The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Kelsiiii - 11/03/2020 03:00

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 2 136

Forever in our hearts

By Anonymous - 25/01/2023 13:00

Today, I asked my mom if she had some good pictures of me for my resume. She gave me her phone to look through her gallery. I found a beautiful album of photos of me and my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 193

Twink

By Noé - 10/05/2022 00:01

Today, I decided to start working out. I made a bit of Internet research, and I found out about my body type. The first and only example that popped up is Natalie Portman. Oh, by the way, I’m a 16 year-old dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 171

They aren't property my dude

By Anonymous - 09/09/2023 14:00

Today, my brother's will left all his wealth to his second wife, while I get left his two kids and a small amount to help cover raising them, because his second wife isn’t mother material. Bitch, neither am I, I love my nieces but I’d go mad if I had to be their new parent. Leave me the money instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 281

This is why we can't have nice things

By Anonymous - 13/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, I’m an adult and my mother lives with me, not me with her. She found out I was going to be gone for 9 days on vacation and that she couldn’t come, so she had a “mental break down” and checked herself into a psych ward. Last year, she did the same thing when I graduated college and celebrated it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 111

Acceptance

By tokenTrans - 20/02/2023 11:00 - United States - Thurmont

Today, like many other days, I'm too scared to correct people calling me "ma'am" at work because I live in a small, ignorant town where I've already been harassed and threatened for daring to be trans. I've already had a friend tell me I look nothing like a chick, so what's the deal with customers? FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 791

Bad taste

By Anonymous - 08/01/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my uncle was supposed to be the officiant at my wedding but he and my dad teamed up to make a joke about how this was actually my fiancé's funeral. Everyone laughed, except my fiancé. He burst into tears and ran from the altar. We can’t find him and he’s not answering his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 192

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

By ProvenPoint - 27/03/2023 10:00

Today, while discussing difficulties in relationships, I cautiously suggested to my best friend that he may not have the healthiest way of resolving conflicts. He got angry at me for not understanding him but refused to tell where he felt misunderstood, then gave me the silent treatment. Way to prove a point, dear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 113

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 02/01/2022 05:01

Today, my son accused me of being a "Karen" about house rules, and insists he’ll follow normal rules but ignore my supposedly "insane" rules. I consider all my rules normal, so he pointed out he’s 6ft6 and 100 lbs heavier so he will ignore rules he doesn’t agree with, and good luck stopping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 1 020

Get me out of here

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 23:02 - United States - Schertz

Today, I had a sleepover with two of my friends. We only had one bed, and it ended up with me against the wall. I then remembered that I'm very claustrophobic, and can't sleep. It's 4 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 269

Countersuit

By SientoBenteCar - 11/04/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, as I was walking my dog, some self-righteous animal activist berated me on how it was animal abuse to put my dog on a leash. Despite warning her, she crouched down to undo it, my dog charged at her, giving her a gash on the cheek. She kicked my dog for it, and is now threatening to sue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 86

New morning routine just dropped

By Mel - 23/04/2023 12:00 - United States - Miami Beach

Today, I realized why I've developed painful, flaky, dry patches above my upper lip. It's from kissing my new boyfriend, whose facial hair irritates my skin. He really dislikes how he looks without it, so my best option might be to just stop kissing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 158

Stop stealing Kias!

By Anonymous - 29/10/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I watched a video of the absolute dumbest and most dangerous TikTok trends, and I practically lost all my faith in humanity. Then, when I remembered that almost all of these people are/were around my age (I'm eighteen), and whatever faith in humanity I had left after watching the video completely vanished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 280

Messy

By Danielle Heichelbech - 15/11/2020 20:01

Today my 28-year-old husband got bored while cleaning the car. So he decided to stage a "crumb sacrifice to the vacuum gods" to "ensure a bountiful harvest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 316

All hunted out

By Anonymous - 14/07/2022 23:00 - United States

Today, I have killed at least several dozen flies over the course of the past few days. My cat, who used to be a fly killing machine, isn't doing shit to help me. She's not old or fat or anything, she's just lazy. Meanwhile, I had to go buy a water bottle with a cover to keep flies from going into my drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 254

Ticket to ride

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 22:01

Today, I was in a bus headed to another city and fell asleep as did everyone else. I must've woken up last, because I half-snorted as I woke up and everybody heard. Now we’re on a coffee break and I can see them all snicker about it outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 166

