Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken....

By krt - 3/10/2010 23:29 - United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

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Miscellaneous

Family values

No one likes a smart-ass

Rich people problems

By FromNL - 25/3/2011 12:22 - Netherlands

Today, I got 2 creams for a skin condition. The one for my face says "Don't expose skin to sun after use of this product". The one for the rest of my body says "This product relies on exposure to the sun". In other words, I have to be outside as much as I can, naked and with a box on my head. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2016 15:01

Today, at the funeral home where I work, I asked my boss if it was time to "bring out the stiff". I didn't realize the guy's family was not only in the building, but within earshot as well. FML

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By Kaluhaluha - 25/8/2018 13:00

Today, I came back from a 700-mile round trip. I hit a massive pothole I couldn't avoid and blew out a tire and bent my rim. I was less than a mile from my house. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 08:07 - United States

Today, I went to a very crowded restaurant. Being really shy, I requested to sit in the corner, but instead they placed me in the center of the dinning area. I started to eat my food and got really spaced out. Suddenly I sneeze-farted and everyone turned to look at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

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By jonnah - 5/3/2010 13:06 - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML

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By justhereforlaughs - 12/9/2011 22:32 - United States

Today, while at the beach, my little brother's hat blew off. I chased after it before I completely lost sight and realized I was no match for the wind. I get back and he's wearing the hat. I chased a fucking trash bag for a mile thinking it was his hat. FML

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By female - 31/12/2019 20:00

Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML

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By random - 14/2/2012 18:05 - United States

Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML

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By kennarama - 16/2/2010 16:35 - United States

Today, I sat a client down for his haircut. He pulled off his hat and his hair was dripping wet. I asked him if he had just washed it. He responded, "No, but isn't it a hot day out?" No, it's twenty degrees and overcast today. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 07:23 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

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By PineappleOfMyEye - 24/9/2018 17:30

Today, I work at a general store and a customer came in trying to bargain a set price of an item. The item? A 50 cent candy bar. He wanted it for 34 cents. This is not the first time he's done this. FML

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By yourclotheslookgay - 25/3/2016 16:00 - United Kingdom - Rotherham

Today, my mum visited. Even though I live under my own roof now, I caught her continuing her old habit of throwing out any clothes she thinks make me look "gay". FML

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By Krazydude1000 - 3/1/2020 14:00

My fingernail

Today, I found out that my old DVD player stopped reading my movie disks. I had the dumb idea to stick my finger in there to see what was the problem. I found the problem, and that was that my fingernail wasn't on my finger after that. FML

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By KMKWEEN - 16/2/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was at work. I work at a grocery store and a woman pulls a cart to me filled with chips, breads, lunch meats, and sodas. I said to her "Looks like you are going to have a fun party" she then looks at me and says "My mother just died, this is for after the funeral. FML

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By daisythebunny1988 - 25/3/2020 05:15

Confinement is rough

Today, my mother is snoring so loud that I can still hear her with the door shut and with earplugs in. So much for sleep. FML

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By sadsexer23 - 16/2/2010 03:10 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2020 05:00

Trigger happy

Today, I was shot and arrested for trespassing. I'm a firefighter and I was saving a child. FML

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By #201 - 5/2/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

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By analeis - 25/3/2012 18:04 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I was vomiting after an evening of drinking. My boyfriend was kind enough to hold my hair back while I spewed chunks into the toilet. Apparently he got bored though, because his hands made their way down to my boobs, which he started jiggling while singing Jingle Bells. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2014 15:33 - United States

Today, I was so tired that I fell asleep on a bus. When I awoke suddenly, half of the bus was staring at me, with some people chuckling and smiling. I have no idea what I did. FML

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By Angrily Paranoid - 6/10/2013 05:29 - United States - Seattle

Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML

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By BadLuckCarson - 12/2/2013 05:55 - United States - Muscatine

Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML

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By FMyThroat - 18/1/2013 00:39 - Peru - Lima

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2016 19:46

Today, I got yelled at for not taking an order correctly at work. I've been washing dishes all day and haven't taken a single order. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2020 05:00

Next!

Today, my therapist broke up with me after almost 3 years. I can’t pay people to listen to my problems. FML

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By Username - 15/7/2010 19:53 - France

Today, I went to the dentist. My dentist kept talking to me while his hands were in my mouth. I attempted to tell him that it was difficult and dangerous to respond. My talking made him slip and slice my mouth open with one of his instruments. FML

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By Nick - 8/7/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

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By Jesus - 21/4/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, I was playing guitar on the sidewalk and had my guitar case open for tips. A man came up with a folded piece of green paper, smiled and walked away. After I was finished, I looked at my tips. I unfolded the paper, it was a note that said "You suck!" FML

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By niquey62307 - 8/12/2009 03:36 - United States

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

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By The greatest Illusion ever - 28/10/2013 20:31 - United States

Today, I went to school without any makeup on. The guys who usually compliment me for being pretty are now calling me "The Greatest Illusion Ever". FML

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By KittyKat168 - 9/9/2016 09:34 - Germany

Today, I managed to spill Superglue on the one place you absolutely shouldn't spill Superglue. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 17:37 - United States - Allen

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

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By ButNotBed - 4/11/2018 13:30

Today, I was told to be at a job site bright and early. I woke up and pounded several body smashing drinks to get going. They then called to tell me work was canceled due to weather. It's 0600. I can’t get back to sleep. FML

