By Anonymous - 19/6/2018 01:30

Worth it.

Today, my now ex-boyfriend told me the only reason he has stayed with me for the last 6 months is because of the Netflix account. FML

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Instadrama

Capitalism kills

True hero

By logansowow - 25/8/2016 00:37

Today, I found out that my wife is seeing a marriage counselor. With her ex. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/1/2016 02:44 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I received a phone call from my boss, from the other side of the country. It seems the conference I sent him to is actually happening next week. FML

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By my bad - 24/9/2020 01:58 - United States

Brain fart

Today, I went out with my friend and her boyfriend. Not knowing him very well, I accidentally called him by her ex’s name. He took that as a sign she was still seeing the ex and dumped her on the spot. She’s now not speaking to me for ruining her life. I’m just bad with names. FML

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By NeverGonnaGetIt - 27/4/2019 12:00 - United States - Wayne

Today, I went on my 56th job interview since graduating from college 3 months ago. I am 31 years old and I spent 11 years in college. I only graduated with a Bachelor's Degree after all those years, but I am still not qualified for anything due to how long it took me to complete my degree. FML

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By anonymousyo - 24/4/2015 22:04 - United States - Vacaville

Today, I found my son's porn. I would sit him down for a talk, but the genres were so disturbing that I'm afraid to even ask about it. FML

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By Donewiththis - 21/6/2016 05:35

Today, my cat was diagnosed with FIV, to which my in-laws said, "That's impossible!" Apparently, what is possible though is that aliens are stealing their pool water. FML

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By GreenShelves - 9/4/2016 04:31 - United States - Lynchburg

Today, after staying up late all week to get work done, I arrived at my job having accomplished all my goals. In my sleep-deprived stupor, I completely forgot to bring the briefcase that had all of the evidence of that hard work. FML

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By JustSayNo - 11/8/2013 23:23 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out why my doctor told me not to mix pain killers with alcohol when I was told that last night I tried to convince a group of teenage tourists that I was one of the nitwits from One Direction, and then got miffed when they laughed at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/12/2018 06:00 - United States - Pittsford

Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/3/2014 04:40 - United States - Riverview

Today, my sister told me about a website that explained why our stressed cat has been obsessively pulling out the fur on her legs. Interested, I asked for a link. Not just out of deep concern for the cat, but because I have the same problem. FML

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By MommyLovesMe - 8/3/2011 15:21 - United States

Today, I learned why my credit score is so low. My mom stole my identity almost three years ago. Her excuse? "You didn't need good credit for anything anyways". FML

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By dawg3360 - 7/6/2009 06:02 - Canada

Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

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By smashed - 24/9/2012 14:33 - United States

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

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By Dandy - 23/12/2016 17:25

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

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By TubaAssassin - 28/11/2017 06:00

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

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By gaggin - 26/12/2012 19:30 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2016 04:46 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating after she read some of my messages I sent to an old female friend. Apparently I'm very flirty with her. I showed her the same kind of messages that I sent to my guy friends as well. Now I'm apparently gay and cheating. FML

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By Grubendol - 15/12/2011 17:30 - United States

Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML

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By skaterboy - 13/8/2013 15:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my mom got a cat. I'm allergic to cats, so I politely asked my mom why she got it. Her response: "I want you to finally want to move out." I turned eighteen two weeks ago. FML

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By Ashleighx94 - 5/7/2011 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my bedridden mother called me selfish. After an operation two weeks ago, all I've done is feed her, clean her and the house every day. She called me selfish because I couldn't lift a TV into her room. FML

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By steve-o - 14/2/2019 15:46 - United States

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/6/2017 20:00

Today, my mom told me I couldn't be best man at my best friend's wedding. I'm 25. FML

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By FML - 29/7/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, I found out that when you kick another man in the snowglobes and he smiles at you, there's something creepily wrong. FML

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By Fmyhair - 27/4/2009 18:39 - Norway

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

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By ThatEndedWell - 7/1/2019 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I decided to challenge the jerk jock at work to a fight, since he kept poking fun at me for being a weakling. Having started taking MMA classes, I was confident I'd make him eat his words. Just my luck, he's an MMA instructor and kicked my ass effortlessly. Not what I had planned. FML

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By Kidsthesedays - 9/11/2015 19:33 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

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By hairdresser - 18/10/2009 15:27 - Thailand

Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She just cut my sister's hair. FML

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By CrappyCar - 14/5/2013 05:29 - United States

Today, I received a notice that if I don't move the abandoned vehicle from outside my house it will be repossessed at my expense. My car isn't abandoned. FML

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By dudezilla - 13/10/2009 15:52 - United States

Today, I got a text message from a number I didn't know telling me, "Fine. It's over, have a wonderful life." I've never had a girlfriend and now I get broken up with by girls I don't even know. FML

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By fml1977 - 4/3/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

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By CUNTCUNTCUNT - 29/1/2014 21:28 - Australia - Slacks Creek

Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2015 01:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my brother told me to, "Stop bitching and get over it" after I complained of pain from my stomach after invasive surgery. This from the guy who spends multiple hours a day playing Halo and whining about the stupid ways he got killed. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2015 07:51 - United States - Rochester

Today, the man that I have a crush on finally touched me. This would have been great, if not for the fact that it was to roll me on my side while I was having a seizure. FML

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By ShylaMarie - 14/2/2012 22:29 - Canada

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, I had a violent sneezing attack while changing my phone's password and now I have no idea what it could be. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/3/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, my parents told me that due to my lacking height and weight, I legally have to sit in a booster seat in the car from now on. I'm nineteen. FML

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By thanksfamily - 18/9/2012 11:22 - United States - Bethesda

Today, I got engaged. My family is already placing bets on how long it will take for my fiancée to "wise up and ditch" me. FML

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By akieferr - 3/9/2014 02:41 - United States

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

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Top comments

By Ahmed Sakr | 16

#7650116 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 1:49

World record for longest Netflix and chill

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7650117 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 1:51

Shoulda tried Hulu.

COMMENTS

By Ahmed Sakr | 16

#7650116 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 1:49

World record for longest Netflix and chill

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7650117 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 1:51

Shoulda tried Hulu.

By tranced_ | 44

#7650119 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 2:17

That guy has his priorities straight. Who knows he might be in a different relationship for Amazon prime as well. Hopefully his Netflixing days are over.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7650124 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 2:34

Get YouTubeTV and he’ll marry you.

By dwight7476 | 11

#7650138 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 4:08

Cheap bastard

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7650140 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 4:14

Sometimes when you break up you wonder if your life would be better if things had worked out.

I don't think that applies here.

By Davros | 12

#7650181 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 7:49

Did he at least want the chill ?

By ViviMage | 38

#7650207 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 8:37

You know Comcast and Verizon and other companies like cell phone plans sometimes offer this for free, right?

You are with more than 10.99/month!

By melisssa87 | 30

#7650266 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 11:15

He is an idiot, Netflix isn’t even that good

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7650374 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 16:25

Netflix is one hell of a drug.

Reply

chyiochan | 30

#7650390 - Tuesday 19 June 2018 16:52

A free drug in this case!