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The all-time greatest FMLs

Badmouth Strikes Again

By Melissa - 08/03/2020 14:00

Today, my 7-year-old sister had to tell my mom to watch her language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 170

The long con

By Anonymous - 25/09/2020 23:01 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I had expired soda and stale chips for my dinner. Why? Because my mother spent all our grocery money on organic food for her chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 178

Street art

By German;) - 19/09/2019 04:00

Today, I came outside to see someone had written on my car, "I love your hairy butt, pubes, and fat girlfriend!" multiple times. I wouldn't have been bothered if all those things weren't true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 253

By Anonymous - 14/06/2019 02:12 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I got a targeted YouTube ad that was intended for someone who owns a graveyard plot. Glad to know my watching habits match those of an undertaker's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 262

Bass Pro Shops reject

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 06:00 - United States - New Rochelle

Today, I went fishing. Not only did I lose the fish, I lost the entire rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 396

The other stage of grief

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 05:03

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks is freaky. At her grandad's funeral, she got so upset she had to leave the room, only to drag me into the priest's office for a quick blowjob. Apparently, death turns her on. I had oral sex at a funeral. I’m going to Hell for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 636

Mr Clean

By Jenn - 18/08/2021 09:59

Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 137

Don't knock it until you try it

By MiraR - 07/11/2022 04:00

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex. With my stuffed turtle. On my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 148

Supportive

By Defeated - 31/07/2021 18:01

Today, I left hospital after suffering a head injury. My neurosurgeon gave my wife a list of potential household changes that needed to be made, otherwise I could have a fatal seizure. We got in the car and she said, "You do realise we aren’t doing a single thing on that bullshit list, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 111

Alexa, play "Hawaii" by Public Image Ltd

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 12:00

Today, my mom has gotten to the stage of her Alzheimer’s where every time I visit she thinks I’m a burglar, and screams and cries until I leave. My dad does his best, but I just want my mom back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 106

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder

By fatty punani - 05/06/2020 08:00

Today, my husband thinks I stopped wearing underwear to be sexy. Truth is, I’ve gained so much weight during quarantine that even my granny panties no longer fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 659

Us neither, dude

By Buzzing Confusion - 17/09/2021 13:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that the mother of my children named her vibrator after me. We are together and have not had sex in over 18 months. I have no idea what to do with this information. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 229

Overbearing much?!

By lily - 25/06/2020 05:04

Today, while on a road trip, we stopped and went to the bathroom. I didn’t need to go, but my parents told me to "try anyway." I’m 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 412

By justine - 11/08/2019 02:00

Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 623

Parenting 101

By unworthyoflove - 09/06/2020 14:07

Today, I told my parents that I was going to stop being so hard on myself all the time. They responded by calling me a narcissist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 220

His house, his asshole

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 14:01

Today, my dad is an asshole. My brother gets to bring home and shag as many girls as he wants, yet when I told my dad I was inviting my study group to our house, 3 girls and 1 boy I’m not romantically interested in, he removed my bedroom door, just in case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 130

No thanks

By Pinsky - 13/10/2021 22:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out from my best friend’s text log that my friend group has been discussing doing swinger stuff, and they deliberately excluded my wife and I. When pressed, my former best friend said no one wanted to see us naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 706

The disrespect

By Anonymous - 20/07/2021 11:01

Today, I visited my mom at the graveyard first thing in the morning. Not even 24 hours after the funeral, someone’s dog had taken a massive, liquidy shit all over her grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 67

Extenuating circumstances

By No diploma - 05/02/2022 17:59

Today, I found out that my professor dropped me from class because I missed a Zoom meeting. The only class I needed to graduate. Why did I miss the meeting? Because I was in labor for 32 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 169

By Catremorse - 01/08/2019 14:00 - United States - Centreville

Today, my cat was laying on my chest while I was in bed. I farted, which my closed legs seemed to amplify. My cat was so scared, she used me as a launching pad and cut my chest in three places with her claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 580

Caught in 4K

By Pxuccy - 20/02/2022 22:00

Today, I was robbed while working overnight at the gas station. They demanded I give them all the cash in the register. Seeing they were armed, I was reduced to tears and complied. They mocked me and took a video with their cellphone. When I told my boss, he promptly fired me for not “fighting back.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 88