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The all-time greatest FMLs

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 20:00 - United States - Edison

Spicy

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 135

Wait, what?

By Anonymous - 10/11/2022 06:00

Today, my friend got drunk with me and texted my boyfriend, saying she was in love with him and missed him. Her brother came to my house since she got caught drunk and gave a “lecture” on responsibility. I don't know what’s worse, the lecture or the fact that he’s my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 187

Yoyo

By jetpack girl - 22/02/2023 22:00

Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 109

FML's guide to a stress-free St Patrick's Day

By Louis - 17/03/2017 18:15 - France - Paris

Savour the flavor of the day, but be careful out there!

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 196

Proposal Fail

By FML Approved - 12/09/2017 22:30 - France - Paris

Expensive rings and rushing water don't mix.

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 244

Get me out of here

By dang ol' anonymous, man - 01/05/2022 03:59

Today, I was stuck in a room for eight hours with several guys doing impressions of Boomhauer from King of the Hill. Talkin' 'bout that dang ol' FML. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 162

Chill out, dudebro

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 20:00

Today, my hair is so long hair that it touches my shoulders now. My father attempted to bribe me into cutting my hair several times. I'm 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 267

By çafondpaslesucre? - 14/09/2016 02:28 - Belgium - Manage

Today, my 16-year-old daughter heated some sugar cubes in the microwave, thinking it would make caster sugar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 78

Cold feet

By whyamidoingit - 23/07/2022 18:00

Today, it's three days until I get married, and I can’t help but be nervous. Why? I wish I knew. I’m not scared of commitment, I’m happy to spend my life with him, so why the sudden panic? FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 206

Double betrayal

By iwannagointothewoods - 14/11/2023 08:00 - Canada - Victoria

Spicy

Today, I found out that my girlfriend is cheating on me. With my mother. They were doing it for almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 143

Time to move on

By Anonymous - 22/02/2023 18:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, it's been a year since the girl I'm madly in love with completely cut off all communication with me. She called me crying a year ago, saying she couldn't do the long-distance, unaware I was planning on moving closer to her. Not once has she reached out, and has a girlfriend now. I think about her every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 338

What were the odds?

By Anonymous - 03/10/2023 00:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I fell off my truck and landed on one of the stakes my wife uses to keep her plants upright. I landed on it so perfectly that it went through my shorts and perfectly straight up my asshole for a good 4 inches before it snapped. My wife helpfully removed it, but I still spent a night in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 149

Gotta get that delivery dopamine rush

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 05:00

Today, I've been waiting two months for eight eBay purchases to make it through my country's fucked up customs fiasco. I'm reduced to vicariously sharing in my husband's delivery of a litre of industrial vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 142

So compassionate

By Charlie Given - 26/07/2021 07:53 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out that yet another woman I was interested in is nothing but a addict. All the women I've tried to date for 3 years now have turned out to be fucked up in some major way. Why can't I just find a non-loser for a girlfriend? FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 939

Charlie Given tells us more.

Charlie Given 26

Monday 26 July 2021 1:05

Holy shit I can't believe my FML got published thank you. I've been actively dating for about 3 years now, but it has been over 8 years since I've been intimate with a woman. Not that I haven't been trying but health issues with my child and I have have made it difficult sometimes to date. But some of the biggest issues have been finding someone who can look pass the fact that I'm a single dad with two kids and health issues. But afew ladies on occasion seemed like good possibilities. And we did start to get to know each other better only for me to realize that they were drunks, heavy drug addicts, abusive to their kids, trying to use me for weed or just leading me on for kicks and being ghosted alot. so all I can really do is keep looking and hoping. and for anyone wondering I live in the upper peninsula of Michigan if you're interested LOL don't know why it says Ottawa.

