By sting

Winds of change

Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4953

You deserved it

699

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Understandable

Yappy neighborhood

Does it taste good?

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33086

You deserved it

2600

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my friend why it's inappropriate to conduct a phone conversation while simultaneously eating a bagel, listening to music, and taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26840

You deserved it

3915

Favorite

By Scoopie

Same as "work", "boss" is also a four-letter word

Today, my job offer from 2 weeks ago was rescinded. My "new boss" didn't like my last performance review. I'd spent 30 hours preparing a case study for the second interview. He wants me to be a "standup guy" and withdraw my application voluntarily, so HR doesn't have to get involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5061

You deserved it

312

Favorite

By splooge - United States

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51226

You deserved it

4040

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I fell down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51769

You deserved it

11139

Favorite

By GotPunched - Finland

Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the cute girl was my three years old niece. I lost a tooth because of that punch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

97573

You deserved it

5552

Favorite

By scarred_sibling - United States

Caught red handed

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39262

You deserved it

3017

Favorite

By khlonnae - United States - Dayton

Today, while hanging out with my boyfriend, I started getting ready for bed. As I grabbed my face wipes, he said, “Wait, don't take off your makeup because then you'll be ugly.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks

4194

You deserved it

543

Favorite

By nicky - United Kingdom

Today, I managed to stab myself with a knife while trying to open something without a can opener. After getting stitches and returning back home, I went to make a cup of coffee. I found the can opener in the cutlery drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18082

You deserved it

29241

Favorite

By 43_clothespins_later - United States - Richmond

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40572

You deserved it

7872

Favorite

By fucked - United States - San Francisco

Today, I landed my first job as a security officer. Only after I signed all the paperwork did I find out that the area I'll be working is apparently a hotspot for violent shootings. I'm screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41277

You deserved it

6166

Favorite

By okaydisarray - United States - Dayton

Today, I received a letter from an eBay seller for whom I recently left an honest, negative review. I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly wasn't ready for what spilled out coating my jeans, shoes, and brand new carpet: Glitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19499

You deserved it

3141

Favorite

By thatgirl247 - United States

Today, I decided to check out my school's quarterback's Twitter, since we have a class together. He wrote, "Dear girl in front of me, I thought you were pretty until you turned around." It was funny, until I realized the timestamp was when we have class together, and I sit in front of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42004

You deserved it

5172

Favorite

By Username - France

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32096

You deserved it

2906

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Ballwin

Today, while shaving in the shower, my mother banged on the bathroom door to tell me something, right as I went to shave under my left armpit, causing me to jump and cut open my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26524

You deserved it

2034

Favorite

By assdialed. - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my dad that I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but it left me an accidental voicemail saying "Oh s***, I didn't mean to call her!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35455

You deserved it

2525

Favorite

By Anonymous - Estonia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34595

You deserved it

3190

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sweden - Lidk?ping

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46290

You deserved it

13658

Favorite

By postop - United States - Far Rockaway

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31729

You deserved it

2018

Favorite

By AtheistLookingforRoomie

Today, I had a meeting with a potential roommate to rent a 2/2 space and it was going well. We laughed, joked, and seemed to get along and want the same things. At the end of the conversation, however, he said he needed to "pray" about his decision to room with an atheist. This probably won't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6175

You deserved it

1472

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Merrimack

Today, I found out that my friends only hang out with me so they can play with my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21675

You deserved it

2368

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I woke up to a text from my mother-in-law saying, "Happy birthday! I hope you have great birthday sex!" I'm now afraid to go over there for dinner tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29737

You deserved it

3149

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my toddler stood up in a shopping cart and fell, giving himself a black eye. Later, while at a restaurant, he tried to stand up in his high-chair. I quickly blurted out, "Sit down! Do you want another one of those?" while pointing at his eye. The waiter wouldn’t stop glaring at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46255

You deserved it

10656

Favorite

By 4evalone - United States

WTF dude?

