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Today, I saw an article about how some people think internet access is more important than sex. I asked my boyfriend which he thought was more important. He chose internet access. FML

by justwow / 03/21/2012 at 7:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

by Crystal / 01/10/2009 at 3:21am / Animals

Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML

by Uproar / 10/17/2012 at 7:00pm / Iceland / Kids

Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2015 at 1:49am / United States (California) / Work

Today, when I woke up, one half of my face was smooth and clear and the other half looked as if I got slapped by the Hand of Puberty itself. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2015 at 1:47pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

by elcee1987 / 10/06/2015 at 4:42pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

by Emily / 11/12/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

by EyeSeeYou / 05/02/2012 at 2:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 2:16am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

by brokenhome / 01/24/2011 at 10:18pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

by ohcrap / 11/07/2012 at 8:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML

by bitch / 10/07/2013 at 3:37am / Australia / Work

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2015 at 8:08am / United States / Love