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Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

#813501
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15819) - you deserved it (57762)

On 04/05/2009 at 4:48am - work - by HDCkid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML

#5425393
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15818) - you deserved it (37883)

On 09/23/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by fmlxxxx (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I was singing one of my favorite songs in my car while at a red light. A guy made it a point to get my attention and said, "If you're really going to sing that bad, you should probably roll your windows up." FML

#20126033
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15809) - you deserved it (10484)

On 10/21/2012 at 12:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

#20087001
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15806) - you deserved it (19852)

On 09/24/2012 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by foreveralone (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I had two 100's and two singles in my wallet. The two 100's was for my electric bill and the two singles were for the bus. Once I got off the bus and to the electric company, I noticed only my singles were there. Turns out I paid the bus driver $200. FML

#13570678
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15807) - you deserved it (36465)

On 10/24/2010 at 12:37am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

#5542217
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15804) - you deserved it (36142)

On 09/29/2009 at 1:26am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

#154795
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15797) - you deserved it (34692)

On 02/27/2009 at 6:09pm - misc - by tan disaster - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML

#13980533
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15794) - you deserved it (35358)

On 11/25/2010 at 10:28pm - misc - by saywhat (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML

#1176288
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15792) - you deserved it (117867)

On 04/20/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Damnlife123 (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, a stoplight turned yellow as I was approaching it. I was about to go through but saw a cop, panicked, and slammed on the brakes. I ended up in the middle of the intersection and had to reverse. Soon the light turned green, and I stepped on the gas. My car was still in reverse. FML

#142298
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15791) - you deserved it (49897)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:17am - misc - by River (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

#21353788
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15791) - you deserved it (33920)

On 02/10/2015 at 11:58pm - misc - by randomdude3890 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

#20093112
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15787) - you deserved it (16328)

On 09/29/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by mustachioed (woman) - United States

Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML

#2010345
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15785) - you deserved it (56081)

On 05/17/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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