Scarred for life

By Coco - 23/10/2022 10:00

Today, my son confessed to me that the reason he'd rather die single is because my husband and I are so toxic to each other, as we end up arguing over even petty things, yet we still refuse to divorce after 30 years. Therefore, we're to blame for "leaving him traumatized and terrified of marrying". He is 22. FML
I agree, your life sucks 196
You deserved it 2 080

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Well yes that is the normal outcome for toxicity we experience in childhood, leaves marks. I don't do weddings or getting married, I have zero examples of real life happy marriage. My partner doesn't do a drop of alcohol like most of people I grew up with due to alcohol being abused in family. This is called learning from others mistakes. As many as carry the experience on into their life and repeated for themselves, there are people who decide to eliminate this opportunity at the roots.

Give your son my sympathies. It's tough trying to be an adult when the other adults in your life are narcissistic assholes who constantly argue instead of communicating properly.

Comments

Well yes that is the normal outcome for toxicity we experience in childhood, leaves marks. I don't do weddings or getting married, I have zero examples of real life happy marriage. My partner doesn't do a drop of alcohol like most of people I grew up with due to alcohol being abused in family. This is called learning from others mistakes. As many as carry the experience on into their life and repeated for themselves, there are people who decide to eliminate this opportunity at the roots.

TomeDr 24

I get that. My dad, the son of an alcoholic, never drank himself. He said he never wanted to put his own kids what he went through.

dragonladiesfire 19

I like the way you explained this.

Give your son my sympathies. It's tough trying to be an adult when the other adults in your life are narcissistic assholes who constantly argue instead of communicating properly.

If everybody who was a product of a toxic marriage never got married, the human race would quickly go extinct.

nah, would still have plenty of babies. just no piece of paper that's nothing more than government interference

littl3storm 29

take accountability for your actions and maybe reflect on what your son has said. growing up in a toxic household, from my experience, can turn you away from certain things, such as marriage, in an attempt to nip things in the bud and to not recreate 'unsavoury' childhood experiences in adulthood. basically, we don't want to make the same mistakes as our parents.

my little cousin is usually a brat even at 10, because my uncle and his baby mama were so toxic to eachother, and only got married and stayed together because she was pregnant. neither parent is a great role model but both feed into whatever the child wants in order to make the other look bad, OR they handle every issue with screaming and emptying the house of every toy or game as punishment. their is no consistency or balance in reward/punishment because they treat it like war.

You could always do what my parents did and pressure him into it, especially if there’s a girl in the picture already and he’s caught any feelings at all. I mean, two decades later you’ll be on the hook when she leaves him, but at least you’ll get a wedding and GRANDBABIES!!!!!!!!!!!!! And that just makes everything worth it, right?

um, it is your fault. it's entirely your/your husband's fault. his main example of marriage is constant fighting and misery. he doesn't want a life like that and he doesn't know anything better.

dragonladiesfire 19

That's how trauma works, dear. Atleast he's taking a minute to tell you how he feels and how it's effected him. After all, he didn't owe you an explanation. Instead of being on FML to gain sympathy, perhaps reflect on your own actions and choices and think hard about how its effected your son mentally. Then maybe you and him can work together to get him through it. It sounds like maybe you should reevaluate your marriage as well. Even if your son did want a wife & kids, what makes you think that he'd bring them around you and your husband's toxicity?