Work, Spiders and Scary: Been here long? - FML

Been here long?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 14:00

Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 144

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 698

You deserved it 2 513

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 284

You deserved it 14 256

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 314

You deserved it 7 643

By HighasaCloud - 10/12/2016 02:38

Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 631

You deserved it 765

By terrified - 09/08/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 406

You deserved it 2 444

Adapt, improvise, overcome

By Arthur B. - 24/09/2019 12:01

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 456

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 141

You deserved it 4 016

By eebie jeebies - 30/05/2016 15:31 - United States - Cypress

Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 480

You deserved it 3 176

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 316

Nope.

By Just Set Me On Fire - 13/09/2017 23:15

Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 069

You deserved it 216

Next

Top comments

spinningrecords 14

Friday 14 October 2022 14:17

You may want to step up your activity level a bit.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Friday 14 October 2022 15:05

Queue the "Spider-Man" theme music.

Comments

spinningrecords 14

Friday 14 October 2022 14:17

You may want to step up your activity level a bit.

SirEnigM0nk 22

Friday 14 October 2022 15:05

Queue the "Spider-Man" theme music.

RichardPencil 30

Friday 14 October 2022 15:25

So, you are both surfing the web?

JasonThorn 19

Friday 14 October 2022 16:06

One is surfing the web, the other is webbing the surfer.

RichardPencil 30

Friday 14 October 2022 19:37

Good one! That's like the one about the tribe of Pygmies and a girls' track team.

hellowdodohead 12

Saturday 15 October 2022 0:08

So you’re a Disney princess!

Keywords

Relatable Public freakouts Health Music Scams Geek Poopoo peepee Awkward Jewelry Bikes Transportation Cops Kids Fight Family AITA Mother in law Miscellaneous Relationship advice Social Media Love Art Work Students Sleep Noise Animals Birds Mental health Medication

The Top

Today, it's been a week since my mother died. She had no life insurance and was over $20,000 in debt, plus her hospital/funeral bills. My father wants nothing to do with me as she was a one night stand and he never paid child support. I'm behind on rent and bills because I'm injured from work. Thanks for nothing, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 143

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 270

The Top

Today, I’m working in Germany. I told my German colleagues that the most beautiful ballet that I attended in my life was The Swan Lake, "der Schwanzsee". Except that swan in German is "Schwan" and not "Schwanz". For them, I’m now a big fan of the Penis Lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 142

Today, I woke myself up by pinching my nipple between my elbow and the bed. This isn’t the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 62

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouted, "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 380

You deserved it 3 837

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 653

You deserved it 3 169

Today, I wanted to get my mind off my ex, so like any other guy I decided to watch some porn and jack it. I see one video with a familiar looking room so I click on it. Guess who I saw getting it from some dude? So much for forgetting about my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 452

You deserved it 592

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 168

You deserved it 3 036