By sting - 3/6/2017 04:00

Winds of change

Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4933

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696

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Miscellaneous

Caught red-handed

Yappy neighborhood

Don't give up

By radiantum13 - 9/6/2016 02:33

Today, I got yelled at by my supervisor for getting an hour of overtime yesterday. The reason I had an hour of overtime was because that same supervisor made me stay late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14947

You deserved it

1042

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By anx133 - 15/1/2009 08:05 - China

Today, like any other day I struggled to put my boots on, went to pee and noticed my pants were covered in what looked like a green dust. I touched it, sniffed it, and it smelled utterly horrendous. So I took my boots off again only to find that one of my cats had took a dump in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22409

You deserved it

3144

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2015 01:30

Twister

Today, while making out in my car, the guy I was with decided it'd be a great idea to stick his tongue in my ear. He shoved it in so far that my ear still feels wet four hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27247

You deserved it

3266

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By RebekahBrooke - 17/9/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39028

You deserved it

2623

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By terry - 2/11/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I was DJing for a church event where I was stationed in the middle and everyone was sitting behind me. I walked over to get something to drink and eat and come back with glaring looks. My screensaver had came on with pictures of my naked girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9185

You deserved it

52477

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By sickofit - 31/12/2016 08:24 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at work, our boss's son came in to help. The whole time he was there he sat in the back on his phone not helping and whenever we asked him to do something, he had an attitude. The only time he voluntarily got up to help was when his dad came in to check on the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21584

You deserved it

1416

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By Lmop68 - 27/5/2009 05:27 - Canada

Today, I saw my crush waving me over from the other end of the parking lot. I ran quickly to greet him, but in my excitement didn't take note of the giant Hummer backing out. I broke two ribs and all my crush was trying to do was warn me of the moving vehicle I was about to run into. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41933

You deserved it

17277

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By a chick in California - 14/6/2012 20:10 - United States - Ceres

Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35040

You deserved it

8642

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By Josie - 5/6/2012 04:27 - United States - Florence

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend. There's a short cut to my house by jumping a fence but he insisted that we take the long way because, "Girls don't jump fences." To prove him wrong, I jumped the fence. I fell and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17153

You deserved it

35876

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By SleepIsForTheWeak - 19/3/2015 16:41 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I had to work a double shift after my relief called in "sick" just so he could go to a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30787

You deserved it

2544

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By Kat - 17/9/2009 02:19 - United States

Today, I was trying out for a play I really wanted to be in. After my audition, I was feeling really good. She said she would post the cast list tomorrow. Not knowing where she would post it, I asked her. Her reply? "It doesn't matter. You won't be on it anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39124

You deserved it

3313

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By Photagrapher - 18/8/2010 04:09 - France

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37360

You deserved it

17702

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2017 20:00 - United States - Jackson

Today, a woman came into my life and took all I had left in the world. The woman was my hair stylist. She took my hair and the last of my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6721

You deserved it

1680

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By fuckyoudeadgunnuts - 4/9/2015 14:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26640

You deserved it

2788

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By luckygirl - 6/6/2019 12:09

Today, I have a bad cold, so I've been carrying tissues around with me. I noticed our puppy had pooped on the floor, so I grabbed a napkin and cleaned it up, then threw it away. I then blew my nose with my tissue. Apparently, I threw away my tissue and used the napkin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1583

You deserved it

522

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By pervert - 9/1/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10466

You deserved it

28553

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2018 14:00

Today, I woke up from celebrating my 29th birthday. I guess it's true that tolerance drops quickly as you age, because I stayed in and only drank a few beers with my husband and spent the entire day retching so hard I puked up blood. My partying days are definitely over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2362

You deserved it

366

Favorite

By justgreat - 28/9/2009 15:13 - United States

Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48877

You deserved it

3381

Favorite

By Will this stupid fad ever end? - 6/3/2013 11:51 - United States

Today, instead of actually teaching us something, our college professor excitedly showed us the godawful Harlem Shake video he made with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35519

You deserved it

4906

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2015 09:26 - United States - Lexington

Today, my husband won't seek medical treatment for a condition he's been living with for years because he saw an episode of House, in which the treatment made the condition worse in a very rare instance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24923

You deserved it

1795

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By NotAsGoodAsATruck - 3/6/2018 14:30 - United States - Ludington

Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4014

You deserved it

548

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2018 15:00

Today, my son was expelled from school for bullying. The event in question took place off campus, during spring break, and was a friendly scuff. The iPhone video they used as evidence clearly showed the other boy laughing his head off and both of them sharing a coke afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4729

