The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year

The all-time greatest FMLs

Beat it

By Morrowindwhore - 10/08/2009 22:22 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 955

You deserved it 68 073

By Anonymous - 31/12/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to the DMV to take my drivers test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 955

You deserved it 9 643

By deathbysnoosnoo - 24/11/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, while showing my art work at a festival, a very old cougar walked up to me and asked if I wanted to hook up later. After refusing more than one time, the woman walked away with my business card. I've been getting emails with naked pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 953

You deserved it 5 603

By CaptainSaveAHoe - 11/09/2012 00:42 - United States - Manteca

Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 952

You deserved it 2 652

CaptainSaveAHoe tells us more.

CaptainSaveAHoe 11

Wednesday 12 September 2012 2:11

so I planned for her to slip so I could mug her? the amount of logic in this comment is astounding.

By fatguyinalittlecoat - 08/12/2009 19:09 - United States

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 951

You deserved it 5 294

By anonymous - 07/08/2012 03:08 - Australia

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 950

You deserved it 8 201

By akimbojuju - 22/06/2015 15:12 - United States

Today, my pinky finger found out how much a king size bed weighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 947

You deserved it 2 899

By Anonymous - 14/08/2012 18:12 - United States - San Jacinto

Today, it's garbage day. My mom accidentally threw away a receipt she needed to return something and told me to go get it. While I was looking for it, a cop gave me hell for "stealing recyclables on private property." This all happened in my front lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 946

You deserved it 1 932

By Username - 08/01/2011 07:01 - United States

Today, I got to listen to my younger brother have sex with a girl while I sat in my room playing World of Warcraft on a Friday night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 944

You deserved it 44 411

By dragynfyre - 06/03/2012 05:37 - United States

Today, my boss called me out for a drug test. His reason was because my eyes are puffy and bloodshot, making me look high. I've been suffering from allergies all week, but still had to pee in a cup in front of a complete stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 944

You deserved it 2 136

It's not a prank, bro!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at volleyball tryouts when I accidentally spiked the ball into the fire alarm. The fire fighters did not look happy when they found out what had happened. So much for being on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 944

You deserved it 3 828

By NocturnalFox - 25/08/2015 19:46 - Czech Republic - Plzen

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Right before the date, I noticed a monstrous pimple in the middle of my forehead. I covered it with make-up, but it was still visible. The guy spent the whole evening laughing at me and telling me that I look like an unicorn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 944

You deserved it 2 211

Cherry on top

By thetallone - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would've run that one over." Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 942

You deserved it 2 750

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 16:42 - United States

Today, I gave my two weeks notice at work. My boss sighed with relief and muttered, "Thank God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 940

You deserved it 6 390

By clitty clitty bang bang - 13/04/2012 22:40 - United States - Brownsville

Today, after two years of vigorously fundraising on behalf of my senior class, they voted on spending the senior trip money at a waterpark. It's less than thirty minutes from where we all live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 940

You deserved it 2 913

By what the actual fuck - 11/08/2012 16:38 - United States - Puyallup

Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 937

You deserved it 4 080

Inappropriate

By elcee1987 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. Now my niece won't stop making the same hand gesture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 936

You deserved it 2 493

By Anonymouse - 07/11/2015 02:03

Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 936

You deserved it 2 174

By disgusted - 13/12/2015 07:45 - United States - Logan

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 935

You deserved it 3 341

By anonymous001 - 08/01/2013 19:58 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 935

You deserved it 68 932

By Authentik8 - 16/09/2011 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 934

You deserved it 2 235

Survivor

By whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 934

You deserved it 2 686

By dearbailee - 18/09/2012 14:04 - United States

Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 932

You deserved it 4 115

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 10:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I was accused of shop-lifting by an old lady in a supermarket. Having proven myself innocent, I tried to storm off to show my displeasure at the situation. In my haste to make a dramatic exit, I tried to go out of the entrance and walked straight into the automatic door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 930

You deserved it 13 450

By Blondegirl - 07/11/2009 12:55 - United States

Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 930

You deserved it 5 331

By foxyreegan - 04/02/2012 05:22 - United States

Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 929

You deserved it 3 419

Practical

By Abused - 13/10/2010 08:36 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend used my love handles as ACTUAL love handles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 927

You deserved it 20 165

This doesn't feel nice

By feelthesting - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Aguascalientes

Today, I found out that my "mosquito bite" was in fact a jellyfish sting I got in Mexico, which has caused me to break out into horrendous hives in the airport waiting for the flight home. It's okay though, the plane is only delayed for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 924

You deserved it 1 903

By Username - 13/02/2012 21:31 - India

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 924

You deserved it 4 806

By PurpleSloth - 15/02/2013 13:57 - United States - Tracy

Today, I realized that without my birth control pills, I would have no idea what day it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 922

You deserved it 16 090

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Awkward Tinder Miscellaneous Work Messy School Kids Health Dentist Gross Technology Family Cheating Weird Childfree Annoying Funerals Coworkers Jealousy Grandparents Mental health Covid Paranoia Coronavirus Cute Sports Relatable Moving home

The Top

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 279

You deserved it 62 432

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 281

You deserved it 4 568

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 301

You deserved it 20 816

Today, I went to my cousin’s wedding and started tearing up during the vows. I reached into my purse for a tissue but accidentally pulled out a tampon, which flew across the aisle and landed right between the bride and groom. It's probably going to make it into the wedding video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 289

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 043

You deserved it 3 712

Today, I was considering joining the army, so I asked my veteran uncle what the worst bits are. He told me the worst was learning for yourself just how horrible it is to see the light go out behind someone’s eyes as they die with your bullet in their chest. I don’t want to join the army anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 1 307