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The all-time greatest FMLs

Modesty

By Prudemama - 09/07/2022 10:00

Today, I found out that my 11 year-old daughter dresses skimpy when I drop her off on the weekends at my ex-husband’s house, courtesy of his girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. When I confronted her, she told me to “stop being such a prude” and with my attitude, “no wonder you get cheated on.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 190

Empathy is a hell of a drug

By UmOk - 01/05/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I ran into my former therapist. Still confused by her last email, I asked what she needed to "protect herself" from. She said she needed to protect herself from feeling sad and worrying that I'd get beaten up. I'm afraid I now understand why this country is so messed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 139

Bad vibes

By Anonymous - 03/11/2022 16:00

Today, a guy I went on a few dates with and was looking forward to seeing again this Wednesday told me he is not sure he sees this going anywhere. This always happens and I have no idea what I am doing wrong. I have lost hope in finding a boyfriend ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 194

Hangry boi

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 14:00

Today, thanks to my wife’s obsession with expensive foods like chutney, relishes, exotic spices, and preserved foreign vegetables and herbs, I'm literally staring into a fridge full of glass jars, with a door that barely stays closed, and yet has nothing inside suitable to eat for my dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 227

Freud intensifies

By Anonymous - 13/04/2022 12:00

Today, I’ve been writing a novel, so I had my brother read it. He pointed out that the heroine's lover, who she hates most of the time but has hot nasty sex with, pretty much describes our dad. I based the heroine on me, so now I want to be sick every time I read the sex scenes I wrote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 555

Communication Breakdown

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 17:00

Today, I just called my now ex-girlfriend to break up with her, due to our insurmountable lack of communication, even though I was in therapy for four months to try and keep the relationship afloat. Before breaking up, she'd blocked me on Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Instagram for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 188

Primitive art

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 00:30

Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 303

Food for thought

By snowiewind - 01/10/2022 03:59 - Japan - Osaka

Today, I had a bacterial infection in my intestines. Doctors suggested I wash my intestines, but apparently forgot to tell me I couldn't eat before the procedure. I don't know what's worse, the fact that the whole room right now smells like rancid fried chicken, or the fact that the doctors were just talking about going to Popeyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 261

The proof is in the pudding

By Anonymous - 15/10/2021 23:00 - Estonia

Today, I unintentionally came out as bi to my boss. He said he's fine with it and doesn't care either way, only that there is too much "gay propaganda" in the world and it shouldn't be shown and talked about so much. He also doesn't understand why I was reluctant to talk about my sexuality before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 472

Storage wars

By Alyssa K Scheiber - 26/04/2021 02:00

Today, my boyfriend of almost 5 years told me that his reason for staying with me is because he doesn't want to go through our storage unit to decide who would get what. We've had the storage unit for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 122

Mirror, mirror

By Zubat - 15/07/2021 22:01

Today, my boss confided that he doesn't like having interns in the workplace, because he finds it insulting that someone who hasn't finished their education can do our jobs. My boss frequently brags about being a high school dropout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 98

Get vaccinated, you doofuses

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 14:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came into town for the weekend. A proof of vaccination card to enter non-essential businesses also started. My dear boyfriend refuses to sign up for the card. Guess our nights out will be grocery shopping and him waiting outside while I shop anywhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 387

For science

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 17:30

Today, two of my coworkers broke the dishwasher. They ran a fully cooked rotisserie chicken through it multiple times until the meat disintegrated off its bones, just to 'see what would happen'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 112

Kids can be a dealbreaker

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 12:00

Today, the new guy at work who’s been flirting with me outrageously found out I’m newly-divorced, with a baby daughter. He ghosted me so fast and started outrageously flirting with someone else in our office, who by the way he checked to make sure she doesn’t have kids first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 354

Good boy

By Anonymous - 06/04/2021 11:00 - Germany - Papenburg

Today, I realized my boyfriend rather qualifies as a pet: He loves eating, he hardly ever talks or listens, but he is cuddly, always enjoys having me around and can – within limits - be trained to do useful things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 293

