By sting

Winds of change

Today, I stepped on a glue trap for scorpions. Bare foot. There was a scorpion already caught on it. It wasn't dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4969

You deserved it

704

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Fresh air

Out of the frying pan

Slasher

By Anonymous

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24181

You deserved it

2547

Favorite

By beka

Today, after our housing offer was accepted, I told my parents. The only response was, “That’s a much nicer house than I had when I got married, I hope you can afford furniture.” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2119

You deserved it

248

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/8/2020 23:01

Sounds reasonable

Today, my husband refuses to have sex with me, ever since I told him I wanted to try for a baby. When I asked him why, he said it was because he likes lack of responsibility and money in the bank more than the thought of a screaming baby, no sleep and strong suicidal urges. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1102

You deserved it

1651

Favorite

By goingdownhillfast

Today, after getting her "out-of-office" email, I realized that my coworker is on vacation this week. We're doing our final presentation for a major project on Thursday, and she hasn't finished her part. I guess I won't be sleeping this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4286

You deserved it

296

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 23:01 - United States - San Jose

Looks like we made it… Oh.

Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1175

You deserved it

165

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Trenton

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63601

You deserved it

9057

Favorite

By Why Me - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33967

You deserved it

2773

Favorite

By tbree - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44919

You deserved it

4451

Favorite

By Dean - United States

Today, after months of constant encouragement from my friends, I went and entered a singing contest. I sang and was booed off stage. Later on I found out my friends lied to me about my ability to sing, just so I could give them a cheap laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31824

You deserved it

6563

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1791

You deserved it

696

Favorite

By too good - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44878

You deserved it

14450

Favorite

By livin - United States

Today, I found out that on Wednesday, when I have 2 exams, I'm called to testify in court. If I go to court, I cannot make the exams. If I take the exams, I'll be held in contempt and arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47064

You deserved it

5908

Favorite

By So not a Luke - 11/3/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Damn Luke

Today, a very large guy came up and asked if I was Luke. Before I could explain that Luke’s my cousin and that we do look like twins, he picked me up off the ground and hung me by my belt loops from a metal fence, telling me to stay away from his aunt. I had to undo my pants in public to climb down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1124

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Rapid City

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26666

You deserved it

6658

Favorite

By ekoblick - United States

Today, I got food poisoning from my wedding food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41260

You deserved it

3902

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/4/2021 17:00

Communication Breakdown

Today, I just called my now ex-girlfriend to break up with her, due to our insurmountable lack of communication, even though I was in therapy for four months to try and keep the relationship afloat. Before breaking up, she'd blocked me on Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Instagram for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks

720

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By gotta love my momma - United States - Folsom

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36107

You deserved it

11220

Favorite

By Naked and Afraid - United States - New Braunfels

Today, my girlfriend's grandparents walked in on us getting intimate. She immediately ran to the bathroom, leaving me alone with them. They only speak Spanish, which is not my first language. We discussed the movie she and I were "watching", all while I was naked under the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3121

You deserved it

442

Favorite

By heartless - United States

Today, my mom told me she can't wait for me to turn eighteen so she can turn my room into a place for her to display all her antique glass dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25468

You deserved it

2494

Favorite

By Tallow101 - United States

Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56723

You deserved it

6627

Favorite

By Anonymous

Increase school funding, please?

Today, my teacher began to explain Veterans' Day and why it's on 11/11 to a new student from Iran. He said he already knew, but this was news to almost everyone else in the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1271

You deserved it

178

Favorite

By smooth - United States

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61500

You deserved it

13972

Favorite

By Chubby - United States

Today, I told my boss about a coworker that had been hitting on me. She looked me dead in the eye and said "I was afraid that would happen. He's a bit of a chubby chaser." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37084

You deserved it

5152

Favorite

By ouch - United States - Livonia

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was so angry, she stabbed me in the hand with a plastic fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13283