Today, the man I love, who broke my heart by leaving me a few months ago, showed up to a family event and pulled off the most elaborate, romantic proposal I've ever seen. He was proposing to my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27228

You deserved it

1639

Favorite

By Distracted - United States - Greenfield

Today, I was driving and someone was following me across the city and wouldn't let up, so I drove past my house, thinking it was a stalker. Eventually I lost them on the highway. It wasn't until I'd gotten back home that I remembered that my 'stalker' was a coworker I'd invited over for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16418

You deserved it

41803

Favorite

By TerribleAddiction - United States

Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31375

You deserved it

3329

Favorite

By hotmess - United States - Katy

Today, my boyfriend stopped by my house after work because he missed me. We made out for a bit outside, which involved some touching and then he left. When I got inside, I got a Facebook message from my older neighbor that read, "That was gross. Please don't do that again in front of me. Really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13154

You deserved it

8204

Favorite

By S - United States

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60622

You deserved it

8427

Favorite

By nothungry - United States

Today, after four years of anorexia and lots of recovery, my parents took me out to dinner with my counselor and whole family to celebrate my progress. I ended up eating something that made me vomit everything I ate. My parents now think I am bulmic and are sending me back to counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53215

You deserved it

5126

Favorite

By rmo1776 - United States

Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12976

You deserved it

48895

Favorite

By No-Sleep Nellie - United States - Waterloo

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26803

You deserved it

1695

Favorite

By leafscupwin - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the person that interviewed me for a job was the same person I called a "fat bitch" at a baseball game after she knocked over my drink while she was dancing. She recognized me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10041

You deserved it

45031

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24773

You deserved it

4673

Favorite

By depressedskatergirl - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had a big figure skating competition. Many of the girls before me fell or did not execute their jumps correctly. Me? I skated a flawless program. I was placed last because they said I didn't push myself hard enough to the point of falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44287

You deserved it

3060

Favorite

By Jon - United States

Today, I hit a horrible tee shot from the 18th hole. I decided to use my driver to take my frustration out on a nearby bush. The bees who lived in that bush decided to use their stingers to take out their frustration up inside my golf shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13595

You deserved it

69695

Favorite

By gkline09 - United States

Today, I walked out to my car to see a broken window, a bunch of stuff missing, egg shells, and a note that read "stop banging my boyfriend". I haven't had anyone in over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60949

You deserved it

3060

Favorite

By Ophelia - United States - Hudson

Today, a realtor came to take a look at my house. I had worked all morning to make it look lovely. When they took pictures, I explained a number of ways I could change things so everything would look as good as possible. After the house tour, they told me it should be bulldozed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12777

You deserved it

1042

Favorite

By enya - Luxembourg

Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21980

You deserved it

1427

Favorite

By nodullmoment - United States - Lafayette

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56015

You deserved it

3170

Favorite

By my dumb bro - United States - Gillham

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

55291

You deserved it

8745

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7464558 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:32

Did it rock you like a hurricane?

By d3rpb0t | 10

#7464555 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:08

Mortal Kombat: The untold chronicles

Seriously though, fyl op, especially if someone else placed them without the consideration of others.

COMMENTS

By 1DisGR8 | 32

#7464552 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:05

That's gotta sting

By d3rpb0t | 10

#7464555 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:08

Mortal Kombat: The untold chronicles

Seriously though, fyl op, especially if someone else placed them without the consideration of others.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7464558 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:32

Did it rock you like a hurricane?

By Justine Malang | 16

#7464564 - Saturday 3 June 2017 5:19

Ohhhhh damn.

By Madrias | 36

#7464593 - Saturday 3 June 2017 7:57

What has 8 legs, looks like a lobster crossed with a nightmare, and has the attitude of an angry wasp?

Well, it's under your foot.

By ghetto_child | 19

#7464599 - Saturday 3 June 2017 8:20

If it wasn't dead then, it is now that you've stepped on it

By Natanaru | 6

#7464659 - Saturday 3 June 2017 11:08

Poor soul. Never been stung by one myself but my grandpa was out for a day when he got stung by one.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7464674 - Saturday 3 June 2017 11:37

I think "scorpion trap" is the most badass thing I've heard all week.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7464730 - Saturday 3 June 2017 14:12

I love the FML title for this one!

By madlove88 | 5

#7465851 - Monday 5 June 2017 22:57

oh dang that sucks.