You deserved it

393

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By PerfectTiming - 8/7/2013 11:19 - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, my dog decided to poop while inside a revolving door. Before I could do anything, the door swung around and smeared it everywhere. My dog excels at timing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48780

You deserved it

4659

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By fucking fuck off - 1/1/2016 14:28 - United States

Today, a customer gave me hell because a high-spec game he bought wouldn't run on his ancient Windows XP PC. I ended up having to profusely apologize and refund him. Whoever coined the phrase "the customer is always right" should probably be shot, run over by a bus, then shot a few more times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26920

You deserved it

1969

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By Animal_aide - 7/1/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31900

You deserved it

2941

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By I_Lossed - 3/11/2009 11:02 - Australia

Today, I asked my girlfriend about a diamond necklace I bought her for her birthday, which she didn't seem to be wearing. She then told me she hocked it to pay for her inexpensive phone bill. I paid $1,500 for that necklace, she received $300 from the pawn shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44318

You deserved it

4746

Favorite

By useyourownbed - 18/9/2012 20:06 - United States - Byron

Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35688

You deserved it

2467

Favorite

By Username - 21/1/2011 03:55

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28089

You deserved it

3608

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By Anonymous - 4/2/2016 22:19

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24149

You deserved it

2539

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2011 18:21 - United States

Today, I finished the first month of a diet and exercise program designed to help me lose weight. To keep myself motivated, I have avoided the scale the entire time. I weighed myself today. I've gained 6 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31556

You deserved it

5918

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/1/2014 20:55 - United States - Gardner

Today, I got my wedding photos back. The only decent picture of my husband and me together also featured a fat guy in a crop top behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47412

You deserved it

5169

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By TCRII - 11/10/2017 22:30 - United States - Springfield

Today, my wife and I agreed to get two horses. She got three horses and a pregnant goat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3278

You deserved it

608

Favorite

By "idefka" - 8/4/2017 02:00

Today, I found myself lying to my diary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4439

You deserved it

1792

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/8/2010 11:53 - Australia

Today, mine and my boyfriend's concerns that we are too loud in bed were definitely confirmed when his entire family stopped the movie they were watching and vacated the cinema room located directly below us. They returned and resumed a while after we were finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8854

You deserved it

36522

Favorite

By just me - 13/5/2012 18:54 - Germany - Overath

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26073

You deserved it

3451

Favorite

By Allergic - 24/1/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40248

You deserved it

3431

Favorite

By Dino - 12/10/2012 06:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32527

You deserved it

2339

Favorite

By fuck you mom - 17/4/2020 20:00

Boozehound

Today, my mom laid into me, calling me a selfish bitch, blaming me for my dad not being around and finally that she should’ve aborted me. All because I couldn't get her booze from the neighborhood market she’s been banned from. I’m not even 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2510

You deserved it

128

Favorite

By earlytermination - 6/9/2015 03:31 - United States

Today, I was visiting my grandmother at her retirement community. Bingo is really popular there and she loves it, so I went thinking it would be a fun activity for us. I won the jackpot and my car got keyed by a group of angry old people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29897

You deserved it

2358

Favorite

By mortified - 22/1/2011 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my dentist pulled a pubic hair out of my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20363

You deserved it

55096

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7464558 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:32

Did it rock you like a hurricane?

By d3rpb0t | 10

#7464555 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:08

Mortal Kombat: The untold chronicles

Seriously though, fyl op, especially if someone else placed them without the consideration of others.

Comments

By 1DisGR8 | 32

#7464552 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:05

That's gotta sting

By d3rpb0t | 10

#7464555 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:08

Mortal Kombat: The untold chronicles

Seriously though, fyl op, especially if someone else placed them without the consideration of others.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7464558 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:32

Did it rock you like a hurricane?

By Justine Malang | 16

#7464564 - Saturday 3 June 2017 5:19

Ohhhhh damn.

By Madrias | 36

#7464593 - Saturday 3 June 2017 7:57

What has 8 legs, looks like a lobster crossed with a nightmare, and has the attitude of an angry wasp?

Well, it's under your foot.

By ghetto_child | 18

#7464599 - Saturday 3 June 2017 8:20

If it wasn't dead then, it is now that you've stepped on it

By Natanaru | 6

#7464659 - Saturday 3 June 2017 11:08

Poor soul. Never been stung by one myself but my grandpa was out for a day when he got stung by one.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7464674 - Saturday 3 June 2017 11:37

I think "scorpion trap" is the most badass thing I've heard all week.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7464730 - Saturday 3 June 2017 14:12

I love the FML title for this one!

By madlove88 | 5

#7465851 - Monday 5 June 2017 22:57

oh dang that sucks.