By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 15:01 - Canada - Red Deer

My body, my choice

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to drink several shots of vodka after taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink. She puked all night and then blamed me for making her sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1279

You deserved it

135

Favorite

Season finale

Taking stock

Gratitude walks

By dumbass - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46665

You deserved it

5839

Favorite

By Fatnlonely

Today, at a pool party, I had forgotten to bring a swim suit, so I went in in my bra and shorts. After everyone screaming and telling me to put my shirt back on, I asked, "Why? It's the same as a bikini." My best friend told me it was because no one wanted to see me topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1606

You deserved it

402

Favorite

By AbhorrentApplication - United States - Reston

Today, my ten-year-old sister had to write out my job application because no one can read my terrible handwriting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25188

You deserved it

38812

Favorite

By bob7654 - United States - Arlington

Today, my parents asked me if my girlfriend of two years and I wanted to go see a musical with them. I haven't told them that she broke up with me the day after she met them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10166

You deserved it

2084

Favorite

By good_job_john - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80293

You deserved it

4274

Favorite

By windsoffate - United States - Portland

Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12570

You deserved it

942

Favorite

By Spoopy Flame III - 18/11/2020 17:02

Academia ain't for everyone

Today, after dropping a class for the first time ever in college in order to focus on raising my grades, I failed the test that I dropped another course to study for. By not finishing on time. After 3 days of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

727

You deserved it

277

Favorite

By blasted - United States

Today, my girlfriend of almost a year, and to whom I intended to propose on Thanksgiving, dumped me because her husband will be returning from Iraq soon. And he wants to have a "talk" with me. I didn't know she was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44163

You deserved it

3855

Favorite

By Bittersweet

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1684

You deserved it

109

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47495

You deserved it

4700

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, an hour after telling me she wasn't in mood for sex, my girlfriend called me to help her get a cucumber out of her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6238

You deserved it

721

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/12/2020 23:06 - United States - Hesperia

First Dates

Today, a guy took me on a date to McDonald’s. I smiled, but told him politely that I don’t eat fast food. He called me a stuck-up snob and a high maintenance gold digger who didn’t deserve him. I’m neither. I have IBS and greasy food sets me off. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1242

You deserved it

125

Favorite

By LasagnaRawks - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10177

You deserved it

38276

Favorite

By T.T - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because of an argument about a printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35791

You deserved it

6101

Favorite

By ev_lyn_aw

Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3795

You deserved it

265

Favorite

By LiLGeek - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36484

You deserved it

9119

Favorite

By Snufflopagus - United States - Lynnwood

Today, my boyfriend told me that sometimes my nipples taste like onions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52302

You deserved it

10534

Favorite

By ShowerGirl - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58568

You deserved it

5664

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8726

You deserved it

45937

Favorite

By phonemenace - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33682

You deserved it

2798

Favorite

By Toloveornottolove - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15073

You deserved it

1085

Favorite

By cantgetabreak

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not finishing my work on time. Yesterday, she cut an hour from my schedule every day until further notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7985

You deserved it

539

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/9/2020 13:01 - United Kingdom

Shorty

Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

You deserved it

308

Favorite

By SocialAnxietySucks - United States - Houghton

Today, the clock in the study lounge was off, so I was half-an-hour late to class. I was too embarrassed to walk in late, so I sat for the next half-hour with my ear against the door trying to hear the lecture. People stopped to ask if there was something wrong with me. Yeah, probably. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39222

You deserved it

11883

Favorite

By spitt - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28377

You deserved it

2480

Favorite

By TheSickness - United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15159

You deserved it

59120

Favorite

By OUCH - Canada

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51349

You deserved it

3219

Favorite

By Username

Today, I lost my virginity, I think. Does it still count if she left halfway through, laughing? FML

I agree, your life sucks

54727

You deserved it

10643

Favorite

By malloreigh - Australia

Today, I was eating a meatball sub when a meatball fell out and rolled into my hair and all down my shirt. I couldn't find the missing meatball anywhere. I found it later, in my handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26670

You deserved it

4490

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I realised the recruiter for the Navy lied to me. This shit ain't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

851

You deserved it

2285

Favorite

By Anonymous - Austria

Today, I was outside searching for "treasures" with my son using small plastic shovels. All of a sudden he starts screaming. He dug up the bones of our old dog. I told him that we had sent him away to live on a farm, I even helped my son write letters to the farm owners. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23964

You deserved it

93062

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39820

You deserved it

11747

Favorite

By MsAnonymous17 - United States

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

59099

You deserved it

4127

Favorite

By InDebt - United States - Morgantown

Today, Southwest officially called off the search for my lost baggage and asked me to file a claim for reimbursement. My bag had $2000 worth of dental instruments, which I won't get any compensation for since the airline doesn't take any liability for valuable items. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22387

You deserved it

1945

Favorite

By cockalicious

Today, my boyfriend let me know he wanted me to leave by repeatedly jabbing me with my car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28633

You deserved it

5005

Favorite

By andrea99 - United States

Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26566

You deserved it

3398

Favorite

By NoHappyEndings - United States - Dundalk

Hello ?

Today, it's been four weeks since I got a job offer after months of grueling interviews. I turned down other offers to accept the job, but I'm still unemployed because no one at the company will take my calls about my official start date. I've been ghosted by a corporate office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3653

You deserved it

348

Favorite

By NinjaWafflesx - United States

Today, my mother hacked my Facebook and broke up with my boyfriend and pretended to be me. She told him if he ever talks to me again, she'll call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40675

You deserved it

3942

Favorite

By DFR - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41530

You deserved it

23648

Favorite

By kpjc - United States - Lawrence

Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say it when I caught him sleeping with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13493

You deserved it

907

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7938755 - Wednesday 16 September 2020 23:12

Is she on medication to stop her drinking? She sounds unwell.

By tounces7 | 27

#7938770 - Thursday 17 September 2020 1:07

So in other words she's an idiot.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7938754 - Wednesday 16 September 2020 23:12

She had to test that pill!

It works!

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7938755 - Wednesday 16 September 2020 23:12

Is she on medication to stop her drinking? She sounds unwell.

By tounces7 | 27

#7938770 - Thursday 17 September 2020 1:07

So in other words she's an idiot.

By princess_stabitty | 18

#7938795 - Thursday 17 September 2020 6:29

From what I've been told, antabus can keep up all the nasty side effects of alcohol consumption for up to two weeks - I hope you can run as far away as possible, or get ready for not very nice two weeks with the idiot you have for a girlfriend.