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Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

#17109395
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19736) - you deserved it (47133)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm - work - by sbutler (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I couldn't take home the free weights I'd planned on buying to start bodybuilding 'cos I couldn't lift the box, which was too heavy for me. FML

#715
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19736) - you deserved it (4954)

On 01/06/2009 at 3:28am - misc - by Fred - Sent from mobile version

Today, I am studying abroad in Mexico and someone asked me what it's like to be from Minnesota. I responded in Spanish, in front of thirty people, what I thought translated to, "If you get cold, you can just put on a jacket." Apparently, what I thought meant "jacket" actually meant "masturbate". FML

#2562
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19734) - you deserved it (4814)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sally - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I took my first Viagra. It worked great, but "Wally, the one-eyed wonder-weasel" would not return to "hiding". After 4 hours, I was in mortal aching pain, and went to my doctor for a shot and sedative. My wife, the doctor, and the nurse could not stifle their laughter. FML

#5938772
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19730) - you deserved it (6341)

On 10/22/2009 at 12:07am - intimacy - by ItsFunnyNow (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend humped me to the tune of the Imperial March from Star Wars. FML

#7398429
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19728) - you deserved it (5940)

On 01/17/2010 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by ChubbyTubby (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, it's the third day of my dad's revenge after he snapped over me supposedly using the word "duh" in every other sentence. He got his hands on my old recorder and has been playing it loudly and out of tune outside my room when I try to do my homework. My mom thinks this is hilarious. FML

#18083556
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19728) - you deserved it (13178)

On 10/26/2011 at 8:24pm - misc - by krystal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend over Skype. I said I loved her and hoped we would be together forever. She responded by singing Who Wants to Live Forever into her mic. FML

#19250645
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19728) - you deserved it (3666)

On 03/10/2012 at 10:16am - love - by callen5 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

#20873101
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19728) - you deserved it (99690)

On 09/08/2013 at 3:31pm - love - by verbaltodomestic (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I still can't find a job to support myself. The only experience I have is a month in retail and a summer spent in a kitchen de-pooping shrimp. FML

#19333832
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19724) - you deserved it (3717)

On 03/23/2012 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I woke up really tired after a night of just two hours sleep. The reason? The mall across the street forgot to turn off their music. It played Christmas songs all night. Loud. FML

Today, I was helping an older lady return her previously bought items to customer service. As she walked away and said "Thanks," I tried to say "You're welcome" and "No problem" at the same time. I ended up saying "Your problem". She scowled at me. FML

#13958781
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19722) - you deserved it (7546)

On 11/24/2010 at 4:52am - work - by romedizzle (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was doing karaoke with my girlfriend's family, when the 5 year old came over and shut off my microphone. FML

#14681491
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19722) - you deserved it (7634)

On 01/23/2011 at 12:47am - misc - by shadowfigure (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I got my paycheck. I was really excited since I've been broke for the last two weeks. On my way home, I got pulled over and got a ticket for expired tags. The $90 for new tags plus $135 for the citation will leave me with enough to buy a burger. FML

#16645902
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19720) - you deserved it (26316)

On 06/13/2011 at 3:06pm - money - by fuckcops (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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