Priorities

By Anonymous - 17/04/2022 11:00 - Gabon

Today, my near 70 year-old father posted his Wordle score to the family group chat. Two days after I'd messaged him a warm and lengthy congratulations on his 10-year sobriety anniversary — to which he never replied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 206

That one embarrassing friend

By Tarik C - 06/08/2022 18:00

Today, while scouting a promising investment opportunity, my friend who escorted me kept referring to the area as “the hood” at full volume as we walked the street. Now I’m supposed to open a storefront there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 161

Sights, sounds, smells

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 12:00

Today, I was babysitting my friend's kids. One of the twin babies threw up all over my shirt and it went down my bra. Of course, I didn't have a change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 180

Destiny

By Sara - 05/05/2023 01:00 - United States - San Clemente

Today, I was writing a research paper for my psych class and read that people who have attempted suicide are seven times more likely to die from heart disease at a young age. I had a sudden chest pain, and I’ve had four suicide attempts between age 9 and 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 264

It's Friday, I'm in love

By Christina - 13/10/2023 16:00 - United States - Beverly

Today, I’m back at work after being out for a month on medical leave. I'd got my permanent schedule which included Friday, and I'd said fine but that I couldn't close on Friday as I have dialysis during the day, and that’s too much for my body. My boss said that was OK. Guess who they made close tonight? FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 110

Sounds promising

By Anonymous - 01/11/2022 18:00

Today, I was at a restaurant with a friend when she said, "Oh, I have to arrange a meet up between you and a friend. She's just your type: she has daddy issues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 178

You what?

By he does WHAT - 23/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I went with my wife to her work picnic. Some guy I don't know slapped her on the butt. I was ready to deck the creep, but my wife giggled and said, "Oh relax, it doesn't mean a thing. He does that all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 104

Usually a bad omen

By Karen - 21/05/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend finally moved in with me, after being long distance for months. Our apartment just became infested with mice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 105

Don't know, don't care

By Fuck you too, Grandma - 25/05/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, my mom told me that on my graduation day, the reason she (and my dad) almost didn't show up was because they had to spend almost an hour convincing my grandma to attend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 120

Hedging your bets

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 05:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized I've been avoiding a doctor's visit for issues, because it might be less painful to go out that way than to see how much more a crapshoot 2021 would be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 182

Control freak

By Anonymous - 18/07/2025 00:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my boyfriend of two months went through several memory boxes and destroyed anything that may have come from a man. My pictures were all film, so I can’t replace them. My bear was from my grandfather and other letters were from friends. No amount of legal action can replace what I’ve lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 103

Bathtime

By BadCatOwner - 25/06/2023 10:00

Today, my 11 year-old daughter claimed I'm a terrible cat parent. Why? Because in the 4 months that we've had the cat, I haven't given him a bath. Our strictly indoor kitten lives in attack mode, and would paint the walls with my blood if I attempted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 157

It's a wrap

By victoria - 04/04/2021 21:30

Today, I had a school band concert in which I was doing a clarinet solo. I had a Laffy Taffy before the concert. Little did I know part of the wrapper got stuck in my hair. I went through the whole concert like that and I was so embarrassed when I found out afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 299

By pooolth - 05/03/2012 03:17 - Ukraine

Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to get his point across, one of my students pulled out a gun and put it on the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 124

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The Top

Today, while I was at work, my wife sent me a few pictures of her in a new lingerie, to "spice up" my day. She didn't realize that I have iCloud turned on so I can share files with my colleagues. My boss and a dozen other employees received the same pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 871

You deserved it 27 194

Today, I tried a photo booth that automatically whitens skin. Being naturally very pale, the machine whitened me so much that my face merged with the white background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 151

Today, I was at my work. To urge people to be generous, I paid my friends to put 15 bucks in the tip jar while saying how great I was. He did this about ten times throughout the day. Turns out, us employees don't get to keep the tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 010

You deserved it 28 674

Today, I met my future in-laws, two lesbian ladies. Can you imagine that, two mothers-in-law judging me for daring to want to marry their precious baby boy? By the time we left, it felt like they’d extracted every iota of information about me through my skin with sandpaper and rusty barbecue tongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 892

Today, I woke up to the realization that the 2-hour nap I wanted to take before I went out with my friends last night was actually a 12-hour nap. I missed everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 026

You deserved it 34 121

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 796

You deserved it 6 993