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By Anonymous - / Friday 30 November 2018 15:30 /
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By  sunnyray812  |  42

I'm so sorry you had to find out at such an awful time. He's not worth the marriage, hon. I know you just birthed a baby, but he clearly doesn't take your relationship and family seriously. Since he's a such a deadbeat husband to be fooling around with multiple women and giving you an STD, then he's going to be a deadbeat father. That STD most likely passed down to the newborn child, and that is a good enough reason to cut him out of your and your children's lives. Not only does he not care about your marriage, he PROVED that he doesn't care about your own children's and your health. If I was in your shoes, he wouldn't be seeing the children ever, and I'd bring that up to the court.

By  Phillycheeze  |  20

Before jumping the gun. What's his take on the 3 womens messages? I mean we can't assume he cheated. There are some weird people that get off on destroying shit. I could be wrong and he is humping everything with a heartbeat.

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By  sunnyray812  |  42

I'm so sorry you had to find out at such an awful time. He's not worth the marriage, hon. I know you just birthed a baby, but he clearly doesn't take your relationship and family seriously. Since he's a such a deadbeat husband to be fooling around with multiple women and giving you an STD, then he's going to be a deadbeat father. That STD most likely passed down to the newborn child, and that is a good enough reason to cut him out of your and your children's lives. Not only does he not care about your marriage, he PROVED that he doesn't care about your own children's and your health. If I was in your shoes, he wouldn't be seeing the children ever, and I'd bring that up to the court.

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  sunnyray812  |  42

I must correct my mistake. I misread and thought you said "husband" instead of "fiancé." Still, my message applies the same. It could be possible that you can take him to court over the STD if he passed it down to your child, that way he won't get to be a father.

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  Quasita  |  20

I think perhaps you need to go back to the discussion of STD transmission during childbirth. How are you figuring it passed down to the kid? Said child was born by C-section... Which is what they traditionally do to avoid passing herpes to children when the mother has an established infection of the virus in order to avoid transfer during a vaginal birth. Unless that C-section was not a sterile procedure, the only way it would have been transferred is if they have been like, touching the baby's mucus membranes with unwashed hands or something, which would be the OP's fault regardless... Plus, you cannot prove that the OP didn't already *have* herpes unless you do very specialized genetic testing.

So often, you make comments that are just ridiculously ill-informed... It makes me wonder how you get through life lol

Editing before someone comes in to talk about in utero: Child and mother's blood do NOT touch in utero. It is one of the biological miracles of pregnancy and one of the amazing things of the placenta. Just because a mother has a blood born illness, it does not guarantee that the child will have said illness. Nearly all transmissions are established during the birthing process itself, which is why women at high risk of passing these types of illnesses are scheduled for C-sections.

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  sunnyray812  |  42

Quasita, it was really a suggestion. I wasn't saying that any of it is definite. Thanks for the insult, though, as if I don't get enough of it anywhere else.

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  julfunky  |  25

Although I agree that he’s a deadbeat fiancé I don’t think you have nearly enough information to state that he’ll be a deadbeat father.

My mother cheated on my father multiple times. I’d be pissed as hell if my father listened to some random person’s “advice” and decided she wasn’t allowed to see her own children.

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  sunnyray812  |  42

Julfunky, the reason why I stated that he shouldn't see his child is because he could have put that child's health (and maybe life) at risk. No true father would do such a thing. It's one thing to cheat, but it's another to pass a disease to one's own child.

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  Quasita  |  20

If it's your prerogative to take an observation in that way, so be it. The intention was to say yo, check your facts, because you aren't coming off all that bright right now.

Please, seriously, HOW did this father risk a disease to the child, or potential death, anymore than any other father in history that had HSV-1 or 2? As I stated in my above reply, there is no way that the STD would be communicable through the pregnancy... There is no guarantee the dad even *has* the virus. Though, if we want to play a numbers game, the odds were in their favor that both parents already had herpes anyway, and the majority of people reading this FML have herpes, so are you suggesting that if any of those people were to have children, they would be irresponsible, risking children's lives or deserving of punishment? Frankly, you should be more mad if a parent takes their new baby to the office to show them off during cold and flu season than about this disease exposure, because the cold & flu scenario is much more likely to kill the newborn.

It's far, far more damaging that he jeopardize the family unit and stability of the parental partnership through cheating and creating psychological instability than it is to have the potential exposure to herpes she's just learned about.

At a certain point, it becomes irresponsible to spread misinformation. When a person becomes recognizable for their misinformed comments, eventually something has to be said *shrugs* You can think I'm a bitch all you like, it doesn't change the fact that you're talking about either an impossibility or an extremely commonplace scenario.

