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Today, while watching The Many Adventures of Winnie-the-Pooh with my 5 year old, I realized why the kangaroo's name is Kanga, and why her son's name is Roo. Kanga-Roo. Get it? Yeah. I didn't until today. I'm 47. FML

by slightlyslow / 07/02/2009 at 4:33pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2012 at 3:43pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

by so_this_is_me / 08/13/2015 at 1:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was lobstering. While I was getting bands, my co-worker decided it would be funny to make a lobster pinch my ear. it was a 4 pound lobster, and my ear was swollen for 5 hours. FML

by Fonzie34 / 02/28/2010 at 9:42pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Animals

Today, I was walking down the road when a twat on a quad-bike smashed into my leg. It seems that I should've been "walking on the right side of the pavement." FML

by LukeyBoy / 11/09/2011 at 5:57am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm sick. I got the flu shot for the first time ever this year and for the first time in my life, I have the flu. FML

by cyantist / 01/23/2009 at 3:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

by EvilBubbles / 01/08/2015 at 10:45pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2012 at 6:33pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a concert with my new boyfriend. I had a panic attack halfway through and an ambulance picked me up. My boyfriend met my parents for the first time drunk, in the emergency room. FML

by anon / 03/23/2012 at 11:51pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

by wormiformed / 10/03/2015 at 12:14am / New Zealand / Work

Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML

by Lily / 09/02/2015 at 6:09am / Austria (Wien) / Health

Today, I was playing GTA4 and went on its fake dating site to email a girl to go on a date with. I've never had much luck with dating in real life, so I figured the game would be more kind to me. After a while I went back to check my email, and the fake girl I'd propositioned told me to get lost. FML

by Danno / 01/01/2009 at 1:22pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

by Mandy / 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm / United States / Health