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Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML

by Uproar / 10/17/2012 at 7:00pm / Iceland / Kids

Today, I yawned so hard that I dislocated my jaw completely, then had to ask to be excused from class in front of 30 people with my mouth hanging open. FML

by 4lphab3t4 / 11/12/2015 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized just how bad my 28-year-old husband's gamer rage is when I came home to a smashed TV. This is the second TV in three months that he's destroyed. FML

by Anonymous / 09/20/2012 at 8:31am / United States / Geek

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

by ohcrap / 11/07/2012 at 8:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had finally summoned the courage to break up with my boyfriend, something I've needed to do for a long time. Right before my speech, he presented me with tickets to my favorite band a month from now. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2015 at 10:47pm / United States / Love

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2015 at 9:58am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, my entire region received record rainfall, with torrential downpours all day and night. Today was also the day I discovered my car's sunroof leaks, when I was greeted with two inches of standing water in my floorboards. FML

by waterlogged / 09/22/2010 at 12:14am / United States / Transportation

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

by EyeSeeYou / 05/02/2012 at 2:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

by Lily / 09/02/2015 at 6:09am / Austria (Wien) / Health

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 2:16am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, my neighbors got a motion sensor light that points at my window. It's so sensitive that it goes off every time an insect flies past. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 2:25am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2012 at 3:43pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2016 at 1:23pm / Miscellaneous