Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I had to rush home from work to help my parents, who are both wheelchair users, because they were having sex and fell between the bed and the wall. With both of them unable to walk, they were stuck there, so the first thing I saw walking into their room was mom's bum hole staring at me. FML
Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob, only to end up slipping and head-butting him in the balls. FML
Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I dislocated my jaw while giving my boyfriend a blowjob. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a spontaneous blowjob while we were watching TV. After he finished, I tried to pull a sexy move I'd seen in a porno by zipping his pants back up with my teeth. His foreskin got caught in the zipper and we spent the next few hours in the emergency room. FML
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Phillycheeze 20
Well look on the bright side. At least they didn't find you with your head up your ass..
Chewy1 18
Reach for the stars , not your own ankles.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (44)
Devon Knoles 10
You never know if you can do this, till you try. But that is hell of a feat for any man to attempt.
Chewy1 18
Reach for the stars , not your own ankles.
RichardPencil 32
That sucks.
manlove38 23
User see what you done there
blahblabbity 19
did you tell them you said “no ****” first?
fjvitt 14
Gives new meaning to “eat a dick”...
Jennifer Michelle Julietta 4
I thought it wasn't even possible. unless you're long in the right places & more flexible than anything...
Stan_The_Man 7
Congratulations bro, that’s an incredible accomplishment.
Phillycheeze 20
Well look on the bright side. At least they didn't find you with your head up your ass..
manb91uk 22
Next time, just hop onto Grindr... It's easier
PhoenixChick 26
Your parents should be proud. And think of how much money they'll save on kleenex and lotion!