The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

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By Frank - 18/02/2023 16:00

Today, my brother put feces on my windshield and released a hoard of crickets, usually used to feed his bearded dragon, inside my car seats, all because I didn’t give him some money from my deceased daughter’s life insurance payout to spend on a new car and a PS5. The kicker? He claims I’M the selfish one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 101

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

By irony, huh? - 20/10/2019 14:00

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 117

You're fired!

By Schuyler Davis - 21/09/2020 02:01

Today, my employer fired me, less than a week before I could become permanent full-time staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 137

Self harm

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 6 385

Gag reflex

By banananana - 25/09/2019 20:00 - Switzerland

Today, my dentist applied a paste on my teeth to make them more resistant. It tasted so disgustingly like artificial banana that I had to throw up. I'm not allowed to brush my teeth, drink or eat for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 219

Some guys will hump anything

By slschmidt - 22/09/2021 14:00 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, when asked for a second date, I had to explain to a man that I didn’t want to see him again, and that he should give women compliments and ask them questions when on a date. He then told me he only does that when his dates look good or say something interesting. He sure still tried to fuck me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 349

Could've been the One

By Courtney - 10/10/2021 16:57

Today, I received a message telling me the guy I was seeing just wasn’t feeling the “vibe”. This would be fine, if he hadn’t given me the best sex, and the only sex I’ve enjoyed, in years and years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 217

You're all grounded

By Anonymous - 08/05/2023 12:00

Today, my teen son and his friends catfished a woman in her forties so they could laugh at her when she got to the restaurant. I'm beyond furious. The poor woman was humiliated, but did my wife care? No, she only got mad at them for using her credit card to sign up to the dating app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 140

Noped out of there

By Anonymous - 24/09/2022 11:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and teen daughter are at the point where their monthly cycles have synced, so when I got home and heard them screaming at each other, I quietly closed the door so they couldn’t hear me, and like a coward I hid in my car until the screaming stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 233

Norman Stanley Fletcher

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 04:00

Today, a prison officer from when I was a young offender snuck up behind me and bellowed in my ear, “ON YOUR FEET SONNY JIM, LETS BE HAVING YOU.” I have such bad memories of him that even now 30 years later, I sprang to attention hands behind my back, humiliating me in front of my wife and daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 265

Poker Face

By Anonymous - 25/10/2020 23:04

Today, I have to get a thyroid ultrasound. I'm a 25 year-old cancer survivor; it took amputating my left leg to beat the last one. My doctor has dealt with my hypochondria for years, long enough to know his face when I should be worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 105

Indeed

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 21:30

Today, my mother suffered a stroke and had to be hospitalized. In order to drive him to the hospital, I actually had to find my father, who never answers any phone calls or messages and is rarely home. I found out on the spot that he was cheating on my mother. What an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 410

You deserved it 85