The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Three's the magic number

By Letdown - 23/02/2022 12:00

Today, I asked my wife for a threesome to spice up our sex life. Her exact response to me was, “The only threesome we should be having is between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.” I'll take that as a “No.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 2 040

Oh, by the way…

By PaulieD - 19/10/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I received a "Happy Birthday" text from my ex. I thought maybe she missed me, but when I replied with a polite, "Thank you," they responded with "Sorry, wrong person. However, fuck you." Ouch. Happy birthday to me, indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 191

It's the big T

By Annoyed - 28/03/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I left my apartment building to drive to work. I walked up to my car when I noticed someone had written "FUCK ELON" on the hood. I guess some protesters can't spell, which explains how they'd confused "Toyota" for "Tesla." FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 76

Science, bitch!

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, one of my twin sons found out he's going to be a dad. His little sister who loves science ended up telling him that, since he has a twin who is genetically identical, he's genetically the baby's dad too. My son, being a bit dim, took this to mean his brother slept with his wife and hit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 124

Ungrateful bunch

By ProduceGood - 02/06/2022 00:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I realized why my stomach is upset: in a house with my two adult parents and one 17 year-old sister, we have somehow gone an entire week without fresh vegetables or fruit. I didn't notice because I was trying to figure out how to handle them forgetting my 30th birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 900

Scam artist's dream job

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 09:00

Today, our company got hacked. Our secretary fell for someone badly impersonating the head of customer service and sent them a full list of employee information from one of our new clients. The boss wants to blame us in IT for not training her on how to avoid this. He fell for a phishing attack last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 128

Digger blues

By Anonymous - 05/02/2022 06:00

Today, thanks to my husband's obsession with needing a massive garage built instead of a bog standard garden shed, we dug up some Roman building last week, and our garden is now swarming with archaeologists banging on about history and ruining my weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 1 188

Pervert!

By Faith - 05/04/2026 09:00 - The Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I caught my neighbor peeping through his toilet window to watch my sister bathing in our bathroom. I asked him what he was doing, and he told me he was doing what he always does when my sister is bathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 59

Second best

By fred - 18/12/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, at the age of 34, I realized every girl since high school who has dated me, only dated me because they had low self-esteem or were rebounding. The second they found someone they thought was better, they would leave me. Will I find someone who actually wants to be with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 156

Thanks, I hate it

By Not funny mom! - 19/07/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I couldn’t figure out why I was getting so much spam in my professional email. My own mother thought it would be a hilarious “prank” to sign me up for a ton of random mailing lists. I missed an amazing job opportunity due to her bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 90

Why though?

By Anonymous - 02/03/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I asked my parents why we hadn't been out to eat as a family for so long. Both mom and dad agreed, so we made plans to go have breakfast at the Waffle House. Upon arriving, Dad threw a tantrum in the restaurant over nothing, and insisted on yelling at us the entire time. Guess I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 118

Friends with unclear benefits

By LizzoGirl - 02/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, the guy who friendzoned me asked me why I’ve been acting distant towards him. I told him that I refuse to give boyfriend benefits to someone who made it clear that we’re just friends any longer. He responded with, “Well, if you weren’t built like Lizzo before her weight loss, I wouldn’t have friendzoned you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 243

Seriously?

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 03:00

Today, my husband got home on my birthday and told me he went overboard and bought a real expensive gift for his favourite girl. He then turned round and gave the real expensive gift to the girl in question, his 3 year-old niece. It’s not even her birthday. I got fuck all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 117

Occasional criminal

By Anonymous - 15/08/2023 16:00 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I put my travel cup of coffee on the shelf behind me while getting a haircut. When I left, I picked up my coffee and cell phone. A block later, the barber had chased me down to get his cell phone back. Yep, I had two phones in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 297

Let's do this again?

