By Anonymous

The walls have ears

Today, I went out for lunch with one of my co-workers. After work, I talked to one of my friends about how unpleasant the lunch was with him. My co-worker was standing behind me listening in the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

525

You deserved it

2601

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This Charming Man

Facts over feelings

Fishy anxiety

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got an email from a local company looking to have a website made. I looked over their request and provided them with a reasonable offer. I got an email back stating that they would like to pay me with liquor instead of money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40076

You deserved it

4265

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By dani911 - United States

Today, I noticed a car following me all the way to my house. It was dark so I got really nervous and called the police. The person got out of the car. It was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16659

You deserved it

37265

Favorite

By KatieB - United Kingdom - Newark

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32443

You deserved it

7283

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By Anonymous - Czech Republic - Ceska

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15482

You deserved it

31640

Favorite

By NotAnUglyBaby - Mexico - C?rdoba

Today, while vacationing, a small boy asked to see the baby I was holding, wrapped in a blanket. I showed him, and his face reflexively scrunched up. The boy's mother came and apologized to me. Her face scrunched up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20274

You deserved it

1896

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my wife of 10 years bought me a bottle of wine, a wine rack and wine accessory kit for my birthday. She knows I don't like wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19748

You deserved it

1784

Favorite

By wut?

Notice me please

Today, my daughter has been locked in her room screaming and sobbing for the past 2 hours. Apparently, I didn’t make a big enough deal of her coming out, so I must not care about her. What I said was I didn’t care if she was gay, and that it wouldn’t change anything. Sorry for being accepting I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2059

You deserved it

208

Favorite

By Jon - United States

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15144

You deserved it

79016

Favorite

By PeeFlavouredFloss - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38295

You deserved it

3130

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By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36985

You deserved it

3279

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Charlotte

Today, I walked into the restroom at work, only to find my boss stroking and playing with himself. I have my annual performance assessment with him in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33442

You deserved it

2323

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By not even interested

Today, at a wedding reception, I accidentally caught the bouquet. I got cussed out by the women who were fighting over it for being uninvited and party crashing. I'm a busgirl and the bouquet only landed on the tray I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4118

You deserved it

194

Favorite

By Now I'm Broke

Today, I took my $2,000 drone out and shot some beautiful footage of an old dam. I hid it behind a rock to explore the area further without carrying it, but when I came back it was gone. I was splitting the payments with my uncle. I work a minimum wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1628

You deserved it

7792

Favorite

By nobodywasthere

Today, I rushed onto the metro to get to work. I found there were no seats left and asked a perfectly healthy guy to let me sit in the handicap spot. He refused to because "being tired" was a handicap characteristic. I have one leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4607

You deserved it

271

Favorite

By seb21 - United States

Today, I called my dad to inform him I was coming home from college for the weekend. Expecting him to be excited, he responded with "why?" This weekend was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42419

You deserved it

2299

Favorite

By ruined_suit - United States

Defense!

Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57979

You deserved it

7100

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, while in a hospital waiting room, a man started talking to me. After a few minutes, he asked me what I did for a living, and I said I'm a stay-at-home mom. He looked me up and down and said, "Huh. No life ambitions, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35364

You deserved it

7558

Favorite

By Rizzle - New Zealand

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14688

You deserved it

45020

Favorite

By bruh

Today, I found out my boyfriend made a move to hook up with my best friend. She was about to reciprocate, only for him to suddenly tell her that she’s a horrible friend, and then he told me about it. I’m not sure if I should be picking sides here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2460

You deserved it

182

Favorite

By welp, time to become an assassin - United States - Rowlett

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48222

You deserved it

4653

Favorite

By tbright010 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30464

You deserved it

4615

Favorite

By Flutie

Today, I went to a haunted house with my fiancé. A few minutes in, I saw someone following us so I turned and screamed. She ran off and my fiancé explained that she wasn't an actor, just a lady with a pigment disorder. I can never go back there again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3313

