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Today, some friends got upset with me as I wouldn't leave work early and cycle 12 miles to meet them to fix their punctures because they had no spare tubes or repair kits. The same friends that always mock me for being so prepared on bike rides. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 5:20am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing GTA4 and went on its fake dating site to email a girl to go on a date with. I've never had much luck with dating in real life, so I figured the game would be more kind to me. After a while I went back to check my email, and the fake girl I'd propositioned told me to get lost. FML

by Danno / 01/01/2009 at 1:22pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, I had an extreme panic attack in the middle of class. I interrupted another person's presentation, burst into tears, and ran out of class whilst everyone looked at me. FML

by siddance / 09/04/2015 at 2:08pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML

by beatenbyabum / 06/12/2009 at 4:45pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, some guy I don't know walked up to me and told me that he's determined to sleep with my girlfriend, then walked away while giving me the finger. I've never seen him before in my life. FML

by MystoganFT / 12/16/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my dog was licking the dishes in the dishwasher when his collar got stuck on it. Then he got scared of the dishwasher rack following him and ran away really fast. Now I have no dishes. FML

Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML

by need my own place / 10/24/2015 at 7:24pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML

by pregnantapparently / 12/10/2015 at 1:45pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, the only thing that managed to get me out of bed was scrambling to watch my neighbours have a screaming match in the middle of our street about which one of their brain-dead kids spray-painted "CUNT FLAPS" and a rudimentary knob on the communal garage door. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2011 at 10:05am / United Kingdom / Health

Today, at university I was tearing off some "Help Japan" posters off the wall, figuring that they have been up for a while. Just as a group of visiting Japanese reporters passed by. FML

by facepalmface / 12/05/2011 at 9:34am / United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that Nyquil has such an amazing effect on me, that it won't even allow me to wake up to go to the bathroom. FML

by Nyquilwtf / 09/23/2012 at 1:03am / United States / Health

Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most amazing time with my girlfriend, catching it all on tape. When I got back to South America, I realized someone had stolen my camera. FML

by Wex / 01/09/2009 at 4:02am / Chile (Antofagasta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized just how bad my problem with making eye contact is, when I caught myself looking the other way when the singer in a music video looked directly at the camera. FML

by suhleedah18 / 04/24/2012 at 2:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous