Switching off

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 17:04

Today, my wife finally gave up on our autistic 11 year-old son and decided to have him taken into a care facility, because his autism is so bad, all he can do is sleep, stare vacantly, play on his iPad, or scream for hours. I’m kind of glad he’s leaving, but I can’t shake the dam guilt. FML
I agree, your life sucks 3 031
You deserved it 799

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visit with him often/regularly. your interaction will still be important to him. hopefully he will be in a place that can give him the support he needs.

I'm sorry, that situation is definitely one of my greatest fears. Try not to feel too bad, sometimes there are no good moves, and that's no ones fault.

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visit with him often/regularly. your interaction will still be important to him. hopefully he will be in a place that can give him the support he needs.

Sometimes it takes the work of professionals to get people the proper care. It maybe for the best. Don't sell yourself short.

I'm sorry, that situation is definitely one of my greatest fears. Try not to feel too bad, sometimes there are no good moves, and that's no ones fault.

You shouldn't feel guilty. You were overmatched to deal with his condition. Soon, you'll realize that you've done the best you could for him. Your only guilt might come from not having done it sooner.

I cringe when I see you comment on a sensitive post like this, always expecting a joke, so nice work!

VintageReddress 12

I don’t think there is necessarily a right or wrong decision in this situation. Caring for someone who cannot care for themselves is a LOT of hard work on top of being mentally and physically exhausting. Sometimes ‘letting go’ is the strongest thing you can do. Visit him often and include him as much as you appropriately can. I wish you the best, OP.

I'm not blaming you for either the phrasing or the circumstances. But people should be aware that screaming for hours is not a symptom of autism. It's a symptom of trauma. Imagine what it would take to make you scream for hours. That's what he's going through. The two of you haven't managed to communicate about what it is that's actually hurting him so badly, so it keeps happening.

Screaming could also be a communication problem as well. Screaming because a need isn't met that he can't verbalize or ask for. Screaming due to frustration, or a sensory deprivation issue as well. There's really many reasons that screaming can occur...which yes, is causing trauma within itself.

You're both doing what's best for your child. He will receive professional care tailored to his unique needs and the both of you are taking care of your mental health. This isn't child abandonment as you're ensuring he gets the best chance at life possible, and I'm sure the care facility has visitation hours.

you made the right choice, I'm proud that you guys did at least try:) but now it's ok to put him in other scare that are trained for this kind of situations

You shouldn't feel guilty. Unless you haven't tried or given your best efforts. You are making the right choice in consideration that you both understand he needs more help than can be provided. With that said, I have some tips and suggestions: -Is your kid on social security? To help with programs, care management, items needed, etc. -compile a binder or keep adding to it, on diagnoses, medications, levels of care he needs, the amount of assistance he needs, programs that are involved for him and milestones that he has achieved. -write down everything you can on what the care facility does. it's easier to stay in the loop than to play catch up with them. -know his rights and your rights. -you can hire an advocate, case managers, etc. to assist with all of this. -if you and your wife are completely unable to care for him, then a guardian can be appointed to him that can work with him. I hope for the best for your family.

I myself am autistic, thought very high functioning, but I have seen a couple serious cases where the individual seemed like they would benefit from being in a care system. Not necessarily an asylum, but more of a residential care program. I don't think anyone is prepared to care for someone with a severe disability, but if you've set things up right, you can still be an integral part of your child's life, and support them as necessary. Just don't leave them wondering why their parents aren't around at all anymore.