By omfg

Addictive

Today, I was introduced to Minecraft. I haven't blinked in 5 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

606

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1434

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Late term

Workaholic

By Bree - United States

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25565

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1712

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, I volunteered at a soup kitchen. During the rounds, a grisly but nice young fellow told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was quite touched; that is until he leaned in and added, "Can I have them for my collection?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29988

You deserved it

2126

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By Anonymous

Pills, thrills and bellyaches

Today, I came home from surgery to remove my tonsils. It's a much better surgery to have as a kid, because when you get older it's much more painful. I didn't know my mom liked pain killers. I do now, because I have none left and I haven't even taken any yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1889

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring Grove

Today, an extremely hot police officer reprimanded me. It was pretty awkward considering she stopped me because of public urination. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6863

You deserved it

34118

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 14:01

Walking Dead

Today, my doctor informed me I was a fascinating patient. Why? I have "more health issues than a patient my age should." I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1413

You deserved it

116

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By wishihadpockets - United States

Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10225

You deserved it

43076

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By MrOh - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39595

You deserved it

4497

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By Anonymous - United States

Right place, wrong time

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

9170

You deserved it

29620

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By alternativefacts

Today, I confronted my neighbor because he'd been telling my kids that global warming was a myth. He responded with, "Whine all you want, but the swamp is draining and your bullshit liberal narrative is finally going down." He then dumped his trash on my lawn and retreated to his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4846

You deserved it

1191

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By Anonymous

Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” Everyone laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1453

You deserved it

614

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By fall3nrain - United States

Today, I was trying to keep myself occupied due to my recent breakup. I was reading this book someone gave me about animal communication, so after a while, I figured I'd give it a shot. Then it dawned on me; I'm single, at home on a Friday night, and I'm trying to talk to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41713

You deserved it

7150

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By how about never? - United States - San Fernando

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39756

You deserved it

5136

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By pissedoffandon - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15902

You deserved it

61675

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By beingthebossisoverrated - United States

Today, I realized the extent of my crush on one of my employees. I found myself cropping our picture out of the staff photo to see what we would look like as a couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18354

You deserved it

42064

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By Stalked - United States

Today, I and a policeman confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44399

You deserved it

2725

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I bought an electric toothbrush because they're supposed to be a lot healthier than regular ones. My crazy religious mom immediately called me a whore and said she knew what I really wanted to use it for. So that's $80 in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32412

You deserved it

2815

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my best friend she looked great in the dress she was wearing. My boyfriend overheard and is now convinced I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25538

You deserved it

2120

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By alipallie - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, after running across London to catch my train, I collapsed, panting, into a seat across from a concerned elderly woman. She leaned over to ask whether I had my inhaler and I smiled and nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'm not asthmatic, just really unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39047

You deserved it

7033

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By Yay..... - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28571

You deserved it

14467

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By novaguy - United States

Today, I learned that, when choking on a piece of food, you can cough hard enough to partially prolapse a hemorrhoid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28668

You deserved it

2524

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By Ashleigh - United States

Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37643

You deserved it

3470

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By automotive glass tech - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, while I was working replacing a windshield, some jerk off hit my truck. A truck carrying 2 grand in glass. Including the windshield I was about to install. The driver gets out and says, "Sorry man, I had to text my girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24569

You deserved it

1225

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By Anonymous

Today, I needed some contact lens solution, so I left my room to look in my sister's room to see if she had any. I walked in to see my mom sucking my dad off on her bed. They didn't see me so I walked away, but the image is engraved in my mind forever now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4003

You deserved it

474

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By Anonymous - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I won a game of Monopoly against my girlfriend. She reacted by sweeping the board off the table, storming out the front door, and mowing down my mailbox driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34720

You deserved it

4312

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By Anonymous - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after a fight, I caught my sister rubbing my toothbrush on the inside of our grimy toilet. This is why I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21038

You deserved it

1533

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By meowmeow - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11736

You deserved it

31177

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25540

You deserved it

2321

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By N O - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53294

You deserved it

6928

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By Now I'm Broke

Today, I took my $2,000 drone out and shot some beautiful footage of an old dam. I hid it behind a rock to explore the area further without carrying it, but when I came back it was gone. I was splitting the payments with my uncle. I work a minimum wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1628

You deserved it

7790

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By XmasGrinch

Today, on Christmas Eve, as I was getting my car loaded for the holiday rounds to the in-laws and parents, my car decided now was the time to break down. I recently put in over $1000 fixing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6175

Phew, glad it wasn't me

579

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By Cissy

Today, my former coworker called to ask if he could get it on with my ex-husband. The same ex I was married to for 20 years without knowing anything about his other life. I've been replaced by an overweight, middle-aged furry. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2359

You deserved it

235

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By missunlucky - Czech Republic

Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27894

You deserved it

9891

Favorite

By latenightbite - United States

Today, I found out why my roommate and best friend comes home late three nights a week. She goes to get drunk with some guy, then goes back to his house to hook up. Who is this guy? The guy I've been dating for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38057

You deserved it

3076

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By noespresso - United States

Today, after already having a terrible day, I went to Starbucks for an espresso. Being nice, I put the last dollar I had in my wallet in their tip jar. While paying for my drink, my card was denied for insufficient funds. The world hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33662

You deserved it

6410

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By nosleeptilpissoff - United States

Today, I have a cat with separation anxiety. By this, I mean whenever I go in another room and shut the door with her outside, she uses her head as a battering ram to try and break down the door. It's fun trying to sleep too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34321

You deserved it

6368

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By Teeny

gross

Today, my creepy co-worker informed me that he was going to stick his "peeny-weeny" in my "teeny-vageeny". FML

I agree, your life sucks

5860

You deserved it

378

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By f

Today, I was attacked by my dad because I got my hair dyed and he thought I was a robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30203

You deserved it

7883

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By OneGirlsLife

Today, someone tried to break into my car. They tried to do so by jamming a key into my lock, only for the key to break. I guess the key cut their hand, because I had the pleasure of finding the person's blood all over my passenger door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3561

You deserved it

204

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 15:30 - Canada - Cambridge

Sweet, my ass

Today, I worked with a sweet old lady. She refused to cook most of the food on the menu, and the food she did cook was super oily. When she received complaints about it, she blamed me for not draining the oil. When the customer defended me, she then told the customer it was her job to drain the oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks

762

You deserved it

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By Gaylord - United States - Aspers

Today, I realized that my somewhat flamboyant behavior may have given people the wrong impression when my classmate tried to set me up with one of her male friends. I've been trying to work up the courage to ask her out all semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13723

You deserved it

2156

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Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7849385 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 3:49

If you were that addicted, you wouldn't have posted your little anecdote on here. Also, five hours is nothing.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7849359 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 0:52

You're probably going to have to mine for tears.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7849359 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 0:52

You're probably going to have to mine for tears.

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7849369 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 1:21

LOL its so much fun!

By acmariner99 | 24

#7849384 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 3:48

This is why I don’t play video games

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7849385 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 3:49

If you were that addicted, you wouldn't have posted your little anecdote on here. Also, five hours is nothing.

By icalledhisname | 11

#7849506 - Tuesday 8 October 2019 14:59

Video game streaming sites will rock your world. Full time streamers play games for 8+ hours a day, every single day.