The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Get the hell out of there

By Anonymous - 16/10/2025 12:00

Today, I realized that if I run out of cigarettes my husband wants nothing to do with me, and when he hits me during a mental breakdown it's all my fault cause I had it coming. He's 40 and acts like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 141

Kiss me

By Anonymous - 15/01/2024 18:00 - United States - Wolfeboro

Today, my boyfriend refused to give me a kiss because he thinks I flirt with his cousin. I make small talk with him because my boyfriend is always leaving me alone with said cousin. I’m not attracted to him in the least. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 108

Snitches

By Anonymous - 10/12/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my nosey louse of a coworker went to HR and told them I was snorting drugs at my desk. I was using nasal saline, as the dry winter weather wreaks havoc on my sinuses. The fact that they even brought me in pisses me off beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 94

Sneaky wank

By Anonymous - 06/09/2023 08:00 - France - Paris

Today, my dad came to my room to tell me he’s going to take a nap and didn't want to be disturbed. About 5 minutes later, my speaker started broadcasting the moaning voice of a woman clearly having sex. He's never borrowing my Bluetooth speaker ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 105

Friends for life

By Esther - 25/04/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, my best friend’s girlfriend took his phone and blocked me on Facebook, all because I wrote him a heartfelt Happy Birthday message on his wall. I found out because he messaged me from another account explaining what happened. She refuses to understand that we’re strictly platonic friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 175

This one's for the gamers

By GamerGirl - 26/06/2023 15:00

Today, I had to boot a person from my alliance (AKA a guild of sorts) for not following some server rules that our alliance, along with the majority on the server had agreed to all maintain. Later, that day a competing alliance (who also agreed to the rules) recruited said member I had just booted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 275

Power move

By Anonymous - 08/10/2023 17:00

Today, I accidentally called my kickboxing trainer "Dad." I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 174

You OK dude?

By Anonymous - 28/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I walked out to the parking lot and caught a homeless man laying a fat steamer on the hood of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 73

Coupon time!

By 2 Accommodating - 06/08/2023 04:00

Today, my wife crushed my cell phone with a heavy plate. She offered to pay for it in sex, which I eagerly accepted. When I asked her for “a downpayment” an hour later, she looked at me like she’d accommodated this arrangement for far too long already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 156

Three's the magic number

By Letdown - 23/02/2022 12:00

Today, I asked my wife for a threesome to spice up our sex life. Her exact response to me was, “The only threesome we should be having is between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.” I'll take that as a “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 2 026

Alexa, play "Blue Christmas" by Low

By Anonymous - 15/12/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me unless we get married within a year and have a baby. I don’t negotiate with terrorists but now I’m gonna be single and alone over Christmas, unless I wheedle myself into my brother's Christmas, but I think I’d just ruin it for his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 200

Oh, by the way…

By PaulieD - 19/10/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I received a "Happy Birthday" text from my ex. I thought maybe she missed me, but when I replied with a polite, "Thank you," they responded with "Sorry, wrong person. However, fuck you." Ouch. Happy birthday to me, indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 189

You know who you are

By Anonymous - 18/11/2022 04:00

Today, the way some people just pry into others' life is annoying me. I have very little patience for nosy people who imply and make assumptions about you based on very little information, then air it all out in a work environment. The anger I felt towards you, my coworker, oh my god. I know he noticed and I don't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 365

Double Impact

By Zoogangcapk - 01/01/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 10 272

This is America

By Anonymous - 24/09/2023 00:02

Today, I found out that my rent is going up by $100. This is the third year in a row. I'm on SSI ($914/month) and it was $550 when I moved in before the pandemic. I'm also morbidly obese, schizophrenic, and my family doesn't respect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 794

Fruity

By Anonymous - 08/09/2023 17:00

Today, I'd tried to do my makeup in a natural way for my high school graduation. I don't have much experience, but I went for it anyway. Now, looking at the photos, I can see how fucking orange I looked at the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 277

Take a load off

By MustyAtticMouth - 13/01/2024 05:00 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, a long day of work and a bad day for my mental health, I tried to relax with my wife, a movie, and a soda. After returning from using the bathroom, I took a swig to discover a particularly odorous stink bug had snuck into the can, now my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 108

