Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML

by justabitembarrassed / 10/07/2012 at 10:20am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, after 4 days of avoiding me and screening his calls, my 24-year-old boyfriend sent his mother to break up with me on his behalf. FML

by coward / 10/03/2015 at 6:13am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I got back my history paper. The whole paper had been crossed out and at the end, my professor had written "Really?!" I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

Today, I went to get a scratch off lottery ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same one I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks. FML

by steveinnewsoh / 01/18/2009 at 2:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, in the second week of August, hell has come to earth; my mom has been playing Christmas music all afternoon and is already searching online for decorations. I hope she buys a length of rope to go with them, because I've already given up on life. FML

by brbkillingmyself / 08/08/2015 at 6:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my sister has a yeast infection. How, you ask? Her tube of yeast infection cream and my tube of toothpaste look remarkably similar. I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2015 at 5:57pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that Nyquil has such an amazing effect on me, that it won't even allow me to wake up to go to the bathroom. FML

by Nyquilwtf / 09/23/2012 at 1:03am / United States / Health

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

by Andrew / 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2012 at 4:38pm / Netherlands / Health

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

by ohcrap / 11/07/2012 at 8:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

by MY CAR / 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

by anon / 07/11/2015 at 8:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation

Today, I was putting a wooden shelf into my new TV stand. Right before I put it in, I rested it on my leg. I then realized that the wood was of poor quality, and it gave me splinters. Now, I can't remove the splinters, because I can't find their exact location under my really hairy legs. FML

by HairyLeggedItalian / 05/24/2010 at 1:21am / United States (Arizona) / Health