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Today, I was throwing rocks into a pond while our class was on a field trip. The teacher started to pass around an old rare civil war bullet. As the bullet got to me, I threw another rock in the river, only to notice a rock in my hand and the bullet gone. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2014 at 9:29pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2010 at 12:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML

by sad sack. / 01/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. I said thank you but informed him that my birthday is tomorrow. He told me that I was wrong and screamed at me for 20 minutes. When I still wouldn't agree with him, he hung up and turned my phone service off. FML

by InterestingMuch / 08/18/2015 at 10:48am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was practicing for a choir concert that I have next week. My mom walked into my room and listened to me for a little while. After I finished the last song, she smiled, patted me on the head and said, "It's okay honey, I can't sing either." FML

by Ellie / 05/08/2012 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother, the plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

by Anonymous / 06/06/2012 at 8:55am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I had to explain to my boss that I was late to work because somehow my hand slipped when I was brushing my teeth, and I hit myself in the eye with the brush. I had to remove my contacts, wash my eye, and find my glasses. He didn't believe me, but at least my eye is minty fresh. FML

by sarika / 07/23/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, I was trying to work out, and couldn't even complete an exercise regime meant for 50-year-olds. I'm 24. FML

by Anonymous / 07/21/2015 at 1:50pm / India (Karnataka) / Health

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for 20 minutes because of a football game. FML

by seminole711 / 09/20/2009 at 10:17am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I finished moving cross-country and signed a 13 month lease to be closer to my on-again / off-again boyfriend of the past five years. I showed up at his place to borrow his truck just as his "local" girlfriend was leaving. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2009 at 2:22am / United States (Nevada) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I received yet another letter from a relative bitching me out for not involving my parents in my wedding. The parents who showed no interest in our relationship and then yelled at my fiancé and me when we announced it to them, calling us stupid, naive, heathens, and mentally ill. FML

by TheyObjectToTheUnholyUnion / 01/29/2016 at 7:51am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

by fuckinghicks / 12/30/2012 at 6:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a job in my university library. My job title is technical services. My actual job is pulling off the book label for the scanner and putting a new one on. For six hours a day. FML

by danrocketman / 10/05/2010 at 1:16am / United States (Texas) / Work