Animals: Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more... - FML

By Skoff - 23/07/2015 09:44 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 041

You deserved it 2 919

Walk on the wild side

And today, on Dr Phil…

Taking stock

By captainocd - 19/08/2010 19:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 625

You deserved it 84 765

By Anonymous - 15/11/2017 15:00

Today, the two government buildings on either side of my apartment both started renovations. It will be about two months of constant banging as they cut and put up the steel on both sites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 441

You deserved it 239

By thekriss - 23/08/2012 20:28 - France - Paris

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 852

You deserved it 12 056

By Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood - 09/12/2013 05:52 - United States - West Bend

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 677

You deserved it 7 880

By photoman - 14/07/2014 09:31 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 709

You deserved it 6 063

By Anonymous - 09/12/2013 22:41 - United States - Lihue

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm beautiful. Before I could thank him, he continued, "Too bad it takes a shit-load of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 696

You deserved it 7 710

By blind_loser - 12/07/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, my best guy friend set me up on a blind date. Almost immediately after the guy and I sat down, he excused himself to make a call. A couple of feet away from our table, I heard him say, "Come on, Justin, this is the best you could do??" Over the phone. Justin is the guy who set us up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 621

You deserved it 3 298

By Crud - 06/02/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 882

You deserved it 2 878

By pigtails - 16/01/2013 12:21 - United Kingdom - Thetford

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 352

You deserved it 3 218

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 13:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my boyfriends birthday and I saw he was logged in on ooVoo. He sent me a request to video chat so I decided to take off all of my clothes to surprise him. Little did I know, his entire family was at his house and at the computer because he, "wanted to show them what a great girlfriend I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 088

You deserved it 75 557

By MissAnonymous93 - 14/05/2016 15:32 - South Africa

Today, I got my tonsils removed. My body also agreed that today was a good day to get a bad cough. My bed currently looks like a scene out of "Dexter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 266

You deserved it 743

Irony failure

By alcoholic - 31/10/2009 14:30 - Estonia

Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 806

You deserved it 51 558

Woof woof

By kjdhfakjs - 20/05/2010 18:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 327

You deserved it 6 674

Not gonna happen

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, my wife and I are supposed to be trying for another baby. We've tried once in the last 7 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 16:29

Today, I dyed my hair for the first time. It turned out great, and I couldn't wait to show it off during my night out with my friends. Everyone was so shocked or disgusted, I ended up claiming I lost a bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 374

You deserved it 1 823

By pea - 12/09/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 321

You deserved it 3 008

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 399

You deserved it 2 230

By theRoomie - 02/11/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 721

You deserved it 2 821

By Anonymous - 13/05/2015 03:19 - United States - Seattle

Today, a while after finishing and uploading a task, I looked at my peers' work to make sure I hadn't missed anything in mine. One of them had gotten the same idea and had decided to incorporate part of my work into his. "Part" as in "all". "All" as in all of his work is also all of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 354

You deserved it 2 506

By nullpointer - 03/08/2016 04:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I farted so loud that my cat thought that I was growling at him, and bit me in self-defense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 728

You deserved it 1 946

By Anonymous - 19/09/2018 22:15

Today, I was flirting with a guy and we ended up having a deep conversation through text. We were talking all our problems, and saying really sweet things to each other. I THOUGHT he was going to say something else really sweet and cute. He linked me to Suicide Hotline instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 850

You deserved it 508

By Anonymous - 16/12/2011 14:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the doctor's thinking I had a UTI. Turns out I have an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 119

You deserved it 39 996

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 12:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to spend £200 at the dentist for fillings and repairs to my teeth. Why do I need them? Because I'm stressed about money and grind my teeth in the night because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 016

You deserved it 4 564

By icarlymom - 05/03/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, my 18 year old daughter comes home telling me she has been fired from her job at McDonalds. The reason? They had ICarly happy meal toys and she couldn't resist stealing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 528

You deserved it 5 379

By notagoodsign - 28/02/2011 10:55 - Netherlands

Today, while watching Animal Planet, I realised my boyfriend uses the Dog Whisperer techniques on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 635

You deserved it 9 311

By 205 - 13/11/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, after getting my car completely fixed after it being damaged for a year, I was driving and the entire side panel on the car fell off. The repair man forgot to put the screws back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 681

You deserved it 2 141

By shopper242 - 22/11/2010 12:29 - France

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend compared my orgasm to that of a beached sea turtle. He demonstrated what he meant in front of all our friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 752

You deserved it 4 074

By foreveralone - 24/09/2012 23:12 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Spicy

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 719

You deserved it 23 375

By Rye - 19/02/2009 03:51 - United States

Today, I let my friend cut my hair and after a few minutes, she looked at what she had done and then she ran out of the room, laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 746

You deserved it 17 130

By Anonymous - 02/11/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 192

You deserved it 281

By Anonymous - 14/10/2011 06:42 - United States

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 949

You deserved it 3 395

By BrokeBride - 14/08/2014 07:15 - United States - Hudson

Today, I asked for time off from work for my wedding and honeymoon. A grand total of three days. My boss made a face like he'd sucked on rancid toes and asked me if I was stupid. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 366

