Today, I'm on a residential trip for 4 days with 72 children, 5 other staff, and 72 sets of parents who want to be on the phone to me constantly. FML
Today, I wrote a long, loving and emotional Christmas letter to my girlfriend, leaving it for her to read when she woke up. Halfway through the day, I received a text stating that she saw my "breakup letter" and threw out all my stuff. I can't even contact her now. FML
Today, I was at Walmart to pick up things. I was using an electric buggy because my ankle is injured, even though it was a bit odd. On the way out, the controls got stuck going forward, pushing along six carts into a pileup before I managed to get it to turn off. The manager saw the whole thing. FML
GhostFox tells us more.
GhostFox 33
This is mine. I was really more embarrassed and kind of horrified by the damage to the carts- two of them had broken plastic parts and one had a bent frame- but the manager was very calm about it and apologized for it even malfunctioning. I try not to use the buggies, but I have a disorder that makes my joints prone to dislocation and my soft tissue prone to tearing- and after I torn a ligament in my leg pushing a buggy, my doctor told me not to push cart anymore. It was even further off the table with the high ankle sprain I had. So, yeah, I count as "disabled." Also, my name is not Jade, but it helps to know this sort of shenanigans happens to other people.
Today, my 28-year-old brother screamed at me and outed me to our very religious, homophobic parents because I wouldn't let him shock his friend with an electric dog collar. FML
Today, while cleaning, I found a grocery bag with thongs in it. I took them out, smiled and jokingly asked my wife, who never wears them, if she's keeping secrets from me. Turns out she isn't and the bag is not hers. It's belongs to my 76-year-old grandma. FML
Today, I went to Men's Warehouse to pick up my tux. They mistakenly set the pick-up date for the 30th of next month. My prom is tomorrow. FML
Today, my best friend, who I've had a crush on for over 2 years, and who I could describe as unattainable, asked me out on a date. It went great and ended with an amazing kiss. Then she texted that she thinks she actually likes girls. She's unattainable, alright. FML
RipperoniPizza tells us more.
OP here. I'm pretty surprised this got published, it's my one and only fml that I've ever made. It's actually a pretty long story, we've kinda both had a thing for each other and actually dated for a very brief time before (never kissed though hence the "amazing" first kiss between us) but she didn't think she was comfortable and decided that maybe we should just stay friends. I was perfectly ok with that, but then she asked me out on the date and I thought that maybe she was actually ready this time. Nope! However, things are definitely confusing as she has started flirting with me again so it's kind of seeming like she might be interested again. I still have feelings for her and I probably always will, but I'm not wanting to play games anymore. Also, as for her change in sexuality, whether it's permanent for a "phase" or whatever, I definitely won't ruin her reputation or anything, like I said, it's my best friend that I would do a lot for. Some of these comments are great too! Thanks
Today, during a conversation with my in-laws, I opened up about my insecurities concerning my looks. My mother-in-law responded, "But you're not beautiful." She then repeated it. FML
Today, the cashier at the local grocery store in my area said that I don't look a day over 40. I'm 28. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, I accidentally uploaded a video of me pleasing myself to my Snapchat story. Five people saw it before I could take it down. FML
Today, when I went over a bump, I was assaulted by a badly-fitted bicycle seat. I've been walking like John Wayne all afternoon. FML
Today, my wife's water broke so I drove her to the hospital. After 16 hours without labor, I went home to get a little sleep. Four hours later I got the call and ran outside to find that my car was towed from my parking space. FML
Today, I finally had the guts to tell my best friend that I like him more than just as a friend. I was about to tell him when he excitedly told me that he met the love of his life yesterday. FML
Today, I came out to my parents as trans. They immediately took my remaining college savings, canceled my credit card, and began plotting to abduct me and "wean me off hormones, like a heroin addict." FML
Today, I learned that my boyfriend is cheating on me with not one, not two, but nine girls. How he did it, I don't even know. How I found out? I was coming into my room to surprise him for his birthday and saw him having a threesome. We have kids. FML
Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML
Today, my doctor told me that my lungs are as bad as a 60-year-old heavy smoker's. I'm 19 and I've never touched a cigarette in my life. FML
Today, my friend is furious with me because while I was watching her various fish for two weeks, I failed to feed her favorite fish and it died. The reason I didn't take care of it was because she never told me she had it, that it was in her room unlike the rest of the fish, so I never saw it. FML
Today, as I was walking to wash my hands after using the restroom, the guy walking away from the sink flicked water from his hands towards the floor. Water splashed all over my beige shorts. I had to walk back into class looking like I'd peed my pants. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML
Today, I discovered the reason my 12-year-old brother has been anxious and afraid of cops for the last 6 months. My crazy mother convinced him that porn is illegal and comes with a death penalty. She did the same thing to me when I was his age. FML
Today, I got excited over a canceled booty call, just so I wouldn't have to clean the apartment. FML
Today, I'm laying in my holiday apartment with the patio doors open, listening to the german man next door take dirty pics of his wife on the balcony. I'm too scared to get up and shut the door. FML
Today, I went on a Tinder date with a hot British guy. He spent 90% of the date talking about his ex, but I invited him back to my place anyway. He came after 20 minutes of foreplay then left without even offering to get me off. FML
milksquad tells us more.
OP here! This is my second FML to get published this week, either I'm on a roll or my life is just really shitty lol. I was pretty bitter when I posted this but in hindsight, yeah, it was a pretty stupid decision. Looks (and a cute accent) aren't everything I suppose! I guess I was more surprised that he left so abruptly. Like, he came and then put on his clothes and walked out with barely a goodbye. I've had meaningless Tinder hookups in the past and they were always at least nice about it. I guess those were just flukes. Definitely learned my lesson!
Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML
Today, I surprised my girlfriend with origami roses, as I am highly allergic to real ones. Her response? To scream at me and slam the door in my face. FML
Today, I was the last to go upstairs, so I had to turn off the lights. My tired brain decided to use my phone flashlight to check if all the lights were out. FML
Today, I finally got a product I ordered two weeks ago as a free trial-only pay shipping deal. Also today, the same company took an extra $130 out of my account without authorisation. Best part: when I called to sort things out, they told me they had no record of my order details. FML
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