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Today, my grandpa came over to help paint our house, as we are renovating it. The only paint clothes he decided to wear were his underpants. The neighbours and builders found this quite amusing. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2011 at 4:14am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

by justwow / 03/21/2012 at 7:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 4:58pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for 20 minutes because of a football game. FML

by seminole711 / 09/20/2009 at 10:17am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to do my leaf collection project for biology, which ended with me being hospitalized because of an allergy attack. I have no idea what I'm allergic to, but my doctor says I should just assume I'm "allergic to all leaves, ever." FML

by leaftheerickson / 10/21/2012 at 6:31am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

by fatnick / 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I trimmed my beard. When I showed my wife, she said, "Yeah, but you still look like a serial killer." FML

by Schaf_12 / 06/16/2012 at 2:10pm / Austria (Wien) / Love

Today, I finished moving cross-country and signed a 13 month lease to be closer to my on-again / off-again boyfriend of the past five years. I showed up at his place to borrow his truck just as his "local" girlfriend was leaving. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2009 at 2:22am / United States (Nevada) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my drunk mother got into a fight with the lady at Krystal burger. Why? "Because the bitch said they aren't making special orders." FML

by Krit / 02/10/2010 at 10:10am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

by brokenhome / 01/24/2011 at 10:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

by Anna / 04/06/2009 at 6:41am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

by Lily / 09/02/2015 at 6:09am / Austria (Wien) / Health

Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML

by beatenbyabum / 06/12/2009 at 4:45pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.