Spooky season

By fishyrael - 13/10/2022 06:00 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I took a nap before work. I had a harrowing nightmare in which I was chased by a murderer and the ghosts of his victims at my job. I then woke up to go to work, where I work the night shift, completely alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 131

Morning surprise

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 04:00 - Canada - Thunder Bay

Today, I woke up and got ready for class. I let the dogs outside while I got ready, then brought them back in. As I was putting my shoes on, I felt something warm and mushy. One of my dogs had pooped in my shoe right as I was leaving. I missed the city bus and was late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 197

Casual ableism

By CrippledFatty - 01/11/2022 06:00 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was yet again chastised for using a wheelchair, since, "Obesity isn't a disability." I'm 46 with lipedema, and lost my ability to walk 13 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 171

He's a keeper

By Anonymous - 07/12/2022 00:00

Today, I met my ex, who told me he had something very important to tell me. I thought he was about to tell me that his girlfriend is pregnant (a fact I already knew). He told me that he still loves me and he'd never stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 139

Easy life

By Anonymous - 29/08/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend is sulking because he actually thought two weeks paternity leave was going to be our new baby sleeping 18 hours a day while he played his Xbox, and get paid not to go to work every day. He was wrong, it’s been three days, and he’s exhausted already and whining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 257

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 23:01

Today, after years of not meeting my partner's family, along with the new arrival of our daughter, we decided to travel to meet them all and introduce our bundle of joy. Instead of the usual welcoming committee, all they could go on about was whether or not my daughter was his because of how fair toned she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 151

Different roads

By sabrina k - 29/01/2022 23:01

Today, the professionally-installed sex swing ceiling mount my husband insisted on, but never lasted long enough to make use of, was converted into a baby suspension swing for our toddler. He was right about it, but I still can’t admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 336

Halitosis

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out when I asked him to go brush his teeth, since his breath stank. He went back to playing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 295

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 450

Upper middle class issues

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 02:00

Today, I was delivering the HiLux my dad bought for my brother's birthday. At a red light, my bitter ex-girlfriend saw me and threw a roadworks sign at me, breaking the driver's side window. My brother insists I probably did it myself out of jealousy, so our dad is making me pay for the repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 156

Traditions, eh?

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 10:00 - Albania

Today, my boyfriend and I are Balkans (Albanian to be more specific) and him, his dad, and my dad went out for coffee to talk. I found out afterwards that my dad had accepted my hand in engagement without talking to me about it. I've only been dating him for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 118

Out in the sticks

By Anonymous - 25/07/2022 18:00 - France

Today, after years of restless sleep in a noisy city, I finally moved to a very quiet place. So quiet that I realized I have tinnitus. I need to play background noise to cover it, so I can manage to get some sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 110

Awkward

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 14:02

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 333

It's not a phase, Mom!

By worried mama - 31/12/2023 20:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, my daughter, who is going through a vegan phase, pulled the plug for our garage chest freezer, where we store our meat. That's $1200 of meat, rotten. My husband is so mad that he's been at the gym for six hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 176

Take your medication

By my brain sucks! - 10/03/2022 22:00

Today, I’ve been getting my ass handed to me by my anxiety for nearly a year. I talked to my doctor about starting meds. I got so terrified of the possible side effects that I not only had an anxiety attack, I also had a panic attack. I still couldn’t bring myself to take the pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 258

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The Top

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decided to tell me this while we were laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 253

You deserved it 1 232

Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 449

You deserved it 3 630

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 388

You deserved it 2 590

Today, I was feeling a bit randy, so when my boyfriend got home, I jumped on him and gave him a proper deep-tongue kiss. I noticed he tasted a bit weird, so I asked him when he last brushed his teeth. His answer: the day we had dinner with his mother. That was two weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 821

You deserved it 547

Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 2 521

Today, my wife told me she is no longer sexually attracted to me. She also can’t understand why I still don’t want to go on her 35th birthday trip to London. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 214