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By Noname - 9/3/2009 23:36 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting my co-workers son. He was eating jell-o and spilt it on his top, so I pulled off his pj's, and went in his room to grab a new pair. I heard a thunk and ran to find him out cold on the floor. His parents walked in on me trying to wake up their naked 3 year old. FML

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By Jekyll - 6/8/2019 08:00 - United States - Norwell

Today, I decided that after three days, I had to cut short my hiatus from social media. I saw a correlation between that and my anxiety going through the roof, causing my work performance to suffer. I’m so addicted to social media that in my off time, I think I was having withdrawal symptoms. FML

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By fmmmmlll - 12/6/2012 05:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend brought up the time he said he'd love me until the day he died. He continued by saying, "So, let's just pretend I died today." FML

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By Chocolaty - 22/7/2016 00:48 - Australia - Geelong

Today, I spiced things up by lying on the bed and pouring melted white chocolate on myself. I called out to my fiancé to come in. He was 'checking' his favourite scene in Batman vs Superman and couldn't hear me. I was stuck unable to move for ten minutes until he finally heard me. FML

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By nofriends - 19/10/2013 21:57 - United States

Today, we had to give a surprise speech in speech class on two of our best and closest friends. My first friend was my mom. I had to make up the other one. FML

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Top comments

By FYLDeep | 25

#1495718 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:29

Why was it so ugly? Was she making the duck face?

By aznkimmy77 | 0

#1495613 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:19

Burn! xD

Comments

By Jessi2487 | 0

#1495611 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:19

ugly? there's an App for that.

TheTigerRoars | 0

#1495769 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:37

Yes, the app where you can feel sorry about yourself and post it on FML. Beware, these people will only make you feel worse. :D
-Fluffy McTiger

_Damien_ | 0

#1495807 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:40

what the heck is stracted?!? it's definitely spelled scratched**

TheTigerRoars | 0

#1496051 - Monday 4 October 2010 10:09

Oh, poo. My comment didn't show.
Thank you, Mr. Baboon, for finding my typo. My phone likes to change my words. :D
-Fluffy McTiger

LeoFML | 1

#1496070 - Monday 4 October 2010 10:15

I see we don't like to cuss?

TheTigerRoars | 0

#1496154 - Monday 4 October 2010 10:27

Oh, no. We like to. Just the risk of the holy Mods. :D
-Fluffy McTiger

EffinAhole | 0

#1496474 - Monday 4 October 2010 11:44

yeah I received a "warning" in my email to be nice on here. It's pretty funny that a website called FML doesn't like when we use bad language.

coolsteve | 0

#1496527 - Monday 4 October 2010 12:08

The tense shift in this fml really pissed me off.

KingDingALing | 9

#1496560 - Monday 4 October 2010 12:18

YDI for being an asshole, OP.

theian01 | 3

#1497507 - Monday 4 October 2010 16:55

This is horribly written. I don't understand it.

smallsmerry | 0

#1500411 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 4:01

here kitty kitty!!!

soccerbug6 | 0

#1500437 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 4:05

me too

Ben360 | 6

#1500939 - Tuesday 5 October 2010 6:36

Today,I realized I look like my mom. FML

glambert1998 | 0

#1510449 - Thursday 7 October 2010 6:34

LMFAO

By aznkimmy77 | 0

#1495613 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:19

Burn! xD

Bees_fml | 0

#1496975 - Monday 4 October 2010 13:34

But what was it a picture OF??

By meganasoarus | 0

#1495635 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:21

ugly people are supposed to be nice.

ThiszMexicanLove | 0

#1495856 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:44

Why would ugly people be nice if they get made fun of and insulted for BEING UGLY.? You are a dumbasz for believe that bullshit.

Freeze_fml | 16

#1495893 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:47

I love Justin Bieber. Sigh, I wish I could be like Shane Dawson.

kenjiisown | 1

#1496048 - Monday 4 October 2010 10:09

Nah, she's just a Mexican.

FFML_314 | 11

#1496078 - Monday 4 October 2010 10:18

Freeze said "What's the difference?"

MissGrinch | 4

#1496084 - Monday 4 October 2010 10:18

26, that was uncalled for.

kenjiisown | 1

#1496136 - Monday 4 October 2010 10:24

Meh. It was worth it, though. I could have easily said "nah, she's just 15 years old." Using her ethnicity is more funny.

Freeze_fml | 16

#1496178 - Monday 4 October 2010 10:32

Dammit Darren.

InDenial | 6

#1496591 - Monday 4 October 2010 12:26

20, do you think it's 'cool' to add a 'z' on the end of words? It makes YOU look like a dumbass.

Amz Iz Coolz nowz cozz iz talkz likez thisz?

meganasoarus | 0

#1497539 - Monday 4 October 2010 17:15

are you speaking from experience?
they're supposed to be nice because that's the only thing going for them. you'd do well to take that advice. ;)

By aznkimmy77 | 0

#1495659 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:23

Beep Boop Beep Boopity Beep.

BahahahLOL | 0

#1496130 - Monday 4 October 2010 10:23

IM THE SCATMAN!

By Rokksteady | 3

#1495678 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:25

I bet you felt kinda stupid?

By MissGrinch | 4

#1495680 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:25

How does it feel showing the photo to her laughter?

By Shookitup | 0

#1495685 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:26

The apple never falls too far from the tree :)

By fernandita91 | 0

#1495698 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:27

lol like mother...

By FYLDeep | 25

#1495718 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:29

Why was it so ugly? Was she making the duck face?

MissErikaHart | 0

#1495826 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:41

I hate those

By AustinEnsley | 0

#1495747 - Monday 4 October 2010 9:34

ahw im sry