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Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML

by pregnantapparently / 12/10/2015 at 1:45pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my boss made up a rumor that I was quitting my job so I wouldn't get the promotion that was coming up. There goes that raise I've been wanting for six months. FML

by thisbethed / 11/02/2015 at 5:26pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

by EvilBubbles / 01/08/2015 at 10:45pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML

by Lily / 06/09/2012 at 7:43pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I finally realized how stupid I am, when I answered a question correctly in class and my teacher started clapping and cheering. FML

by dumbgirl4lyf / 10/01/2012 at 2:24pm / Ireland (Monaghan) / Miscellaneous

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

by EpicFail / 01/11/2009 at 3:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I had to give a speech but I wasn't prepared. I decided to give it anyway. While giving the speech, I got so nervous I passed out. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2010 at 9:45am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at university I was tearing off some "Help Japan" posters off the wall, figuring that they have been up for a while. Just as a group of visiting Japanese reporters passed by. FML

by facepalmface / 12/05/2011 at 9:34am / United Arab Emirates (Abu Dhabi) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dog was licking the dishes in the dishwasher when his collar got stuck on it. Then he got scared of the dishwasher rack following him and ran away really fast. Now I have no dishes. FML

Today, I found out my fiancée has been sleeping with the salesman I bought her engagement ring from. He knew. FML

by FML / 01/19/2016 at 1:41am / United States / Love

Today, I got call from the manager for a company I applied for. Turns out, he mixed up my friend's phone number with mine, since we applied on the same day, so the manager accidentally hired her instead of me. He said the position is still mine if I want it, but they will have to let her go. FML

by speaknoevil1 / 01/29/2016 at 1:03am / United States (Florida) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.