You deserved it

738

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68714

You deserved it

10480

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Redding

Today, 9 years on, my dad still hates my husband for "ruining" my life by getting me pregnant in my late 20s. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20955

You deserved it

1546

Favorite

By Brittany - United States - Kerrville

Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7266

You deserved it

56386

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, in the midst of sleep, my boyfriend hurled my cellphone across the room and into the wall because he couldn't be bothered to pick up or hang up an incoming call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22354

You deserved it

3317

Favorite

By shittyemployee

Today, I rushed to work after a night of drinking and partying, and put my hair up on my way in. People started worriedly asking what happened to my head, so I looked in the mirror. I had scratches and a welt on my forehead from hitting the wall during sex last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1806

You deserved it

3078

Favorite

By stillwaiting - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boss plays a trick on all the interns. He calls you to his office, then leaves you waiting outside until you get annoyed and leave. Apparently, the old record was 45mins. I waited 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50288

You deserved it

11113

Favorite

By Braxam - United States

Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47490

You deserved it

3611

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex in the janitor's closet of the pet store where I work. We were really getting into it when we were rudely interrupted by dozens of salamanders crawling up our legs. I had forgotten to lock the cage before we started. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11660

You deserved it

73616

Favorite

By Labro9

Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit". Seems my manager is economising his time like never before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9454

You deserved it

652

Favorite

By Nemesis2747 - United States

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39699

You deserved it

3297

Favorite

By GillyPirate - United States

Today, I received a call offering me a job with the census bureau. I applied for this job 6 months ago while I was still fighting tooth and nail to stay where I was. Since I didn't get the job, I was evicted from my apartment, got on public assistance, and moved from North Carolina to Florida with my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30602

You deserved it

2534

Favorite

By Gottabekidding - United States - Ashland

Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14636

You deserved it

839

Favorite

By Mixta - France - Roubaix

Today, my best friend showed me his New Year's Eve photos. Girls everywhere, booze flowing all over the place and all my friends were there. They still haven't realised that they didn't invite me. We've been friends for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41401

You deserved it

3474

Favorite

By MBG - Australia

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65401

You deserved it

4296

Favorite

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26033

You deserved it

2771

Favorite

By anon - United Kingdom

Today, a guy lost control of his umbrella in the wind, which then hit me in the eye, making me bleed. He screamed at me for trying to steal his umbrella. People laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37723

You deserved it

2265

Favorite

By Rachel - 27/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Fun fun fun

Today, I spent my entire day building various zoos in Zoo Tycoon, and then releasing all of the animals to see them chase people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

371

You deserved it

749

Favorite

By HarleyGirl - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, I watched my fiancé ride off on my motorcycle with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4752

You deserved it

343

Favorite

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7899303 - Monday 20 April 2020 18:10

Do you smell that?

I smell a bridge being burnt.

By Kimberlie Brown | 3

#7899505 - Tuesday 21 April 2020 7:42

I think you commented on the wrong post😅

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7899303 - Monday 20 April 2020 18:10

Do you smell that?

I smell a bridge being burnt.

By tounces7 | 27

#7899492 - Tuesday 21 April 2020 6:49

Well, if that isn't a massive slap in the face to every woman out there who isn't able to get pregnant at all. Your sister sounds like a massive narcissist and should NEVER have children.

Kimberlie Brown | 3

#7899505 - Tuesday 21 April 2020 7:42

I think you commented on the wrong post😅

Sady_Ct | 37

#7899545 - Tuesday 21 April 2020 9:52

Ummmm wtf?

Seeya55 | 31

#7899631 - Tuesday 21 April 2020 19:05

No, no, It'll fit perfectly fine as it's just as normal as FML using old content as new.

I mean, how TF they're 'going out for lunch' during a WORLDWIDE SHUTDOWN/QUARANTINE is beyond me!

By lifeis4me | 20

#7899727 - Wednesday 22 April 2020 5:32

I’m assuming you were still near your work environment since the co-worker heard you. Important rule: always wait until you’re completely away from work to talk about anyone who works there