Treat yourself

By PoorAndHungry - 10/07/2022 18:00

Today, strapped for money, I asked one of my good friends to loan me some. She said no, because she’s broke herself. I later see her checked in on NOBU, a high class, expensive restaurant, on Facebook and she’d bought a new designer purse and shoes with the hashtag #TreatYourself. FML
I agree, your life sucks 525
You deserved it 1 825

Same thing different taste

Top comments

The unspoken rule of thumb is if you lend money, expect to not see it again. She may not have trusted you to pay it back. "I don't have it" is usually easier to take then "I don't trust you."

She could just be running up her credit cards. Anyways, borrowing money from friends is a surer way of losing them than resenting them for splurging on themselves.

Comments

I understand all the ydi votes, the friend has absolutely no obligation to lend money, but there is an actual FML in that the friend lied. There is no shame in asking for help if you’re struggling, and also no shame in saying no. But lying about why you’re saying no? Not ideal.

Do realize that she put the friend in a super-difficult spot. It’s kind of like break-ups. There are a lot of lies people say to be “kind.” Things like “it’s not you, it’s me” (it’s really you) or “I’m just not looking for a relationship right now” (at least not with you.) This is similar. I assume it’s a case of “I don’t think you’ll pay me back,” or “you never paid me back in the past,” but if they’re blunt about it, it will be a problem.

Exactly. The true FML/YDI question is why your friend for a second worried you wouldn't pay them back. If you've given them any reason to believe you might not, then that's on you.

That's a big assumption to make. There's no way to know if the OP has issues with paying back money. Maybe they borrow money all the time and never pay it back, or maybe they've never asked for money before and hoped that a better off friend might be willing to help out. Either way, the "white lie" culture perpetuates a lot of interpersonal issues that don't have to exist if people were just willing to be both honest (which is different from blunt) and understanding. Furthermore, the friend who declined to lend money didn't HAVE to say why. If OP pressed for a reason, then yes, it is somewhat on them, but only partially. I know I would rather have a friend tell me the real reason for something than lie to spare my feelings. How else am I going to improve as a person and as a friend?

You have a point about the white lie culture. But as for loaning money it may not even be that individual. If a friend asks to loan money I just expect that they won’t pay it back, and that I’m never seeing it again, because in general that’s what happens. The friend wanting to avoid conflict by lying rather than being direct about her reasons isn’t gray for the relationship, even without getting caught in the lie, but it’s understandable. OP getting frustrated seems more about the money than anything though.

The unspoken rule of thumb is if you lend money, expect to not see it again. She may not have trusted you to pay it back. "I don't have it" is usually easier to take then "I don't trust you."

She could just be running up her credit cards. Anyways, borrowing money from friends is a surer way of losing them than resenting them for splurging on themselves.

wrenavery90 12

No one should ever lend a friend money. Ever. Period. And she's free to spend her money however she pleases.

She can spend her money as she pleases, but if she is going to refuse to lend money she should at least be honest about it.