Classic dude moment

By Two hundred down - 07/08/2023 04:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband hasn’t touched me in ages. I bought sexy lingerie and walked around the house in them. My husband wouldn’t budge. When I asked him why he didn't want to get physical, he told me, “You want me to be honest? Do some sit ups and butt squats, then I’ll be all over you like cheese on macaroni.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 322

Follow the lifescript

By Anonymous - 17/11/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I came out to my parents as lesbian. Surprisingly, they were OK with it… just as long as I still marry a dude, give them grandbabies, and keep the whole lesbian thing a deep, dark, shameful secret that we never talk about again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 231

Small world

By Ashy.Kinz - 09/07/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, while visiting family in my very small hometown for the summer, I met a guy and we really hit it off. Everything was going great, and I brought him home to meet my family, where my grandmother told me he was 16. Now I’m definitely not getting lucky this trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 258

It wasn't me

By jpaylay - 06/05/2022 02:00 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I was framed for hacking a Facebook account. I’m a 17 year-old cybersecurity major. Really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 135

Livin' la vida loca!

By Mike - 07/08/2022 18:00

Today, I realized my life is very similar to my dad’s, except I’m only 55 and he’s almost 80. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 236

Crushed

By Anonymous - 16/10/2023 00:02

Today, I realized I have a crush on one of my co-workers. I’m married. I would never ever act on it but it’s really scaring me that I have these feelings and can’t make them go away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 209

I will always love you

By Ihavenothing - 01/05/2022 02:00

Today, at a very important company function where lots of the big bosses were, including the CEO of the company, I absentmindedly introduced the executive director whose name is Whitney as “Whitney Houston.” On stage. In front of ALL of them. I’ll never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 419

By nobar - 04/06/2019 06:00

Today, I learned how to make my fridge colder. I felt that what it was set on felt a little warmer than normal, so I turned it down. Now everything in my fridge is frozen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 1 750

Smoking gun

By cami - 19/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my roommate asked me for help finding her wallet because it’s been lost for days. I helped a bit, but it never turned up. I left to go to my boyfriend’s house as I'd planned. Guess whose wallet I found laying on the ground next to his night-stand? And why it was there… FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 112

Is this a stand up show?

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 20:00 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I had a big presentation at work and I was feeling really confident. I'd practiced it over and over and I knew it inside out. But when I got up to speak, I realized I had left my notes at home. I ended up winging it and it was a disaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 394

Jump around

By Anonymous - 26/07/2024 06:00

Today, I was on a one day business trip to America, literally, one day, I didn’t even need a hotel, just straight back to the airport. I woke up in hospital, an AMERICAN hospital, because I got a blood clot from the flight and needed surgery. The bill is astronomical and I’m uninsured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 154

It's my face

By Anonymous - 24/07/2023 18:00

Today, I realized why people throughout the years have “lied” about me giving them “dirty looks”. They’re talking about the face I make when I’m in deep thought, concentrating on trying to sort out my thoughts while I’m spaced out. It’s one of many unfortunate parts of my schizoaffective disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 169

Timewaster

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, yet another first date was a total waste of my time as he was yet another creep more interested in the experience of fucking a dwarf than he was in getting to know me as a person. I’m just gonna stay single forever. It’s not like I’ve always dreamed of marriage or anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 130

WOOF WOOF

By fuck! - 17/05/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbors, in my supposedly pet-free apartment complex, got a puppy. It’s a Great Dane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 115

Boot him out

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, the love of my life has moved a new girl into our house. Seeing him with her is agony. When they met, he told me I had nothing to worry about. Three hours after he'd said he wanted to get back together, she called him from a new permanent phone number, and now he acts like us getting back together never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 184

Dirty protest

By Paul - 21/08/2023 00:02

Today, I had a job interview; unfortunately for me, I was so nervous that all of a sudden I felt the need to take a huge dump. My bowels started growling out of protest. I tried to play it off as if it was due to me being hungry, but it sounded like I had a monster trapped in my guts. The interviewer raised an eyebrow in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 123

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The Top

The Top

Today, my friends and I spent a little too long enjoying a beautiful cliff overlooking the ocean. We spent the next 3 hours lost in a pitch black jungle with only one pocket-sized flashlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 764

You deserved it 13 010

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 564

You deserved it 4 006

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 041

You deserved it 2 633

Today, my boyfriend went in to kiss me. He came in too aggressively and passionately and his front tooth knocked against mine. I am now missing a third of my right front tooth. Average cost for a dental crown? $900. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 716

You deserved it 3 008

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 490

You deserved it 56 361

Today, at work, a customer asked where the shovels were. I tried to ask him if he was looking for snow shovels or regular shovels. It came out, "Are you looking for show snovels?" He then awkwardly said he was looking for snow shovels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 171