Today, it's my 30th Birthday. The day started with me tripping... - FML

By Birthdaygirl30 - 26/9/2018 14:00 - Netherlands - Oegstgeest

Today, it's my 30th Birthday. The day started with me tripping in the shower and breaking my arm, continued with a car crashing into our car in the hospital parking, and ended with yet another car crash while finally driving home. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3880

You deserved it

194

Tweet

Share

Cold-blooded old times

Hello everyone!

Headache

By Anonymous - 12/10/2010 05:46 - United States

Today, I called my mom for her birthday. She started talking about an infomercial she'd seen for a combo bidet-and-dryer, and how she would like to get one so she can feel "fresh down there" without worrying about getting bits of toilet paper on her nether regions. I can't un-hear this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28801

You deserved it

3035

Tweet

Share

By Cheesey_Dorito - 10/9/2018 14:30

Today, I couldn't find the keys to open the store I work at. The resulting stress gave me chest pains that ended up sending me to the hospital. I still missed work and my father found the keys under the passenger seat in his car. The same seat I sat in on the way to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2462

You deserved it

462

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/1/2016 11:37 - Australia

Today, I went on a date at the park. Have you ever felt dozens of ants swarming up your legs and back? I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19992

You deserved it

1705

Tweet

Share

By Not Gay - 9/6/2015 03:04 - United States - Williamston

Today, I found out the reason my crush has been talking so openly to me. Not because she likes me back, but because she thinks I'm gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30000

You deserved it

2613

Tweet

Share

By Toothy - 2/4/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37883

You deserved it

49879

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 22:16 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, my now ex-boyfriend actually tried to justify his cheating by saying it doesn't count as cheating if the girl's bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37502

You deserved it

3083

Tweet

Share

By MLZ - 30/7/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46161

You deserved it

3523

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/2/2018 01:30

"shortcomings"

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7713

You deserved it

596

Tweet

Share

By hoo flung pu - 3/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43133

You deserved it

3695

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/12/2012 22:06 - United States

Today, my bra clasp broke in the middle of a job interview. I got the job on the spot. I'm scared to report into work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35280

You deserved it

4228

Tweet

Share

By aishahahaha_ - 19/6/2016 00:34 - Zambia - Lusaka

Today, I walked in on my sister and a few of my roommates planning a surprise party for a fellow roommate whose birthday is a week away. My birthday was yesterday. No one remembered. Not even my own sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14647

You deserved it

751

Tweet

Share

By stupidity - 25/5/2012 19:30 - Switzerland - Geneva

Today, trying to look cool, I threw my coke bottle in the air, and tried to catch it with one hand. I missed and it fell to the floor. Luckily, it wasn't open, but in my unimaginable stupidity, I opened it less than five seconds later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6743

You deserved it

38793

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/3/2017 09:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the new security guard of my apartment building tackled me for "suspicious behavior" while I was taking a bag full of dirty kitty litter to the trash chute. He broke my arm and cause the trash bag to explode. When I got back from the hospital, I was fined for littering in the hallway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5609

You deserved it

280

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/4/2009 14:09 - Hong Kong

Today, my mum and I were walking down a road where we met an old neighbour who recently got divorced. Her son who we hadn't seen for about 10 years was with her and he looked very handsome. I said, "oh wow ! your son has grown up so much !" The woman replied, "this is my boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48339

You deserved it

8892

Tweet

Share

By mrs.nerd - 23/10/2011 12:38 - United States

Today, my husband and I were getting intimate when a notification for a game popped up on his iPad. He immediately shoved me aside so he could take care of his baby dragon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37931

You deserved it

4512

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/2/2019 14:52 - United States - Hartford

Today, my girlfriend started bitching me out about how public proposals are unfair and how they pressure a girl to say yes. All I did was get on my knee to tie a loose shoelace. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39895

You deserved it

3346

Tweet

Share

By engaged - 29/3/2009 14:03 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

I agree, your life sucks

113820

You deserved it

24158

Tweet

Share

By Cass - 29/3/2012 02:03 - Australia

Today, I got the feeling that my phone smelt of cigarettes and B.O. I smelt it, realised that it was my hands that smelt, then got confused and thought maybe it was my nose piercing that smelt. I then realised my psychology class was watching me trying to smell my own nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7770

You deserved it

28583

Tweet

Share

By noyodel - 4/7/2009 04:04 - Italy

Today, I had been planning a family trip for months. My father had all his bags packed, ready to go in the car. He had my grandmother's ashes in his suitcase, and planned to spread them on a mountain. This morning our car was broken into and everything was stolen. The thief stole my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63292

You deserved it

3368

Tweet

Share

By longdistancemyass - 11/8/2017 23:15

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is currently dating a girl who lives in Korea. We broke up because I was moving to a different part of the city for college and he thought the distance would be "too much." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3933

You deserved it

280

Tweet

Share

By Authentik8 - 16/9/2011 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25762

