naturally, it spilled all over me. I now have to sit with a soaked pair of pants and a wet carry on from Nashville to Atlanta. The bus trip is 5 hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17962

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1182

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting picked up by my dad after I had been swimming. I saw his car, so I walked over to it, got in and started talking about how I'd seen my brother. It wasn't until after I had put my seat belt on that I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20369

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29290

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By Anonymous - United States - Monroe

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

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46075

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3819

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16752

You deserved it

37369

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked out my best friend via facebook graffiti. He then accidentally wrote his rejection as his status instead of on my wall. More people liked his status than the number of friends I have on facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28598

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8673

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By st3phani3b - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I'm stuck at home waiting on a plumber to come fix the flooding in my basement. The flooding happens when any sink, shower, or toilet in the house is used. Today is also the day that I started my period. Without water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2631

You deserved it

209

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By porkeater - United States

Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "my mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43256

You deserved it

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By eeh - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30584

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103245

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By Needasafe1234 - United States

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

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13982

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By Joshua - United States - Weatherford

Today, the woman I have been seeing said she couldn't see a future with me. This was all because I didn't text her back when I fell asleep after working a double night/morning shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13403

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1201

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

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60747

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5002

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By Jojo

Today, after months of planning, my boyfriend told me he's changed his mind and doesn’t want to move with me to where I got a job. Why? He doesn’t want to live that far away from his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1807

You deserved it

246

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By unknown - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26281

You deserved it

3106

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By anonymous - United States - Mundelein

Today, I went to a concert. One of my favorite bands was performing, and I'd had the ticket for seven months, with a great seat for the show. It was all going perfectly, that is until a guy twice my height sat in front of me. FML

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27153

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2194

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By maribel - United States

Today, I got my beautiful daughter ready to be a flower girl for the first time. A flower girl in the wedding of her father, my ex-husband, and the woman he cheated on me with. FML

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51461

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a train when we hit and killed a person. We were stalled for 4 hours. The guy sitting next to me asked what I did for a living, so I told him that I'm a vet tech. Then he showed me his infected elbow. FML

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32335

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By notoneatall - Canada - Oakville

Today, I got called a cunt at work by a customer. What could I have said that could have caused them to say that? "Have a great day." FML

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43573

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By Anonymous - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82240

You deserved it

9797

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38270

You deserved it

2607

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By stepshart - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45878

You deserved it

3041

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By soundbox - United States

Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24407

You deserved it

4669

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By Etown - United States - Evansville

Today, a friend texted me to get a ticket and go to the theme park with her tomorrow. I bought a ticket and didn't hear from her until 5 hrs later to say she was sorry, but she doesn't think she'll be going. It was $65 and non refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2762

You deserved it

292

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By ¬_¬ - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared for a moment, said "Son, I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. FML

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41325

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26532

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By 9gingerface66 - United States

Kinky

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29702

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4640

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By Typicalwhitechick

Today, I finally have a day to go to the library and read for hours. Today is also a playday event for toddlers. In the library. FML

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4629

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507

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Parenting fail

Today, I left the living room for 3 minutes to make a coffee. When I went back, my 4-year old had found a permanent marker, God knows where, since I don't own a permanent marker. She'd then drawn on her face, the carpet, wall, sofa, both dogs and as an added bonus the TV screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1890

You deserved it

497

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By thedancingtit - United States - Eagle River

Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML

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13980

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2320

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By anonynous - United States - Charlotte

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

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28608

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3606

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my teacher was helping me with a problem, the gum he was chewing fell from his mouth and down my shirt. FML

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46841

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By Saraaah - 19/12/2020 02:01

You never know

Today, I'm on a long car trip with a friend who makes fun of my pee breaks every 45 minutes. "Well, are you incontinent? You should wear diapers, otherwise we'll never reach our destination!" What she doesn't know : I have bladder issues, and even if I try not to use them, I do wear diapers. FML

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1191

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By rj93 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

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44301

You deserved it

5828

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By rummaging - United States - Bloomington

Today, my boyfriend found the box of photos I've been saving for my daughter. He was convinced I was pining over her father and emptied the box into the dumpster behind our apartment. I'm still not done digging through the garbage to find the photos from the day my daughter was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18030

You deserved it

1247

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By Innocent - New Zealand

Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21200

You deserved it

1204

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By Anonymous

Today, I stubbed my toe, and as I was hopping about clutching my toe and swearing like a drunken sailor, I turned and saw my boss, our CEO and pretty much the entire board of directors through the boardroom's open door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1388

You deserved it

477

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By stephiew - United States

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27597

You deserved it

2514

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 02:02 - United States - Arlington

