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Today, I had a hour long conversation with someone I apparently was friends with a few years ago. I couldn't remember who he was for the life of me, so I just played along. Finally, I told him I didn't remember him. He had the wrong number. I had a long conversation with a wrong number. FML

#1833844
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15165) - you deserved it (47748)

On 05/11/2009 at 12:46am - misc - by lostintellct (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

#15232480
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15162) - you deserved it (33288)

On 03/07/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by tatfreak (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

#17113139
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15162) - you deserved it (65297)

On 07/14/2011 at 9:51pm - kids - by anon (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

#7025515
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15161) - you deserved it (2545)

On 12/29/2009 at 11:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I played a table tennis final in public. After winning, I went to shake my opponent's hand. He doesn't react or move. It was only the first set. FML

#560
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15160) - you deserved it (10060)

On 12/21/2008 at 2:00am - misc - by Bito - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

#20566415
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15155) - you deserved it (56531)

On 03/30/2013 at 1:19am - kids - by crunknasty - United States (California)

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML

#20587700
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15155) - you deserved it (95807)

On 04/13/2013 at 7:22am - misc - by mets300 - United States (New York)

Today, I left my empty shower running so I could pretend I didn't still live alone. FML

#18790783
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15146) - you deserved it (25454)

On 01/12/2012 at 10:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, due to an unforeseen pipe-related incident, I had to shave my legs in my backyard fish pond, while a plumber assessed the damage to my war-zone of a bathroom. FML

#19679024
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15145) - you deserved it (2904)

On 05/25/2012 at 3:59pm - misc - by KieRendan (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

#19239456
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15138) - you deserved it (51668)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

#16689937
498 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15137) - you deserved it (217523)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:20am - intimacy - by crushed dreams - United States

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML

#18239656
301 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15134) - you deserved it (52786)

On 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm - misc - by shootme - Canada

Today, I spent four hours practicing funny voices. I have literally nothing better to do all day. FML

#1292
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15126) - you deserved it (7324)

On 01/15/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by Mystery LeRale - United States (Maryland)



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