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Today, I had an emergency appendectomy, so I texted my boss to let him know about the situation. He replied that it'd be good for my continued employment prospects if I come into work tomorrow. FML

by wormiformed / 10/03/2015 at 12:14am / New Zealand / Work

Today, I was so bored that I filmed my goldfish while it was eating. FML

by Crystal / 01/10/2009 at 3:21am / Animals

Today, I received yet another letter from a relative bitching me out for not involving my parents in my wedding. The parents who showed no interest in our relationship and then yelled at my fiancé and me when we announced it to them, calling us stupid, naive, heathens, and mentally ill. FML

by TheyObjectToTheUnholyUnion / 01/29/2016 at 7:51am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

by Anna / 04/06/2009 at 6:41am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a pond taking pictures with my new camera. I saw a mama duck leading her babies around and decided to get in closer to take a picture. Mama duck got spooked and led her babies too close to a waterfall escaping. One fell off. It never surfaced. FML

by DuckyKiller / 06/20/2009 at 8:11am / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss made up a rumor that I was quitting my job so I wouldn't get the promotion that was coming up. There goes that raise I've been wanting for six months. FML

by thisbethed / 11/02/2015 at 5:26pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2016 at 1:23pm / Miscellaneous

Today, a man came up to me at the bus stop. He went into this long story about how his girlfriend is pregnant and they both haven't eaten in days. Trying to be tough and funny I said back, "sounds like you should invest in condoms instead of food." He responded by beating and robbing me. FML

by beatenbyabum / 06/12/2009 at 4:45pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was house-sitting for my friend. He was late to return and I ended up falling asleep on the couch and having a dream where I violently shat myself and suddenly developed a six-pack. When I woke up, I found the dream was half true. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2015 at 5:03am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when I lifted myself up a little bit. What I was not prepared for was my boyfriend leaning down to kiss my neck. We collided heads, hard. FML

by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 5:00pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, I attended a work interview. My hay fever has been flaring up during the hot weather, causing my throat to swell up and make me short of breath, which I explained. The woman interviewing me told me I was unsuccessful, as customers wouldn't be able to understand someone with my 'disability'. FML

by FuckPollen / 07/08/2015 at 7:01am / United Kingdom (Hartlepool) / Work

Today, whilst celebrating my birthday with my friends and family, I met a girl at the bar who seemed interested. She became very disinterested and left after my mother whispered in her ear "If you go home with my son make sure he wears a condom." FML

by Joe / 10/19/2009 at 12:32am / Cambodia (Phnum Penh) / Intimacy

Today, while I was out shopping, my pants decided that they just didn't have enough holes in them, and ripped a new one in the crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 01/20/2012 at 6:33pm / France / Miscellaneous