By omfg

Addictive

Today, I was introduced to Minecraft. I haven't blinked in 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

598

You deserved it

1415

Favorite

Non-baby fever

Slasher

Dad of the year

By Insomniac - United States

Today, I finally got my stubborn toddler to take an afternoon nap after an hour and a half of wrestling with her. Ten minutes later, a UPS package arrived at my door. The UPS man decided it would be a good idea to ring my doorbell repeatedly in rapid-fire sequence as he was walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30055

You deserved it

2895

Favorite

By BadFather - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14679

You deserved it

42800

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51189

You deserved it

3836

Favorite

By Babyhazy - Australia - South Yarra

Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2-month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk when they make a noise. My fridge stated beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, 'It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

13260

You deserved it

1416

Favorite

By anon - United States

Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32282

You deserved it

5358

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I bought a parakeet for my kids. When I got home and presented it to them, they wanted to let him fly around inside. We went around the house making sure all the windows and doors were shut. Unfortunately I forgot to turn off the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35269

You deserved it

63301

Favorite

By graveyard-sh*t

Oh, hi Sharon!

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1840

You deserved it

129

Favorite

By omglifee - Canada

Today, I sneezed seven times in a row. That's the closest thing I've had to an orgasm in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23768

You deserved it

4085

Favorite

By Username - France

Today, my wife, daughter, and I get to spend the next 4 hours in the ER. Why? Because we're all throwing up at the same time. At least it counts as a family activity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31839

You deserved it

3436

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, after years of telling my boyfriend I don't do anal, I agreed to try it once just to get him to stop whining about it. He was so gung-ho that he tried to force it in without doing enough "relaxing preparation" and he split the muscle around my ring. Now I need surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5876

You deserved it

860

Favorite

By mudy247

Today, it took me longer than it should have with a bit of calculations to remember how old I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3357

You deserved it

833

Favorite

By I already have one, thanks - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42203

You deserved it

3066

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bethlehem

Today, I tried having some girl time with my mom so I could sneakily figure out what to get her for her birthday. All I could think of in the end was a time machine, after her rant about wishing she'd gotten her tubes tied rather than going through the stress of raising me and my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12907

You deserved it

929

Favorite

By growlr - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43672

You deserved it

5782

Favorite

By say no to indoctrination - 22/8/2020 20:02 - United States

Indoctrination

Today, I was called everything from a communist to a nazi to a national traitor for suggesting that kids shouldn’t be forced to recite the pledge of allegiance at school until they’re old enough to truly understand what it means. Someone even threatened to kick my ass for speaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1646

You deserved it

774

Favorite

By Anonymous

House rules

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for months. Not knowing where the date would take us, I shaved my pubic hair. Later, in the middle of making out with the guy, my dad storms into the room to tell me, "I had to get some Draino, your pubes clogged the shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2002

You deserved it

1067

Favorite

By mk - Canada

Today, I had a big craving for a popsicle so I went to a convenience store and bought one. On my first bite, my upper lip got stuck to it. I ripped it off and spent the next 10 minutes trying to stop the bleeding from the giant cut I'd put in my lip. It hurt too much to finish the popsicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43314

You deserved it

13394

Favorite

By ddriver100

Today, I picked up some of my friends from a bar downtown. They were pretty drunk and were yelling stupid things at people walking by. After stopping to let a fat guy cross the street, they yelled, "Hurry up fatty!" He responded by throwing his milkshake at my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1518

You deserved it

760

Favorite

By arace15336 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is only staying with me for the present I promised him for his birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32676

You deserved it

5102

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30788

You deserved it

2524

Favorite

By And you think I'M crazy? - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53940

You deserved it

6239

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12973

You deserved it

60998

Favorite

By laviestpasimal - France

Today, I had six long hours with the same math teacher. To get home, I travel by bus. Guess who sat down next to me for the whole trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27634

You deserved it

2478

Favorite

By KaiyaOtaku1 - United States - Seattle

Today, while eating dinner with my boyfriend, I look up to see him staring at me, smiling. Hoping he wanted to say how lucky of a man he was who loved me deeply, I asked him what he was thinking. He replied, "You can't smell that yet? It was a noxious one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44761

You deserved it

6611

Favorite

By Needasafe1234 - United States

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13971

You deserved it

46668

Favorite

By Elizabeth - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that after he gets off work, he can find me in his room wearing something sexy. He responded with, "Please don't touch anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35735

You deserved it

5429

Favorite

By jessinono - United States

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45534

You deserved it

5527

Favorite

By AnnieThrax - United States - Holdingford

Today, I received the heels I'll be wearing at my best friend's wedding. The bride ordered them for us to match the dresses. They're six-inch platform heels. I have three broken toes and am still wearing a boot. The wedding is next weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24260

You deserved it

2070

Favorite

By Mandi - United States - Cary

Today, I found out why my District Manager won't promote me to store manager; his wife thinks he's having an affair with me. If he promotes me, she will take that as evidence of the affair, and then will threaten to divorce him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27233

You deserved it

1695

Favorite

By HeIsKindaRightTho - United States - Houghton

Today, I video-chatted with my mom and showed her my new, very short haircut. My dad walked in, took one look at me and said, "I can only attribute this to penis envy," and walked out again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33245

You deserved it

4900

Favorite

By vbscb - Australia

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13901

You deserved it

39453

Favorite

By FianceFlaw?

Today, I went to the courthouse to apply for my marriage license and had my mother tag along with me. When I asked one of five security guards where to go, my mom looked at him and said,"You’re suppose to talk her out of it." Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2784

You deserved it

249

Favorite

By unfortunatelyunlucky - United States

Today, while parked at school, someone broke into my car by smashing the window. I called the police and they informed me I could drive it to the local station as it was an easy 2 minute drive. As I was driving there, I got pulled over for driving with a smashed window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36962

You deserved it

2587

Favorite

By HR - United States

Today, I had two of my wisdom teeth removed. One side of my face is completely swollen, and the other is normal. I feel like the elephant man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22808

You deserved it

4211

Favorite

By screw_this27

Today, I received a book about sailboats. I'd ordered a book about makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1393

You deserved it

162

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27452

You deserved it

10288

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Not for cheating or for flirting, but because I wear tighty whities. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34136

You deserved it

22763

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had 2 textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I face planted with my books flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16334

You deserved it

47750

Favorite

By disfunctionalfamily - United States

Today, I got married. My sister and father could not attend because they already had plans. My sister went to the mall with her friends, and my dad went to a pool party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55704

You deserved it

4584

Favorite

By ThisGuy97 - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14867

You deserved it

32194

Favorite

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Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7849385 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 3:49

If you were that addicted, you wouldn't have posted your little anecdote on here. Also, five hours is nothing.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7849359 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 0:52

You're probably going to have to mine for tears.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7849359 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 0:52

You're probably going to have to mine for tears.

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7849369 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 1:21

LOL its so much fun!

By acmariner99 | 23

#7849384 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 3:48

This is why I don’t play video games

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7849385 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 3:49

If you were that addicted, you wouldn't have posted your little anecdote on here. Also, five hours is nothing.

By icalledhisname | 11

#7849506 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 14:59

Video game streaming sites will rock your world. Full time streamers play games for 8+ hours a day, every single day.