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Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2015 at 3:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, a customer, who was also on his phone, rudely asked what kinds of bread we had for his sandwich. After I told him we had many different kinds to offer, he cut me off, told me to stop playing stupid, and stormed out after holding up a long line of people. FML

by breadcrumb / 07/06/2015 at 2:03am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML

by Already Broke Asf / 11/17/2015 at 8:51pm / United States (South Carolina) / Money

Today, I found out my landlord is too cheap to turn up the hot water tank enough to have a comfortable shower. There's a huge padlock on the door, she won't budge, and I'm signed in until December. FML

by frigid / 10/11/2011 at 9:05pm / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2010 at 12:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

by elcee1987 / 10/06/2015 at 4:42pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my dad got a hard-on looking at my best friend. He asked me how my NutriSystem diet was going. He was looking at my friend's boobs when he asked me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2010 at 7:23am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, at college, I asked the girl who usually sits next to me if she wanted to team up on our latest assignment. She gave me a disgusted look, said "Um, I'm MARRIED. Creep." and walked away. Seriously, what the fuck? FML

by kevinfmls / 01/15/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a job in my university library. My job title is technical services. My actual job is pulling off the book label for the scanner and putting a new one on. For six hours a day. FML

by danrocketman / 10/05/2010 at 1:16am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

by kl / 10/26/2009 at 2:15am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

by stoopidpoop / 02/04/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

by Lily / 09/02/2015 at 6:09am / Austria (Wien) / Health

Today, after seeing a girl for a few weeks on and off I sent her a text to see if she wanted to go out the next saturday. Predictive text changed "go" to "in". So..."Why don't we in out on saturday?" She stopped calling me. FML

by Noname / 12/30/2008 at 11:53am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love