Health and Transportation: Today, it's my 30th Birthday. The day started with me tripping... - FML

By Birthdaygirl30 - Netherlands - Oegstgeest

Today, it's my 30th Birthday. The day started with me tripping in the shower and breaking my arm, continued with a car crashing into our car in the hospital parking, and ended with yet another car crash while finally driving home. Happy birthday to me. FML

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Family values

Modern Family

Laundry drama

By BrakesNotBumpers - United States - Reading

Today, I was rear-ended. While I was yelling, "WHAT THE F..." the lady who hit me completely freaked out and drove into me again. Twice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Huntsville

Today, after a week of my new neighbor constantly yelling in his native language, I finally complained about the noise. Turns out that's just his normal talking voice. Goodbye sleep. FML

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By Late

Today, my boss at my new job yelled at me for being 15 minutes early to work. Last week he yelled at me for being late for my shift when I arrived 5 minutes early. He's considering this my final warning before I'm fired. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Horsham

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

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By forewhatnow - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

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By I am not amused! - United Kingdom - Andover

Today, I had the pleasure of driving in central London for the first time, to recover my drunk husband from his own brilliance, puking on the feet of Winston Churchill's statue in Parliament Square. At 4 am. FML

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By oops123 - United States

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well technically my fiancée." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

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By ringrash - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I finally went to the doctor's office to have a small patch of acne on my stomach looked at. Since it was in an almost perfect circle and abnormally sensitive, I was worried it could be ringworm or some other sort of skin infection. It turned out to be an infection alright. Herpes. FML

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By Whatthehell

Today, my husband's mistress purposely and dangerously induced her own labor so that she would have the baby on my birthday. Yes, I'm divorcing him. FML

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By thatshelpful - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

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By Anon - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

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By werewolfoflondon - Canada

Today, I got fired over MSN. I wasn't even online at the time. FML

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By dogwheels - United Kingdom

Today, I had to sit and listen to my co-worker moan about how early he has to get up tomorrow to go on his ski holiday in France over Christmas. He also complained about how tiring skiing is. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense: "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML

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By smellyfeet - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML

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By bad date - United States - Bennet

Today, my date made me pay him for picking me up, and taking me back home. FML

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By DSM - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

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By zinka - United States

Today, I took the bus to Boston. My bike is in Boston. My bike lock is in Boston. The key is in New York. FML

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By Crud - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six months dumped me over the phone. I'm in the military and recently had to move away to another fort. We'd agreed that we would try to make long distance work. I'd even offered to buy a plane ticket to come see her each weekend. I've been gone less than two weeks. FML

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By FuckedByLife - United Kingdom - Bridgend

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me. How? His other girlfriend crashed her car into mine and had him pick her up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on an LGBT arranged marriage site. FML

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By Rednbumpy

Today, I was getting ready to meet my boyfriend. We haven't seen each other in a month so I decided to shave my body hair, even though I have really sensitive skin and usually end up getting rashes after a few days. His flight got cancelled and he won't be back for another two days. FML

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By hatemyjob - United States

Today, I arrived at work and was immediately given a disciplinary write-up for being two hours late for my shift. Apparently the manager had changed my schedule that morning and failed to tell me. FML

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By Upfront - United States - Denver

Today, I confronted my very passive-aggressive roommate about taking out the trash. With a smug smile, she insisted that I should write her a letter if I want to argue. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was playing with my hedgehog and he started licking my face. I thought it was super cute, until he latched onto my eyelid with his teeth. He then created a ball of saliva and blood and coated his body in it. FML

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By Dopeydancer - United Kingdom

Today, after a few drinks with some mates at a bar, we were invited to the dancefloor with some girls. After some dancing and flirting, I felt a cheeky squeeze on my backside, and so I quickly returned the favour without looking back. A few minutes later at the bar, I realised my wallet was gone. FML

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By badbride - United States

Today, I accidentally slept in two hours later than I was supposed to. Today is my wedding day. FML

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By twofade - United States

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, at school, everybody wanted to be my partner for a project. This surprised me because nobody ever wants to be with me. Turns out when I was absent, my teacher promised that whoever was my partner would get extra points on the project. FML

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By potpurri_needed - United States

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

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By jesus fuck

Today, I got my 1 year old daughter vaccinated. My wife tried to leave me because she's "never felt more betrayed". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML

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By rachiej8 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

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By Sad_Happy_Gorl - United States - University Center

Today, I found out my boyfriend has to picture someone else when we have sex. The most recent: my roommate. FML

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By Joey - United States - Tampa

Today, on my way to work, I noticed a woman on the side of the road waving for help, her car appearing to be broken down. I pulled over, stepped out of my car, went over to her car, lifted the hood, and checked it. When I looked up to tell her what was wrong, she and my car were gone. FML

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By Nothingonyou - France

Today, it was my birthday. But instead of a decent surprise, my friends decided to smash a cake on my face and unhook my dress, while taking a video of it. In a public shopping mall. FML

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Top comments

By ViviMage | 38

#7699520 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 15:05

You really just wanted to play bumper cars at a carnival today!

By meloons | 6

#7699492 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 14:19

That’s rough OP. Hang in there and Happy Birthday!

COMMENTS

By meloons | 6

#7699492 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 14:19

That’s rough OP. Hang in there and Happy Birthday!

By ViviMage | 38

#7699520 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 15:05

You really just wanted to play bumper cars at a carnival today!

By WHSKitty4ever | 23

#7699524 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 15:06

Happy birthday anyway, OP

By Zekfen | 17

#7699527 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 15:10

Well they say things happen in 3s! At least you got all three out of the way in one day! Better than 31 spankings right? Unless you are into that kind of thing....

By R_Horsefeet | 23

#7699541 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 15:32

Gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag!

By Charlie Given | 23

#7699594 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 16:55

DDDDDAMN OP that sucks sounds like your having one of my B-DAY'S ,but Happy Birthday anyway and follow up please this sounds like a very interesting story 😊

By marcy_89 | 8

#7699625 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 18:09

And this is why I’m not looking forward to my 30th.

By Justkidding100 | 36

#7699633 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 18:25

someone didn't want you to make it to thirty it seems

By Justin Allan Bannister | 9

#7699676 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 20:17

and if you get your monthly!!!!

Reply

#7699852 - Thursday 27 September 2018 3:25

Cruel

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7699688 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 20:45

did they at least give you a birthday discount.