To a sidenote, random stranger comments on the interwebs shouldn't be taken as insults regardless; I don't know you, how could I truly insult you? All I know is what gets put up on my screen. You have to own who you are. Sometimes that means it's going to be questioned, and that's okay. If you consider yourself in the "right" then what does it matter what I say?

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  sunnyray812  |  42

Come to think of it, you're correct. I apologize for being defensive and passive-agressive in my response. I normally say things I only think I have knowledge about, and it's a bad habit of mine. I'm actually not smart at all and get comments all the time about my stupidity (it even comes from family), so I took offense to your comment when it was quite immature of me to do so. Please, to anyone reading this, disregard my above comments. I provided misinformation, which is inexcusable. If you want to moderate it to where no one can see it, you may do so. I don't know how that process works, though. Again I am sorry for being rude and presenting misinformation.

By  RichardPencil  |  25

Why’s your fiancé handing out your phone number like he’s handing out candy...or his seed?

Get a court order for child support and a restraining order. Dump that chump and move on. Next!

So you're making a big deal of a common STD that doesn't really do anything but give you a rash. I mean if he got HIV/AIDs or something actually serious, then I'd say this is fml worthy. This is just meh, your man is a player and you didn't see the signs.

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  Rabite  |  27

Even as an adult there are some people, who never know they have herpes, some only get it once or twice and some unfortunately have it very often. And it's also not only a rash.

By  burnforeternity  |  30

Fingers crossed that you and him haven’t been intimate since his first time with the girl with a std. he isn’t worth the marriage, or being part of your life. Sue for child support if you can, and over some time you may find a man that can be a father to your child

By  Phillycheeze  |  20

Before jumping the gun. What's his take on the 3 womens messages? I mean we can't assume he cheated. There are some weird people that get off on destroying shit. I could be wrong and he is humping everything with a heartbeat.

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  AmbrosiaFan  |  12

YES... I find it amazing that people are believing these messages without some sort of verification... Just because they said they did doesn't mean they did. Maybe they all want him so lied about it to hopefully get in his pants?

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  Rabite  |  27

It's still a big FML because now she is supposed to look for evidence right after a c-section and with a new born? And how would you really prove it?

By  ViviMage  |  36

C-section means the baby may be ok and spared from herpes.

You, the fiancé, and the baby all should be tested for herpes type II. Most of the population has oral herpes (did you know chicken pox is a herpes virus?), it's genital that you need to worry about!

And if he's sleeping around, maybe because you couldn't provide him the sexual relief he needed while pregnant, he isn't worth keeping around. He can use his right hand until you can have sex again if he was being faithful.

I'd call off the engagement and seek child support payments, which can be garnished from his wages before he even gets a paycheck.

By  badrussian79  |  8

Well on one hand my buddy had that happen to him the day after his engagement. Lucky for him the psycho that sent the message screwed up the dates and he was in Vegas at the time of their supposed trust. Given that you just gave birth this may have triggered envy so don’t pull any tiggers yet. Especially if these are exe’s. In my friends case it was a HS acquaintance.

However I’m curious why she said her baby instead of our baby? Is the fiancé not the baby daddy?

By  pearl95  |  2

I wouldn’t even give him a second chance. What a disgusting excuse for a human being. Kick his ass to the curb and worry about you and your little man, nobody should have to deal with that bullshit.

Ok relax a sec, 90% of the world is infected with some strain of herpes, 4/5 people don't get symptoms, and it is completely harmless all it will cause is some red or white bumps and you are already covered in those so relax and think about how you probably already have herpes and even if you don't you will likely not get any symptoms

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  julfunky  |  25

Yes, now that OP knows that herpes isn’t a big deal she’ll totally relax. It’s not like this FML was centered around anything else, right?

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  Quasita  |  20

And yet, a viral herpes infection is likely to cause an outbreak and it's extremely difficult for the child, causes a lot of problems, and is incurable. There's a reason why they make every effort to avoid exposure from mother to baby if mother has diagnosed genital herpes... Because even though there's the wildly speculated high numbers you throw out there, that newborn simply doesn't have it yet and the longer they have to establish an immune system before having to develop antibodies against an communicable yet incurable illness, the better chances they have of avoiding serious complications.

Herpes in newborns is extremely different than herpes in adults. While it is highly unlikely, based on the provided information, that the child has contracted the virus at this point through any normal means... It is absolutely something the mother should be concerned about, for her own health and for the enduring health of her child.

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