You deserved it

2212

Tweet

Share

By Huedadaa - 19/10/2013 00:05 - France - Cauffry

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48079

You deserved it

4997

Tweet

Share

By Nighty-nitrogen - 10/5/2016 00:07 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11395

You deserved it

1813

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/8/2015 02:23 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40962

You deserved it

4467

Tweet

Share

By rocks_hurt - 16/8/2018 13:00

Today, I rushed to catch my bus and arrived as it pulled up, but one of the tires threw a rock at my head and knocked me out. I missed my bus and the final that I am not allowed to retake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3042

You deserved it

229

Tweet

Share

By thatsureshowedme - 8/11/2014 20:33 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I tried being rebellious for the first time in my life by sneaking out past my curfew. I decided to use my bedroom window to stealthily leave the house. I ended up twisting my ankle when I tried to make my "grand" escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23028

You deserved it

30308

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/1/2011 09:01 - New Zealand

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35899

You deserved it

10251

Tweet

Share

By Is_This_Real - 30/3/2016 20:46 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, the only constant person in my life is the guy that smokes outside my apartment building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17004

You deserved it

1505

Tweet

Share

By aw-wtf - 11/8/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, at work, a man bought a lot of really expensive stuff. He paid the large bill with cash, and the manager helped me count the money. When we were done, he handed me a $100 bill to thank me for all the help. We can't accept tips. The manager was next to me. I had to say no. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71012

You deserved it

3850

Tweet

Share

By Dumped - 30/3/2019 20:00

Today my boyfriend of one year dumped me. When I started crying, he said, “want to know something that will make you hate me so you won’t be so sad?” and then told me he’s been cheating on me with multiple women, the entire time we’ve been dating. He thought that would comfort me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2398

You deserved it

165

Tweet

Share

By that makes me a sad panda - 19/5/2014 21:44 - Sweden - Ume

Today, my landlord's control issue got out of control when I got a call telling me I have "too much stuff" and have to move out of the apartment. I sold all my furniture when I moved in and all I currently own is a scratch post, a chair and a pair of curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43734

You deserved it

4078

Tweet

Share

By Mr. Shawzy - 14/1/2009 13:09 - Canada

Today, the ugliest girl in school walked by me and said "ewwww". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30330

You deserved it

9126

Tweet

Share

By wurtabang - 9/2/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30332

You deserved it

3082

Tweet

Share

By chrisinator - 11/10/2016 04:21 - United States - Woodside

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10559

You deserved it

1202

Tweet

Share

By Poopyhead - 8/11/2009 19:14 - Ireland

Today, I was at a petting zoo with my boyfriend. A guy that worked there said he'd take a picture of me with a mouse on my head. He reassured me that this mouse was trained. I agreed. Once the mouse got on my head, it peed. Turns out the guy didn't work there after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30608

You deserved it

15625

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/1/2015 01:24 - United States - Rochester

Today, I spent over an hour shovelling the walkway and driveway, snow blowing in my face and down my coat. When I was finally finished, a guy started going through the neighborhood plowing everyone's driveways for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27357

You deserved it

2957

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 8/3/2009 07:11 - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19129

You deserved it

54066

Tweet

Share

By adopted - 3/3/2014 15:55 - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48332

You deserved it

8500

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/3/2015 21:11 - United States

Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox Say?" He loves it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31062

You deserved it

2444

Tweet

Share

By rejectedson - 15/10/2009 23:23 - United States

Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34517

You deserved it

2236

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ViviMage | 38

#7699520 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 15:05

You really just wanted to play bumper cars at a carnival today!

By meloons | 6

#7699492 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 14:19

That’s rough OP. Hang in there and Happy Birthday!

Comments

By meloons | 6

#7699492 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 14:19

That’s rough OP. Hang in there and Happy Birthday!

By ViviMage | 38

#7699520 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 15:05

You really just wanted to play bumper cars at a carnival today!

By WHSKitty4ever | 23

#7699524 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 15:06

Happy birthday anyway, OP

By Zekfen | 17

#7699527 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 15:10

Well they say things happen in 3s! At least you got all three out of the way in one day! Better than 31 spankings right? Unless you are into that kind of thing....

By R_Horsefeet | 23

#7699541 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 15:32

Gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag!

By Charlie Given | 21

#7699594 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 16:55

DDDDDAMN OP that sucks sounds like your having one of my B-DAY'S ,but Happy Birthday anyway and follow up please this sounds like a very interesting story 😊

By marcy_89 | 7

#7699625 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 18:09

And this is why I’m not looking forward to my 30th.

By Justkidding100 | 34

#7699633 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 18:25

someone didn't want you to make it to thirty it seems

By Justin Allan Bannister | 9

#7699676 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 20:17

and if you get your monthly!!!!

Reply

1ninjanina | 7

#7699852 - Thursday 27 September 2018 3:25

Cruel

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7699688 - Wednesday 26 September 2018 20:45

did they at least give you a birthday discount.