You deserved it 3 318

Authentification required

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 10:01

Today, after registering my cellphone as my secondary authentication device for my campus account, it died for good. Despite still being logged in, most of my college's services are now locked behind a code sent to my unresponsive phone, including the ability to register any new authentication devices. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 105

By touristtraphotel - 11/08/2016 18:58 - Puerto Rico

Today, my former boss is threatening to keep my last paycheck until I return a skateboard that a guest forgot at the hotel about a month ago. She was the one who gave me the order to put it in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 802

You deserved it 835

By Eli123 - 01/05/2009 00:52 - United States

Today, I decided to run outside. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he replied You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 472

You deserved it 51 733

Asshat

By Vivi - 14/07/2021 18:01

Spicy

Today, my soon-to-be-ex-husband decided to bring our four kids over to tell them we were splitting up, and to make them choose who they want to live with, because "Mommy’s been a nagging bitch." He left out that the "nagging bitch" caught him having an affair the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 766

You deserved it 130

By Overprotected - 19/06/2013 14:39 - United States

Today, my parents decided they are going to come with me on my first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 415

You deserved it 4 627

By John-John - 06/03/2017 15:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, I got break-up text. She called me a poor, broke, little dick, sorry excuse for a man and said that my mom should have swallowed me "as an egg". She also said that no one could ever want me. Thing is, I haven't had a girlfriend in 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 819

You deserved it 427

By ItSucks - 01/01/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I was with my boyfriend of two months, hoping this would be our night of the first kiss. I was so excited when the ball started to drop. When it hit "0", I turned to him, hoping for a kiss, and saw him making out with another girl. He didn't even turn around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 754

You deserved it 7 529

Eggs

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 23:01

Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 80

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Thursday 23 July 2015 18:59

Well it looks like your only option is to burn it.

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:02

Straya spiders. Pretty soon the whole damn place is gonna be one big spider web.

Comments

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Thursday 23 July 2015 18:59

Well it looks like your only option is to burn it.

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:00

agreed. burn it to the ground...fast

beeneatenalive 12

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:09

Perhaps hairspray and a lighter if you don't want to spend extra money.

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:10

im not sure it was emphasised enough.*clears throat* BURN THAT YARD DOWN!

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:20

NAPALM! That's the only solution!

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Thursday 23 July 2015 21:21

She lives in Australia. If she burned the yard, she'd probably cause a brush fire and get in trouble for it. Don't they have insecticide in Australia or is that illegal?

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Thursday 23 July 2015 21:21

Napalm can't kill that shit. Nukes are your only option.

SkylineFTW97 25

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Thursday 23 July 2015 23:14

Damn straight. I suggest doing it from orbit just to be safe.

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Friday 24 July 2015 9:08

Na just throw the whole planet into the sun. Can't let a single one of these critters escapes.

Futacy 29

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Friday 24 July 2015 20:30

I almost said "suck it up" but then I realized OP's from Aussieland. Your backyard is theirs now.

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:00

That's a big NOPE!

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Friday 24 July 2015 3:33

I'd like to board the next NOPE train to FUCKTHATville.

clemsi 20

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Friday 24 July 2015 11:25

Welcome aboard the NOPE train. We hope your traveling experience with us is a pleasant one. We will be departing shortly with stops at SCREWTHIScity, OhHELLNOberg, and our final destination FUCKTHATville.

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:01

Oh God..it's started!

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:02

First time I've seen an FML with NO YDI votes... Though really, who DOES deserve that?

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:04

Give it time..

PhinIt2WinIt 24

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Thursday 23 July 2015 20:23

I bet they say that he deserves it either for the badge or the fact he is too much of a wuss to deal with it/doesn't feel like using money to deal with it.

Arwen_Evenstar 37

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Thursday 23 July 2015 20:29

I think people from countries with only harmless spiders may say YDI. I did think that it was a bit cowardly until I considered it's a country full of spiders who can kill you.

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Thursday 23 July 2015 20:59

its literally just like 10,000 of those bird eating spiders hanging out in his back yard

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:02

Straya spiders. Pretty soon the whole damn place is gonna be one big spider web.

YourOpinionSucks 22

Send a private message

Thursday 23 July 2015 23:25

You have to get crafty with those mother fuckers. They have health bars, and in some cases they even have mana bars.

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Friday 24 July 2015 1:26

Your brother was a soldier...

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Friday 24 July 2015 3:11

Your mother was a hamster...

trollcrusher 17

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Friday 24 July 2015 4:02

And your father smelt of elderberries.

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Friday 24 July 2015 7:23

I don't get any of these references aside from the first one. Lmao. Can anybody explain?

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Friday 24 July 2015 8:09

Monty Python... Holy Grail. I understood those, but not the first one! :)

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Friday 24 July 2015 10:51

The only thing I remember from that movie is the flesh-wound bit and the evil bunny. The HP/mana thing is just a gamer reference.

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:04

Reminds me of when we would get these huuuge spiders outside our house and my brother would take his BB gun to them..

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:05

The apocalypse has truly begun, they've started to take control!

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:06

You can't nope much harder than that.

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:07

you made a very wise desision

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Thursday 23 July 2015 19:09

BURN THOSE MOTHAFUKAS bold head style

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 15

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 668

You deserved it 147

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 101