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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I dated smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

#18561391
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16575) - you deserved it (52783)

On 12/20/2011 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Ryan - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was in class when all of a sudden I was hit in the head by a metal pencil case. My teacher threw it at me to get my attention. FML

#14908981
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16569) - you deserved it (31240)

On 02/09/2011 at 1:02pm - health - by ouch - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

#1388
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16564) - you deserved it (5841)

On 01/16/2009 at 3:43pm - love - by Noname - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I failed my trigonometry exam because my scientific calculator was on the wrong setting. FML

#13192437
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16559) - you deserved it (40875)

On 09/25/2010 at 4:57am - misc - by trigfail - New Zealand (Taranaki)

Today, after we got home from the doctor's office, my mom checked the voicemail. Loud and clear, we both heard my boyfriend's break-up message. My parents had already forbidden me from dating. FML

#17928381
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16556) - you deserved it (23427)

On 10/07/2011 at 3:00pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went shopping with my boyfriend. He tried on a pair of trousers which didn't fit, so he asked me to change them, so off I go. I then return with another pair for him to try on, and find him bent over and blurt out "What the hell's that terrible underwear?". The man turns around, revealing that I'd entered the wrong changing room. FML

#2607
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16550) - you deserved it (8255)

On 01/26/2009 at 5:09am - love - by Harmonia - Sent from mobile version

Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML

#20046536
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16524) - you deserved it (38476)

On 08/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Bethany (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the novelty of shaving a heart into my pubic hair for my wife vanished, when I woke up to find a collection of scabs around my pubes. FML

#19542663
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16524) - you deserved it (14142)

On 04/28/2012 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Matt (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML

#2431161
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16516) - you deserved it (53870)

On 05/30/2009 at 12:19pm - misc - by eayers2689 (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

#4320217
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16514) - you deserved it (36853)

On 08/05/2009 at 10:23pm - misc - by drooler (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML

#16448858
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16511) - you deserved it (27897)

On 06/01/2011 at 8:35am - intimacy - by Username - Canada

Today, while getting it on with my boyfriend, I decided to be spontaneous and do something sexy. I started taking his underwear off with my teeth. My teeth dragged over his shaft, and my braces cut up his foreskin in the process. Now he's not talking to me. FML

#15162560
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16510) - you deserved it (57470)

On 03/01/2011 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

#9205385
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16508) - you deserved it (20868)

On 03/19/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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