Kids and Family: Are you sure?

Are you sure?

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 11:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I sent a picture of my two little nephews to my friends, who now keep telling me how my older nephew looks exactly like me. They’re starting to make awkward statements such as, “Are you sure you didn’t have sex with your sister in-law?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 92

Kids Family

Another great day to be alive

Empathy lives

Sorry…

By Anonymous - 26/12/2013 17:27 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 531

You deserved it 5 787

By SwinginSolo - 26/03/2013 12:07 - United States

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 589

You deserved it 7 164

By tortured - 27/11/2013 03:11 - United States

Today, my coworkers were bored. To solve this, they taped me to a chair and tried tickling me to death. My boss joined in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 178

You deserved it 4 565

Not digging for gold

By metroido - 10/11/2021 02:00

Today, my mom asked me, “Why in the world are you attracted to your boyfriend AT ALL if he isn’t rich?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 80

By Anonymous - 05/07/2015 19:20 - United States - Silverdale

Today, I went to a restaurant and asked for vegetarian options. They told me, "We have a chicken Caesar salad, will that work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 211

You deserved it 6 948

By Liz - 09/06/2011 04:21 - United States

Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 177

You deserved it 42 499

By princess - 08/09/2018 13:00

Today, I accidentally touched a hot pan and, like any normal person would, jerked my hand back. My mom saw, yelled at me for being a "prissy princess" and then proceeded to stick her whole hand on the hot pan for a full 5 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 900

You deserved it 355

By GhettoBeast - 08/09/2009 04:42 - New Zealand

Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 776

You deserved it 15 578

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 125

You deserved it 52 302

By Totallyscrewed - 10/02/2013 05:17 - United States - Stroudsburg

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 426

You deserved it 3 646

By Anonymous - 09/08/2014 03:19 - United States - Scottsbluff

Today, my girlfriend and I tried out a website where you upload pictures of two people, and it shows you what their future children might look like. She actually started crying because the kid we were shown wasn't cute enough for her liking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 275

You deserved it 4 406

BURN

By Anonymous - 14/01/2018 15:00

Today, at work, I cashed out a sweet old lady. As I handed her the bag, she looked at me kindly and said, "Don’t worry sweetie. It'll get better," to which I responded, "What will get better?" She smiled at me and said, "Your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 683

You deserved it 352

By SeagullsShouldDie - 28/08/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, was my uncle's funeral. He was cremated, and his wish was to have his ashes spread into the sea. As we were waiting for the waves to come and take him away, a group of seagulls came by picking at all his ashes. I guess he tasted good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 081

You deserved it 3 363

By loner - 31/05/2011 05:50 - Australia

Today, I read my university's newsletter. Apparently we're starting up a "buddy" system for international students. I'm signing up, because this will help me complete my goal of making my first friend at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 952

You deserved it 5 657

By hopeless - 06/07/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend got a job was so that he could buy weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 783

You deserved it 6 986

Oops...

By the other woman - 26/06/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that the guy I lost my virginity to a few months ago was in a relationship the whole time. How did I find out? His now ex-girlfriend called to yell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 010

You deserved it 485

By ineedalife - 02/02/2013 12:08 - Australia

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 444

You deserved it 22 379

By Anonymous - 22/05/2015 18:17 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I checked my son's browser history, as he's been acting strangely around his computer recently. I found several bizarre Google searches, including but not limited to: "unicorn dick-farts", "sharting kittens", and "can you get AIDS from Asians?" What the fuck is wrong with him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 249

You deserved it 5 093

By nottananny - 21/07/2009 08:49 - United States

Today, I realized why I was hired to be a nanny. Apparently the husband had eyes for the last nanny. According to the wife I am not attractive enough to be a threat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 604

You deserved it 3 509

By name50 - 07/02/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 595

You deserved it 73 922

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 07:27 - United States

Today, I pulled over to help an attractive girl on the highway in the middle of nowhere. When I asked if she needed help she told me she was going to try starting her car one more time. She then started to make fake engine noises and told me that she was good to go and that I should be on my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 334

You deserved it 5 978

By PissOffPottermore - 13/09/2012 14:31 - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 114

You deserved it 4 485

By suspicious - 05/07/2013 02:26 - United States

Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 090

You deserved it 2 937

He does have a point

By Ksweety_fml - 05/10/2019 14:00

Today, I texted someone and typed, "lol". My boyfriend asked me why I put "lol". I told him because I thought it was funny. He looked at me weird and said, "But you didn't laugh." Now he thinks I'm weird because I didn't actually laugh out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 447

