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Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

#1584585
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18813) - you deserved it (1973)

On 05/03/2009 at 3:15am - kids - by bodhimae - Sent from mobile version

Today, after months of unemployment, my only social interaction was with my postman. FML

#17687802
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18812) - you deserved it (4879)

On 09/07/2011 at 11:08am - work - by HT BaaFly (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I found out that my mother is extremely emotional when it comes to animal deaths when a bird flew into the window and died, and she insisted we have a funeral. FML

#19441830
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18812) - you deserved it (3079)

On 04/10/2012 at 7:13am - animals - by tay (man) - Australia

Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML

#20099593
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18814) - you deserved it (6077)

On 10/03/2012 at 4:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I walked downstairs with a couple of bags full of stuff, in preparation for a sleepover at my friend's house. My nine-year-old cousin looked at me and said, "Where're you going? Fat camp?" FML

#20064659
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18813) - you deserved it (3440)

On 09/09/2012 at 1:02pm - health - by Char (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, my boyfriend and I were laying in his bed. I was watching the Terminator on T.V. A commercial came on in the middle of the movie. We just started having sex when the movie came back on he said "I'll be back." in the Arnold Schwartzenegger accent and rolled over to watch the movie. FML

#6705813
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18806) - you deserved it (4067)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:26am - intimacy - by Tee (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
526 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18806) - you deserved it (134625)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I got drunk at a party. I didn't want my parents to know, so I took out my phone, called my parents, and asked them not to tell them I'm drunk. FML

#21354315
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18802) - you deserved it (35671)

On 02/11/2015 at 7:40pm - misc - by SDCore (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML

#19954637
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18801) - you deserved it (5954)

On 07/18/2012 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML

#18428813
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18800) - you deserved it (42228)

On 12/04/2011 at 4:39pm - intimacy - by wowthatwould (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was listening to my favorite radio station outta Detroit. A commercial came on for a program that was giving federal grants to people who were going into a trade, like me. Right as I was getting excited I heard the words "brought to you by the government of Canada." FML

#8116532
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18798) - you deserved it (4978)

On 02/11/2010 at 12:13am - work - by brit - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML

#20086255
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18797) - you deserved it (2144)

On 09/24/2012 at 3:18am - health - by AnxietyGirl - United States (Colorado)

Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

#20115007
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18796) - you deserved it (1490)

On 10/13/2012 at 1:32pm - misc - by bubblebuttfuckfart (woman) - Ireland



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