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Today, my dog was licking the dishes in the dishwasher when his collar got stuck on it. Then he got scared of the dishwasher rack following him and ran away really fast. Now I have no dishes. FML

Today, my girlfriend jumped into my arms for a kiss. She's done it before, but this time I wasn't expecting it. I fell backwards, straight through my glass coffee table. FML

#21502189
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23216) - you deserved it (1943)

On 12/10/2015 at 8:45am - health - by fucking SUCKS let's do it LIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEE! (man) - United States

Today, I went on a date with someone I considered a real catch, my potential soulmate even. He ended up telling me about his fetish for "female smells", sang loudly in Italian in a crowded restaurant, and ate most of the food on my plate. Man, fuck dating. FML

#21458335
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23216) - you deserved it (2435)

On 08/20/2015 at 2:02am - love - by Catsfordays - United States (California)

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

#20090730
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23214) - you deserved it (7926)

On 09/27/2012 at 7:37am - misc - by red (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mother had 'the talk' with me about sex. I spent the entire time confused as to what brought this up, until she mentioned she had found a used condom in the backseat of the car. I haven't had any action in it, and have no idea whose it was. FML

#5784290
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23213) - you deserved it (2100)

On 10/11/2009 at 9:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my two moms were telling some fairly obscene jokes about their sex life. When I told them to stop making such vulgar jokes, they turned to me and said, "What makes you think we were joking?" They then clarified that they were in fact being completely serious. FML

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

#20057693
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23211) - you deserved it (4359)

On 09/04/2012 at 5:55pm - health - by freakingout (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

#5702503
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23209) - you deserved it (3137)

On 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by fatnick (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized just how bad my problem with making eye contact is, when I caught myself looking the other way when the singer in a music video looked directly at the camera. FML

#19522218
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23206) - you deserved it (4731)

On 04/24/2012 at 2:49pm - misc - by suhleedah18 - United States

Today, I found out my landlord is too cheap to turn up the hot water tank enough to have a comfortable shower. There's a huge padlock on the door, she won't budge, and I'm signed in until December. FML

#17962852
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23205) - you deserved it (2207)

On 10/11/2011 at 9:05pm - misc - by frigid - (Alberta)

Today, my deranged co-worker sent me a text message containing a picture that she just took of her uncle. It was his funeral. FML

#9083154
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23205) - you deserved it (1895)

On 03/14/2010 at 8:20pm - misc - by thanatophobia - Sent from mobile version

Today, I told my girlfriend's father that I wanted to talk about his daughter. I then went on to tell him I was thinking about 'popping the cherry', instead of 'popping the question'. FML

#7883509
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23203) - you deserved it (12932)

On 02/04/2010 at 7:29pm - intimacy - by stoopidpoop (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that after three years of telling my boss our strategy wasn't going to work, that I was right - it didn't work. I also found out that because it didn't work, I lost my job. My boss still has his. FML

#21469422
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23203) - you deserved it (1475)

On 09/17/2015 at 3:14am - work - by Unemployed (man) -



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