Always ask for documentation

Today, the guy I met on Tinder texted me about our date tomorrow. He seemed nervous. I come to find out his mom overheard us talking on the phone and wants to meet me. I said OK, that’s not big deal. That’s when he told me that he’s actually 17. I now hate myself because I’m 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1472

You deserved it

213

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49693

You deserved it

4727

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By Anonymous - Puerto Rico - Arecibo

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. I accidentally reversed while still in the driveway, and I instinctively hit the brakes. In my panic, I accidentally let go of the brakes, and ended up reversing straight into our house, all while my father yelled "NOOOOOO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42656

You deserved it

18757

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By socks - United States

Today, I had to explain to a woman I didn't know that my husband was killed overseas. She replied, "I know exactly how you feel, my dog died last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48727

You deserved it

3333

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By Anonymous - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, my mom and I went to catch our flight to Jamaica. She ended up being detained and questioned, because she packed hairspray, shampoo, drinks, basically half the shit you're not allowed to have in your luggage. We missed our flight. FML

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25212

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2440

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Top comments

By Easy_Target | 0

#6036 - Monday 23 February 2009 23:06

See, this is where you start leaving flaming bags of sh*t in front of your landlady's door.

By littlec_fml | 0

#24607 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:07

wood stove, dude

COMMENTS

By Easy_Target | 0

#6036 - Monday 23 February 2009 23:06

See, this is where you start leaving flaming bags of sh*t in front of your landlady's door.

jimmyismike | 0

#967601 - Thursday 25 March 2010 1:50

penis

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1004705 - Monday 24 May 2010 2:00

poo poo poo

ThirteenThirteen | 27

#6302123 - Tuesday 26 May 2015 17:44

#15 Thank you for your contribution.

By littlec_fml | 0

#24607 - Tuesday 10 March 2009 20:07

wood stove, dude

By lol_seriously | 0

#58399 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 23:20

15 people put "you deserved that one"

I mean seriously what the hell?!

By au_2012 | 0

#91726 - Wednesday 8 April 2009 2:41

thats nuthin..live in nebraska in the dead of winter and then you can complain..or hell come here now! we've got 6" of snow! lol

Gibby_fml | 0

#975062 - Tuesday 6 April 2010 7:14

6 inches of snow is alot?!? I live in the 'great white north' aka Canada. we have 3 feet of snow in one day. suck it up. and, op, suck it up. one degree is warm.

bandgeek1575 | 5

#2147324 - Thursday 3 March 2011 20:58

we got 15' last year. beat that.

TheBigWaffle | 6

#2679369 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 15:09

I got 11 feet last year, so I win

LuxAeterna_fml | 0

#3710661 - Saturday 10 December 2011 10:17

I have 2 feet.

silentbutfunny | 0

#3896988 - Tuesday 17 January 2012 6:10

Thus year we got 2.... "

By ayvada | 0

#190707 - Tuesday 12 May 2009 5:59

Man, you totally can't complain. It's May, and we just had snow.
1 degree in mid-december would be a complete blessing!

By typicalyetnot15 | 0

#523037 - Saturday 29 August 2009 1:39

you people know nothing of what winter is! I live in northern Alberta, and November-March it is -40 some winters. And no just because I live in Northern Canada does not mean I live in a danm igloo. I have never seen one before . But really stop complianing get a space heater or something safer and stop whining! LOL

kristinaferens | 0

#966369 - Monday 22 March 2010 19:43

LOL yea I live in Winnipeg! people complain.. -1 degree in December :(
that's swimming weather for most canadians! LOL

Maubinlol | 0

#2692550 - Thursday 16 June 2011 6:47

True that bro! It was snowing in March!

By batj03l | 0

#610798 - Thursday 8 October 2009 22:24

You don't know what winter is right? Where I live,wich is in New Brunswick,Canada we have winters with -40, -1 is REALLY fun to have during winter around here..

By Giant85 | 0

#785184 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 1:02

yeah well....I live in Colorado and it snows and it's cold at times so...HA! think you know winters

By HamsteronA | 0

#787194 - Wednesday 20 January 2010 23:31

stop showing off how cold your winter is it's spamming it up and we all know 1 degree isn't cold. STFU

sicpupyz122 | 0

#929283 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 17:35

all u shut up. u guys thinks it's so cool to have -40 degree weather and that-1 is nothing. well u guys won't be so smug wen ops having 80 degrees summer like me and ur summers r 20 degrees. get a life

kristinaferens | 0

#966370 - Monday 22 March 2010 19:44

do you think we ENJOY -40 weather? no

sunshineegirl | 2

#1273389 - Friday 20 August 2010 2:14

wow 11.. in ND we have 70-100 degree summers and 30 to -60 degree winters. most of the time it's below zero in winter and at least 80 in summer. so stfu.

By alekss_fml | 0

#792358 - Saturday 23 January 2010 3:29

wow live my life and youll be happy 1de even exists