Once you pop…

By P…… - 19/09/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, not an hour after my girlfriend lectured me on boundaries and "my body, my rules", she threw an epic tantrum because I wouldn't let her pop a pimple on my ear. Apparently, only she gets to have boundaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 97

Intelligent design

By Anonymous - 21/01/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our boss replaced all our computers with new Apple iMacs, which have fewer USB ports and none of our software or saved files. He insists it’s all “in the Cloud thing somewhere, figure it out and show some damn gratitude.” We are now incapable of doing our jobs but he insists he’s blameless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 65

Major Regina George vibes

By Partypoopermom - 23/12/2021 11:01

Today, our family dog passed away. My 16 year-old daughter had a tantrum over us cancelling her 16th birthday trip, because, “the stupid dog picked the perfect day to die.” She says she’s going on the trip “with or without us.” She actually went. With her friends. What do they see in this sociopathic brat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 1 725

Nervous wreck

By jumpy - 14/09/2023 04:00

Today, I was literally startled by my own shadow. I hate having anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 163

We gave already

By Lou - 08/05/2024 20:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, someone broke into the underground parking garage. They ignored the Mercedes, the old and new BMWs and the Porsche, and smashed the window of my Fiat 500. They stole a 5€ note. Repair costs: 400€. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 109

Man's best friend

By Larry - 19/09/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I went for a long hike in the woods, just me and my best friend, a Tibetan Mastiff called Flea. While trying to take a selfie with a beautiful view as a backdrop, I tripped over one of her huge paws, rolled down a hill, and landed in a pile of what I hope was just mud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 283

By darknight - 21/07/2019 02:03

Today, I found out that pretending to be a bum begging for money can get you stuck in a jail cell for a few hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 3 961

Lifegoals

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 17:01

Today, I saw my ex. I was sure he’d be miserable, but he looked happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. He somehow even looked younger, as did the woman he was on a date with, who’s a good 10 years younger than me. Meanwhile, I’ve gained 25 pounds trying to quit smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 1 173

Snooping

By Anonymous - 16/10/2024 19:30 - India - Bhubaneswar

Today, I was forced to use Egspy on my wife's iPhone. She is going out with a colleague in exchange for getting her promotion approved. I've never had any hints or doubts, but it seems she's having illicit relations with multiple colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 160

Priorities

By Anonymous - 06/03/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I was sent by my mother and her boyfriend to pick up some take-out. After getting the food, I began to turn out once the traffic light was green. An asshole cop sped past the red light and slammed into my car, totaling it. When I called my house, my mom's boyfriend asked, "Where's our dinner?" I'm fine, by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 85

Unprofessional

By Anonymous - 21/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, a coworker sent a last-minute request for a highly complex custom report based on a spreadsheet. It took most of the weekend and Monday to get right because he'd screwed up most of the calculations. The client was pissed; they'd wanted it done by 5PM GMT that Friday. He'd sat on the request until 5 EST Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 87

Tough guy

By Anonymous - 01/12/2021 14:01

Today, as a security guard, I caught a kid shoplifting and confronted him. He ran circles around me for almost 5 minutes, then picked me up and dumped me in a builders' skip before escaping. To add to my humiliation, my boss questioned my suitability for the job, and advised me to update my CV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 860

Snap!

By fax4voice3 - 28/08/2023 18:02 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was flossing my teeth, which I do only to not get yelled at (chewed out?) by my dentist. Dentist I’ll now be seeing later today because the floss broke off a corner of one of my molars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 189

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The Top

Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 200

Today, my country told me that I don’t matter, and my right to my body and the care for that body is not my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 632

Today, I took my newborn son to his one week weight check appointment. The pediatrician said, “OK, and he’s here today with his mom and big brother?” He thought my husband, who is 21 months older than me, was my son. How old do I look? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 202

Today, I was asked if the reason I didn't like the new male massage therapist was because I was no longer the most muscular person in the spa. I'm a 5'4 woman and I don't work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 903

You deserved it 544

Today, I talked to my crush for twenty minutes at Wal-mart. Then I realized I forgot to take off my Weight Watchers meeting nametag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 167

You deserved it 27 306

Today, there are rumors flying around my office that I hooked up with the guy who picks his nose and leaves boogers under tables. I didn't. Last night I took a shower at my boyfriend's place, who happens to use the exact same body wash and shampoo as the office outcast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 245

You deserved it 3 599