By MickeyDManager - 03/08/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I tutored in high school in basic ENGLISH just received her PhD in Biophysics. I am now the manager of a McDonald's. I was also the Valedictorian of our graduating class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 592

You deserved it 39 109

By Anonymous - 20/02/2015 01:46 - United States - Lebanon

Today, my mother moved in to my 2-bedroom apartment with me. She brought her boyfriend, 4 chihuahuas, and 2 birds with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 784

You deserved it 5 081

By scorned_jacketless_lady - 26/08/2013 04:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 258

You deserved it 16 545

By divorced - 19/08/2010 10:01 - United States

Today, my wife put divorce papers in my birthday card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 679

You deserved it 4 550

By DarrenP - 03/08/2019 22:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I got a burn on my foot from a Pot Noodle I didn't even want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 140

By Schubey - 20/05/2012 02:04 - Canada - North Bay

Today, it was my birthday, and I woke up to my dad telling me that we're going to Disneyland. Apparently, by "we" he meant him and my mom. They did, however, make a point to say "happy birthday" before they left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 001

You deserved it 2 050

By rock'n roller - 03/12/2013 03:42

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 593

You deserved it 6 444

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 17:36 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I went to break up with my psychotic bitch of a girlfriend after months of abuse. When she opened the door, her 5-year-old son ran up to me, smiling and calling me "DADDY!" for the first time. Now I don't have the heart to dump the psycho and devastate her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 881

You deserved it 6 095

Take it easy

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 11:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, despite my muscles being just fine, my genetic collagen deformity has caused insane amounts of pain over things like 'walking' or 'sweeping the floor'. I used to be able to hike up mountains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 52

By Anonymous - 06/04/2017 18:00

Today, I had to stop on a long trip to use the restroom at a gas station. Apparently, there was water damage beneath the toilet, because after about two minutes of doing my business, it collapsed about seven inches beneath the floor. Guess who got covered in water, black mold, and poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 854

You deserved it 374

By ewwww - 30/01/2017 03:00 - United States - Monroe

Today, I went to the doctor for the constant pain I have when eating savory or sour foods. It turns out I have a stone in my saliva gland, and no joke, the only thing I can do to fix it is eat savory or sour food to make me drool enough to force it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 658

You deserved it 408

Don't engage with these people

By fuck you! - 15/04/2021 05:00

Today, I overheard my mom telling my aunt what an “attention-seeking drama queen” I’ve been lately. All I asked was that she not smoke around me. I’ve had asthma all my life and am currently recovering from Covid. She thinks it’s all a conspiracy, meanwhile I haven’t taken a deep breath in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 79

Gigs

By Anonymous - 22/03/2019 20:00

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 905

You deserved it 131

By need sleep - 25/02/2015 16:53 - United States - Severna Park

Today, it's been three days since I started working 12-hour night shifts. My neighbors have now decided to renovate their house. They're focusing on the rooms sharing my wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 269

You deserved it 2 326

As a matter of fact…

By Hangryko - 11/05/2021 08:01 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother told me to my face that if she could do it all over again, she wouldn't have had kids. Thanks, Mum. It's not like I asked to be born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 88

By LonelyAF - 12/08/2017 13:00

Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 4 252

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Top comments

DarkAngelsBlade 25

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Friday 16 April 2021 2:45

Bruh you're their uncle, of course your sibling can create kids that look like you, how fuckin stupid are your friends?

juggalo2 17

Send a private message

Friday 16 April 2021 0:43

Are these people unaware of how genetics work?

Comments

Bogrbon 24

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Thursday 15 April 2021 17:22

Well, did you? The level of FML significantly depends on whether or not you could possibly be the father.

fireblazes 11

Send a private message

Thursday 15 April 2021 18:02

Those aren't your friends.

Wadlaen 21

Send a private message

Thursday 15 April 2021 23:12

Are you..?

juggalo2 17

Send a private message

Friday 16 April 2021 0:43

Are these people unaware of how genetics work?

rainbowdonnareed 18

Send a private message

Friday 16 April 2021 2:21

Your friends need help in biology

DarkAngelsBlade 25

Send a private message

Friday 16 April 2021 2:45

Bruh you're their uncle, of course your sibling can create kids that look like you, how fuckin stupid are your friends?

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 170

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 2 744