Today, I went with my wife to her work picnic. Some guy I don't know slapped her on the butt. I was ready to deck the creep, but my wife giggled and said, "Oh relax, it doesn't mean a thing. He does that all the time." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I dropped in on my wife at her part time waitressing job. As I was leaving, I gave her tushie a playful squeeze. I was then tackled by some acne-ridden teenage blockhead trying to impress the hot waitress by beating up the guy groping her. FML
Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML
Today, I went to a baseball game with my wife. During intermission, the kiss cam chose my wife and me. So, what do you expect, I kissed her, but she decided to slap me and pretend she didn't know me. FML
Today, I walked up to my friend and slapped her ass, because that’s what we always do. Turns out, it wasn’t my friend, it was a total stranger. FML
Today, I made fun of a crazy-looking woman at the park. The man next to me turned out to be her husband, and he dragged me by my ear over to apologize to her. My friends are still laughing at me and my ear is swollen to twice the usual size. FML
Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML
Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, I punched a drunk woman who kept trying to force herself onto my husband. She turned out to be an off-duty cop. FML
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Top comments
Iamthebanzai22 21
That is bullshit. If she allows other guys to slap her ass then she has no respect for your marriage. Also, if that is the culture at her workplace then there is probably some other weird stuff going on as well. I find this really upsetting.
Iamthebanzai22 21
Well, she chose to be in a relationship with OP. That choice comes with certain responsibilities, like being respectful to that relationship and to her partner's feelings, even when he is not there. If a guy messed around on his wife, would you still be saying 'His body, his choice'? I think you are the one who can shut the **** up.
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Comments (5)
suntrkr 9
...And THEN you decked him, right? 'Cuz if not, dude, you're giving tacit approval to her taking the next step. Man up, grow a set and let her know, through your retaliation that she needs to respect you. Otherwise, save yourself a lot of trouble and hire a divorce lawyer.
Vesi 29
Bad idea: That will just result in OP getting put in a pair of pretty silver bracelets with a chain between. Best at this point is seriously talk with her about what is being allowed in the workplace and consult a therapist and/or attorney.
tiptoppc 19
It does speed up the ending of the marriage. If she doesn’t say the other side assaulted her, you know what she thinks of the marriage and you can yeet her the **** out of your home once you bail out so you can start finding divorce lawyers in peace.
Iamthebanzai22 21
That is bullshit. If she allows other guys to slap her ass then she has no respect for your marriage. Also, if that is the culture at her workplace then there is probably some other weird stuff going on as well. I find this really upsetting.
poopface82 23
Her body, her choice, you can shut the **** up.
Iamthebanzai22 21
Well, she chose to be in a relationship with OP. That choice comes with certain responsibilities, like being respectful to that relationship and to her partner's feelings, even when he is not there. If a guy messed around on his wife, would you still be saying 'His body, his choice'? I think you are the one who can shut the **** up.