You deserved it

1995

Favorite

By Betterthanthis - United States - New Berlin

Subtle differences

Today, when my boss said, "Don't worry, I know all the requirements," she actually meant, "I know nothing, and will scream at you in rage because you cannot psychically divine all the requirements the day before a major holiday when no one is available to talk to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20947

You deserved it

1475

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44944

You deserved it

5507

Favorite

By Otherguy - France

Today, I was at a restaurant with a girl I like, and as I was getting my wallet out, I dropped a condom. She didn't see anything, and I didn't dare pick it up in case I drew attention to the "object". The waiter walked past, picked up, and held it out to me with a huge grin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36886

You deserved it

9368

Favorite

By AndI'veHadChildren - United States

Today, I was passing a kidney stone. I had to go to the ER but had no one to take me, so I drove myself. They made me wait 3 hours because it was suspicious that someone in "so much pain" could drive. It was the largest stone that doctor had seen in his career. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4517

You deserved it

211

Favorite

By anun - Australia

Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31748

You deserved it

7005

Favorite

By MorganRox26 - Canada

Today, I was looking through pictures on Facebook. There was a picture of me and my friends with the caption "I love you guys!" below. I had been cropped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33463

You deserved it

3029

Favorite

By our kids will be derps - Canada - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks

47388

You deserved it

6914

Favorite

By lambxox - United States

Today, when I signed into Amazon, their top recommendation for me based on past purchases was "The Brave Little Toaster" on DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10325

You deserved it

25758

Favorite

By Deaf and Dumb

Today, while on the bus, the girl in front of me asked me if I could find the orange she'd dropped. I couldn't see it, but when I told her that there was no orange there, she gave me the strangest look. She'd said ring, not orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3941

You deserved it

575

Favorite

By Username

Today, I was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because I won't help my brother get a girlfriend. He's gay, but won't tell her because he thinks it's hilarious when she yells at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39975

You deserved it

4885

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Troy

Today, I saw some pretty heinous graffiti on the urinal stall at school, so I opted to scribble it out. A supervisor came in the second the pen touched the stall. Now I have detention and have to scrub the entire stall clean as a "lesson". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4279

You deserved it

1647

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I were looking for a new house. The open house we were in had a strange floral scent to entice the buyers. I am three months pregnant and have horrible morning sickness. I threw up all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52143

You deserved it

4778

Favorite

By Bruja5 - United States

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29246

You deserved it

6103

Favorite

By Nuttjacob - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that you can get carpal tunnel from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14304

You deserved it

41437

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61383

You deserved it

4551

Favorite

By AzNFoo - United States

Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13541

You deserved it

121223

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7464558 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:32

Did it rock you like a hurricane?

By d3rpb0t | 10

#7464555 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:08

Mortal Kombat: The untold chronicles

Seriously though, fyl op, especially if someone else placed them without the consideration of others.

COMMENTS

By 1DisGR8 | 32

#7464552 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:05

That's gotta sting

By d3rpb0t | 10

#7464555 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:08

Mortal Kombat: The untold chronicles

Seriously though, fyl op, especially if someone else placed them without the consideration of others.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7464558 - Saturday 3 June 2017 4:32

Did it rock you like a hurricane?

By Justine Malang | 16

#7464564 - Saturday 3 June 2017 5:19

Ohhhhh damn.

By Madrias | 36

#7464593 - Saturday 3 June 2017 7:57

What has 8 legs, looks like a lobster crossed with a nightmare, and has the attitude of an angry wasp?

Well, it's under your foot.

By ghetto_child | 19

#7464599 - Saturday 3 June 2017 8:20

If it wasn't dead then, it is now that you've stepped on it

By Natanaru | 6

#7464659 - Saturday 3 June 2017 11:08

Poor soul. Never been stung by one myself but my grandpa was out for a day when he got stung by one.

By Lalala579121 | 27

#7464674 - Saturday 3 June 2017 11:37

I think "scorpion trap" is the most badass thing I've heard all week.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7464730 - Saturday 3 June 2017 14:12

I love the FML title for this one!

By madlove88 | 5

#7465851 - Monday 5 June 2017 22:57

oh dang that sucks.