By Giselle - 13/10/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a date with a guy who insisted on eating off my plate the whole night. He didn't order his own food, because according to him, "it’s more intimate to share." He didn’t get why I found the whole deal off-putting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 70

Foot soldier

By Anonymous - 22/08/2023 22:00

Today, I wore a new pair of shoes to work. By lunchtime, my feet were covered in blisters and I had to limp my way through the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 387

Nervous wreck

By jumpy - 14/09/2023 04:00

Today, I was literally startled by my own shadow. I hate having anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 164

Give it to me baby!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend is so terrified of having a baby that he won’t screw me, even though I’m on the pill and we have condoms. He gets so worked up, he usually goes soft before we get the condom on. His oral game is on point but I just want a good hard dicking, is that too much to ask? FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 193

Thanks, Zuck!

By Patrick - 15/03/2024 16:00 - United States - Madison Heights

Today, after nearly 19 years, my Facebook account was permanently disabled because I'd banned too many scammers. I admin 58 groups, for over 2 million members, and have banned 50k+ fake accounts. One of them apparently reported me, and since Facebook runs some fake accounts, it was easier to ban me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 166

FAMILY

By Not today, Satan! - 30/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was given a new trainee at work. It was the conniving skank who screwed my brother-in-law and ruined my sister’s marriage. When I refused to train her, I was written up and sent home, while the homewrecking whore just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 260

How to start a failed YouTube channel

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend blew half of the money we'd saved for a vacation on a fancy new camera. His reasoning? "Loads of YouTubers are quitting YouTube, there's money to be made." FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 93

Let's say, hypothetically…

By Anonymous - 07/10/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I asked my uber-religious parents what they would do if, hypothetically, they found out one of their closest friends was an atheist. The immediate response: "Forcibly try to convert them, and completely cut all ties if they don't accept." Guess I'll remain a closeted atheist for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 141

Double Impact

By Zoogangcapk - 01/01/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is pregnant. The problem is that I don't know how to tell my wife... Who is also pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 10 307

Cranky

By Passive ass aggressor - 08/04/2021 02:00

Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him or act bitchy about anything not his fault, he has a wank and goes to sleep rather than bother asking me for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 8 175

Blocked and reported

By Anonymous - 22/04/2024 22:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I had to call social services after a couple once again brought their baby in with severe allergic reactions. His allergy? The family dog. These idiots would rather let their kid die than get rid of the stupid mutt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 155

What just happened?

By Danny is pissed - 01/12/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, after a bad week I ordered a large pizza, ready to binge-watch TV. The delivery guy shows up, I hand him the cash, and he left without giving me my pizza. Exhausted, I watched him leave, like a confused puppy. I called the pizzeria; he'd left the pizza somewhere else, and couldn't re-deliver it because their driver was "done for the night.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 169

Slacker

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 14:00 - United States - Babylon

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd rather jerk off to sexy pictures of me than actually have sex, because he gets too tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 127

Fishy

By Kristyn - 09/07/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I asked my husband for the 1000th time to stop texting a woman he used to be friends with in high school, with whom he recently reconnected, and that I’m feeling neglected in this marriage. He responded by saying, “Fine! I guess I can’t have any friends then!” and took a hammer to his phone, breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 381

Unfair

By Anonymous - 06/04/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I lost my custody battle and I have to return my grandchildren to my disowned daughter, who was allowing her now ex-husband to abuse them. I can't appeal or anything because frankly we don't have the funds. I wish I'd never had her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 93

Weird and gross

By Anonymous - 10/11/2025 22:00

Today, as we talked after we woke up at a sleepover at my house (16th birthday gift), my best friend sat up, grabbed her belly, and started grunting. I asked what's wrong and she said, "I have to poop" and she did, right there in her underwear. The turd she pushed out was so big, her panties overflowed. We shared a bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 83

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The Top

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 100

You deserved it 27 332

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 878

You deserved it 33 169

Today, it's my birthday. At my workplace, we always get a cake for whoever's birthday it is. They somehow forgot about me. I've been working there for a year, and my grandparents and my dad own the restaurant I work at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 180

You deserved it 3 421

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 848

You deserved it 35 754

Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 219

You deserved it 178

Today, my mom won't let me have the extra hotel room she booked all to myself, even though it's just me, her, and my sister. Basically I can share a room with her or with my sister, but I can't be alone. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 473