Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

#20097230
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20956) - you deserved it (1501)

On 10/01/2012 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML

#21428778
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20949) - you deserved it (12937)

On 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, while driving my car near a farm, I hit a man on the side of the road. I started freaking out and got out of the car to help him. It was then that I found out that I'd hit a scarecrow. FML

#19457431
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20947) - you deserved it (6769)

On 04/12/2012 at 7:53pm - misc - by questionmark707 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by offering me a foot massage to ease my sore feet after a run. I asked for a lot of pressure. Now I'm back home in a walking boot after being diagnosed with a fractured fifth metatarsal bone. FML

#21458628
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20947) - you deserved it (4810)

On 08/20/2015 at 9:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, at college, I found a lanyard with some keys and a YMCA member's card attached. Hoping to find contact details, I googled the name on the back of the card, just in time for him to return and see me looking through his Facebook profile like some kind of stalker. FML

#17760345
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20945) - you deserved it (11929)

On 09/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I wrote the most beautiful college application essay ever, ten minutes before the online deadline. Instead of clicking "submit", I clicked the button next to it that said "return". The entire essay vanished into internet wasteland. FML

#5853326
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20944) - you deserved it (42517)

On 10/16/2009 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I bought my nephew some giant green Incredible Hulk fists for his birthday. He thanked me by Hulk-smashing me in the nuts. FML

#20086472
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20943) - you deserved it (5834)

On 09/24/2012 at 10:33am - kids - by smashed (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend's new favorite TV show is Law and Order SVU. Now after every episode she insists on asking me if I'm sure I wasn't molested as a kid. She's still on the first season. FML

#20123502
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20942) - you deserved it (1662)

On 10/19/2012 at 2:41am - misc - by soprahb - United States

Today, it's my best friend's birthday. It's also the first year I've had her gift purchased, wrapped and mailed on time. The post office lost the parcel. FML

Today, the only person to wish me a happy birthday was a survey website. I took their stupid survey out of appreciation. FML

#19391757
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20937) - you deserved it (2019)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

#21106752
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20936) - you deserved it (46277)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML

#20109013
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20935) - you deserved it (1936)

On 10/09/2012 at 12:07pm - work - by yolo is for shitheads - United States

Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML

#21451712
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20933) - you deserved it (14695)

On 08/04/2015 at 9:31am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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